lawguyjake
26 Kansas City, United States
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lawguyjake
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My self-summary
Please be within 40 miles of Kansas City.

My autobiography will be titled, "Cute, but Kinda Bitchy." Some people find me endearing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you really want to get my attention, you should talk to me about the effects of masculinity-consciousness on gay men. And you should not start the conversation by telling me how "masc" or "straight-acting" you are. You don't look very straight when you are choking on dick. Get your misogyny and internalized homophobia out of my face.

I'm a law school graduate, a former college runner, am mildly addicted to youtube, smile a lot, laugh at inappropriate times, am more attracted to intelligence than beauty (I wanna start a Tumblr called "Hot guys using stupid inspirational quotes"), and I really just want to be FLOTUS (if you don't know what FLOTUS is, we won't get along).

I love a bourgeois vegan/protest/intellectual gay, but who doesn't?

I emphatically do NOT date Republicans. There are people who literally suffered and died and lost family/friends/careers for your ability to be an "out" gay person in this country, and voting for representatives who intend to restrict your (and every other LGBT person's) ability to exist as your straight counterparts do is offensive to the years of struggle that have gotten us to the place we are now. If you vote Republican, don't waste your time talking to me unless you want to experience a biting diatribe littered with expletives about how you don't really love yourself. There is no excuse for an LGBT person to vote Republican. And don't give me this small government/fiscal conservative bullshit, either. It doesn't make you any less complicit.

^^^^ All of the above is generally why I can't get dates. I am cool with it.

I am profane. Words that make wide the eyes of people with delicate sensibilities are my weapon of choice. Vulgarity is a linguistic tool; it is dangerous and essential.

Here's to us :-)
What I’m doing with my life
Just graduated from law school. That means I am either really ambitious or really boring...I'll let you decide.

I work for a giant law firm downtown doing super cool diversity and inclusion stuff. Talk to me about why diversity matters to you.
I’m really good at
Finding hilarious YouTube videos.
Running really long races.
Making douchebags aware of their douchebaggery.
The Sims and Pokemon.
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably my teeth. They're paid for (thanks mom and dad!). Then probably that I ask a lot of questions when I first meet someone (anything is fair game). It's mostly because silence and breaks in conversation make me incredibly anxious. Or maybe it's just the lawyer in me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Rachel Maddow and Melissa Harris-Perry are the two women I could see myself marrying.

Ask me about Protest Literature, Slam Poetry, neo-feminism, affirmative action, or LGBT social politics. Smart guys are hot, too...
The six things I could never do without
My relationships.
Hope for the future.
Words spoken by smart people.
Fresh air.
Democracy.
Trivial shit that makes me sound shallow.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The future, equality, justice, freedom, religion.
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching "What Would You Do."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I drank a bottle of wine one night and wrote an 11-page paper about a boy I was hopelessly devoted to. I subsequently turned that paper in to my English professors as part of my senior thesis.

The moral of this story: fuck with me and I'll get really drunk and write essays about you. It's kind of like how Taylor Swift writes albums (except that I am a much better writer than Taylor Swift).

I am also awkwardly obsessed with One Direction. I give you full permission to judge me. I would judge me.
You should message me if
...you are smart and ambitious, if you want to change the world, if you can handle someone who is sometimes brutally honest and probably thinks too highly of himself...

...or if you are bored and think I'm cute or interesting.
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