33 Boston, United States
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My self-summary
Lily B, 29, single, white, female, living in New York.

I know that many of you are reading this and are surprised that I would post this on a dating site but I feel that this is the best way to get my thoughts viewed by both men and women, poor or rich to discuss the inside truth of society. I want men to understand the demanding expectations society puts on women. I want to help women realize they are not alone in this callous society and advise them about their choices.

“If I were shabby no one would have me: A woman is asked out as much for her clothes as for herself. The clothes are the background, the frame, if you like: they don’t make success, but they are apart of it. We are expected to be pretty and well dressed till we drop- and if we can’t keep it up alone, we have to go into partnership (p. 12).” Society expects you to make yourself presentable for a male. The better dressed you are, the better off you are to find a wealthy man. If you can no longer keep up with dressing to impress, society suggests it is time to go into a partnership so that he can keep you looking fabulous while also making him look good by being his arm candy. However, be cautious of men who may mistake you for an object rather than a decoration.
What I’m doing with my life
Sometimes I ask myself, “Isn’t marriage your vocation? Isn’t it what you’re all brought up for (p.9).” In this society it is presumed that every woman’s goal is to get married. Working towards this goal is what single women revolve their days around. Your economic class will play a role in who you marry and what class you will marry into. If you expect to marry into money you should be spending time to better your appearance, poise, elegance, social calendar, and connections. Be careful you don't miss the opportunity when it comes along, “I threw away one or two good chances when I first came out- I suppose every girl does; and you know I am horribly poor- and very expensive. I must have a great deal of money (p. 10).” Us women face the dilemma of choosing between morality and money. Rarely do you fall in love with someone with money. It is important to recognize what is more important to you. Is it worth the risk of having a lot of money and being unhappy? There are two ways you can go in this society: amoral and wealthy or self-righteous and poor. Sometimes money can end up causing more problems; all it takes is one mishap to send you back down the social ladder.
The first things people usually notice about me
Beauty. Being stunningly beautiful may help you to charm and manipulate men but it is not always a good thing, you are also putting yourself at risk for being treated like property. “Lily understood that beauty is only the raw material of conquest, and that to convert it into success other arts are required. She knew that to betray any sense of superiority was a subtler form of the stupidity her mother denounced, and it did not take her long to learn that a beauty needs more tact than the possessor of an average set of features (p. 34).” We have been raised by our mothers, who were influenced by society, to be ornamental and inevitably we have no marketable skills. Beauty can only get us so far; we need to find skills and hobbies that complement our beauty.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
We are expected to uphold a reputation in society, it is greatly frowned upon us if we work, borrow money from married men, have our own home, or gamble. I often think of what it would be like to not have to strive to become apart of wealthy society, “the people who take society as an escape from work are putting it to its proper use; but when it becomes the thing worked for it distorts all the relations of life (p. 69).” When you work so hard to be something you’re not you, lose sight of everything that you stand for. Since we cannot change society, it is important to stand by what you believe and be true to your feelings. It is hard to climb your way from the bottom to the top of the social elite. You can be accepted into society just as quickly as you can be rejected.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Not everyone can be trusted. “What is truth? Where a woman is concerned, it’s the story that’s easiest to believe. In this case it’s a great deal easier to believe Bertha Dorset’s story than mine, because she has a big house and an opera-box, and it’s convenient to be on good terms with her (p. 221).” Money is a power game. People believe people who have a lot of money whether it is the truth or not. If you don’t have money you are less likely to be believed. Basically, society suggests that if you are wealthy, you are allowed to be immoral because in the end people will still believe you. And if people still don’t believe you, you are financially stable enough to buy back your reputation. Make sure you get all the facts before deciding to believe what someone tells you and beware that people may not believe the things that you say.