30Carlow, Ireland
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My self-summary
careful now.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm 30 years into my life's work of.. trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life.

Actually, it's quite distracting. I never know if I'm doing it right. It's not like I can hold up a mirror and work on my technique. I can't practice on the back on my hand. I've never had any kind of formal training, and the feedback I receive from others is ìnconsistent.

I have tried reading about life in books but fictional characters live such perfectly orchestrated lives.. every character, catalyst or climax seems so meaningfully placed or decidedly arbitrary. Whatever it is, it's decisive. I'm not sure if books can teach me so much about how to live as they can communicate how others think I could/should/would live.. if.. But then, it might teach me something about how I would like to think I could/should/would live.. if.. so...

I've tried watching movies too but usually I end up lamenting how I am not a stunningly beautiful actress with maybe a French accent and silken hair and maybe that sort of timeless beauty that could capture the heart of any man. I also end up guessing the ending far too soon or reading too much into it, and then coming up with a far superior plot twist, which generally alienates me from my film-watching companions and ruins the film for me as well. Good times. Sometimes, I can also suffer from the most debilitating form of (e)motion sickness which will keep me quiet, in a sense, if you can ignore soft keening noises. I try to avoid anything with lost animals, abandonment, and crushed dreams. This affliction is fast onset, but it can lie dormant for months so it's not quite acute. I can function reasonably well, providing I stay away from Disney Films. Honestly, I'm not really sure if I'm engaging with films on a level to learn anything other than how to stifle the sound of my heart breaking when I'm in company. I know enough to follow a film, but not nearly enough follow the narrative of my own life.. which would make a fairly shitty film, to be fair.

I've also appealed to others for advice about how to go about living a meaningful life. I've struggled to tease, from the jaws of monster oysters, those manifest pearls of wisdom that I sometimes suspect other people have but refuse to share with me. Most people usually respond with a vague sort of pseudo-comforting doublespeak. Follow Your Dreams. Be True to Yourself. Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You. Well, I've been doing these things for years now - My dreams are characterised by bear apocalypses, varying degrees of dystopia, ghosts, tunnels that seem very small but very big at the same time, stately houses and sometimes welcome feelings of pronoia.. I can hardly follow all that in waking life.. Even worse, it seems that my Self is slipperier than a fish.. I don't know which way is true.. and no body makes ME dinner so.. either I'm doing it wrong, or these people don't have a clue what they are on about, they know that I am onto them, and they know that really they just lucked into their happiness, that they don't truly deserve it, and that they will eventually be exposed as smug, fortunate, privileged fools... who I respect and love dearly, because otherwise I would not ask for their advice..

But really, I think I am doing my best.
I’m really good at
things other than this.. but that won't stop me trying.

For example, sometimes I can be really good at..

staying up all night
sharing cigarettes (I used to be really good at this, now I rarely smoke)
having great ideas and then forgetting them
having the most amazing dreams and then also forgetting them
morning messages about my crazy dreams
witty repartees
lying about my ability to come up with funny/clever responses
back answering
smart talking
wine drinking
advice giving
masquerading decent listening skills and soft-questioning abilities as "advice giving" (also known as gently encouraging the person to figure out what they actually want to do and then letting them do it)
making things look easy
thinking things are easy
suddenly becoming afraid
giving that knowing look without actually knowing
giving that knowing look when I don't know I'm giving the knowing look
unexpected bursts of excitement
bad jokes
enthusiastic rants
occasional tirades
being patient
being persistent
being ignored
not talking about myself
picking up accents
regaling people with my terrible impressions of accents which probably doesn't go down well with accent owners anywhere, ever.
not being judgemental
asking questions
forgetting what happened in films
not recognising quotes from the simpsons
making breakfast
eating breakfast for dinner
not rolling over on top of my cat when I'm asleep
going to the shop for cat food when I'd rather not
loving my cat unrequitedly
remembering useless pieces of information
getting my bearings
chopping vegetables
watching marathons of tv shows
not watching tv for weeks
forgetting what day it is
disguising my neediness
being INFJ (we are very rare and very dangerous)
not discriminating against anyone on the basis of almost all OKcupid questions
not being dangerous
figuring out what things went into things, like soup
trying to put a spanner in OKcupid's junk
wandering around
getting lost
enjoying it
The first things people usually notice about me
are probably the last things they are likely to tell me.

I'm sure they notice that I am there, and there I am.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I am really bad at favourites.

If you can do favourites, I can do discourse about those favourites as they might relate to my thoughts/interests/enjoyments.

I am generally very open minded.
Six things I could never do without
human interaction
the internet
I spend a lot of time thinking about
things I could spend a life time thinking about.
On a typical Friday night I am
definitely not filling out this profile.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
is not private.
You should message me if
you have two thumbs and aren't afraid of a challenge.
The two of us