29Round Rock, United States
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My self-summary
Maybe after being on this site for 6 years, I should actually try.

Highlights women seem to care about:

- I have my shit together.
- I have a running car, it looks nice and you WILL look good riding in it. It's comfy, has AC and is reliable.
- I have a job.
- I'm not 6ft.
- I don't have a dog (yet)
- I don't have any kids.
- I'm not a manwhore (I don't do the casual scene)
- I'm good with kids, even annoying little shits.
- I'm an animal lover having grown up on a pseudo farm.
- I don't come from a dysfunctional family.
- I don't give a single spec of rat shit about politics, I'm a US Marine Corp veteran who takes care of his own. Everyone in office can go choke on a donkey dick as far as I'm concerned.
- I don't give a single spec of rat shit about religion. I grew up in a church going family and when I was old enough to make my own decisions, I realized me being a good person with strong morals has fuck all to do with how religious I am.
What I’m doing with my life
Never ending cycle of fixing the shit life breaks. Doesn't get old. Ever.

CAD designer/drafter. If you go out to a bar and you see the 3D printed two toned tap handles for Circle Brewing, I designed that shit. Tell the barkeep you know the guy who designed the tap and see if they'll hook it up.

Currently working for Arsenal in cooperation with Apollo Endosurgery designing medical fixtures and products. If you've heard of Lap Band the weight loss device, that's who I work for.
I’m really good at
Turning girls off. I am a cereal friendzone dweller. All my female friends insist I'm a catch yet I don't see any of them bending over to take this chinese sausage.

Have you ever looked at a guy and said to yourself "gee willickers I would really love to have his dick inside me"? No? Same here. Now that we have something in common, can I interest you in some chinese sausage? It's not too big, and not too small. Packs some good flavor and goes well with almost everything. I like to always have a packet of them in the fridge for a rainy day to go with some white rice and pork sung mmmmm. I'm always hungry.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Do you really care? Seriously. This section makes me feel like I'm back in kindergarten getting asked what my favorite dinosaur is.

It's a velociraptor. Perfect balance of sleek physique and vicious weaponry. Could do without the high pitched screeching though. Maybe Hollywood should rethink what cool dinosaurs sound like. Pretty sure all the dead velociraptors are rolling around in their graves like "why the fuck they make us sound like dying chalkboards being assaulted by a strong independent woman's nails".

In case you were wondering how I sound when I cum, now you know.

If you don't tear up when Harry finds out the truth about Snape, we can't be friends.
Six things I could never do without
Moms spaghetti.
On my sweater already.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How my Hollywood romance is gonna happen. Have they made a movie yet about a dream couple who meet on OkCupid? Cuz I would watch the shit out of that. I'd judge just as hard as I judge war movies as a former US Marine Machinegunner. I think 6 years of being on OKC is enough experience to allow me to judge. Right? Disclaimer: I haven't been fully active on here for the entirety of said six years. Dated a girl I met on here for two and a half years who, funnily enough, had a record match percentage of 98.5%. So I can tell you right now from personal experience that match percentage means absolute monkey shit.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing Fuck All. DFA.
You should message me if
You made it past all of the above without getting offended and realize that satire is a form of writing... which I suck at, so don't judge me too hard k. I just wanna have some goddamn estrogen back in my life. I probably won't even know what to do if I saw a vagina again. If we bang and I stare at your beaver like it's the maze in the Shining, please bear with me and just ... like direct me where to go. I should be able to take it from there. It's like riding a bike right? you never really forget, just need to warm up and... dive in there. Head first.

Also feel free to message me if you truly believe you can restore my faith in womankind. Maybe I'm doing something wrong but the past three years of my life have been full of lying, disloyal and unfaithful .... Things. I struggle to put more dishonor on the title of "woman" but goddamn I'm running out of ammunition in my respect for women applicator. Only reason I'm even on here still is because I'm so hopeful that I might someday meet a true woman with whom I need not struggle to respect and love.

Do NOT reply to my messages if you are incapable of responding to messages/texts in a timely manner. In this day and age there is literally zero excuse for anyone to take more than 24 hours to respond to anything, be it email, text, or a fucking coconut with a note tied to it. As far as I'm concerned there are only a handful of legitimate excuses to not respond to a text immediately:
- You are driving on a roadtrip and unable to stop for several hours at a time.
- You are on an airplane
- You have left the country
- You are asleep in the middle of the day like a fucking hobo
- You are having sex, obviously not with me, so fuck off you cheating pile of human scum
- You have been abducted by aliens
- You are dead or dying

Half of those are easily remedied by notifying me beforehand like any normal human being would. "Hey I plan on dying today so I won't be able to respond to your texts after 3pm"... "OK cool, should I like... save you?"..."nah fam, that's just my excuse to never talk to you again"..."fair 'nuff"
See? Simple as that.

Excuses that will NOT work with me include and are not limited to:
- You were at work (I work too... and nothing stops me from texting)
- You had no service (stop paying for fucking shit T-mobile and get with Verizon)
- Your phone died (all phones nowadays will last at least 24 hours of heavy use with a full charge, my Pixel XL can go up to 48 hours at a time without needing to recharge, rethink your fucking life if you can't keep a phone charged for the waking hours of the day)
- You lost your phone ... ok this one might work but that means you at least met up with me in person to tell me. Or used a computer to contact me which means you care enough at least to tell me and I appreciate that.

You made it all the way here. "Titty Sprinkles". Include that in your first(ish) message to me so I know you read everything and are not offended or butthurt. And if you ARE offended or butthurt but still wanna message me, kudos to you, I will hear your rebuttals out.
The two of us