34 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
HELLO AND WELCOME TO THIS, THE DISCLAIMER AT THE TOP OF MY OKCUPID PROFILE. Straight up: dating is not a thing I can really do right now. However, I am pretty awesome as a friend and/or sex partner, so if you're looking for a:

• cool friend
• cool friend with cool benefits
• cool booty call or +1 to a cool sex party
• all of the above? (cool)

...then please read on. Note that there will still need to be some chemistry between us for any of these to make sense.


I sneeze a lot and it might freak you out.

✓ pizza
✓ spooky skeletons
✓ unicorns as a symbol of virility
✓ puns
✓ owning stupid domain names like www.thebestdinosaur.com
✓ pink things
✓ literature
✓ linguistics & etymology & philology

✗ monogamy
✗ my ADD
✗ when folx forget the signifier ain't the signified
✗ oppression & my own privilege
✗ prescriptivists can gtfo
✗ anybody thinking they know anything
What I’m doing with my life
Reluctant tech bro;
Writing novels & comics & twitter jokes about poop;
Drawing a million monsters everywhere;
trying to be a better human;
wondering about this very question
I’m really good at
Making jokes, being pedantic, regular bowel movements, English spelling & grammar, writing proper ampersands by hand, knowing stuff like that "ampersand" comes from and per se and & that the ampersand symbol is an abstracted et which is Latin for "and" (& per se btw is Latin for "by itself"), standing on one foot, Scrabble, eating really fast, clapping, seeming like I know things about foreign languages I don't really speak
The first things people usually notice about me
my hair is probably a color
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like anything that plays with form/structure/conventions in clever or meaningful ways. e.g. Infinite Jest, Cabin in the Woods, Moby Dick, Community, If on a winter's night a traveler, 30 Rock, Tristram Shandy, Groundhog Day

I like ridiculous, idiosyncratic art with a core of humanity. e.g. The Royal Tenenbaums, Buckaroo Banzai, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Adventure time, the good Star Treks (TNG, DS9), Howl's Moving Castle

I like fiction where there's a cop, and the cop is also a robot. e.g. RoboCop (1987)

My favorite music is harsh and weird but with catchy hooks. e.g. Tom Waits, Sleigh Bells, Son Lux, Joanna Newsom, Misfits, Sunset Rubdown, Soul Coughing, The Magnetic Fields, Talking Heads, the Vandals
The six things I could never do without
§ computer
§ Cadbury mini eggs
§ animated gifs
§ bright colors
§ emoticons that I made up
へ( ︶◡︶)>
§ honestly, girls to talk to
I spend a lot of time thinking about
jokes • words & their origins & meanings • dorky shit like Pokémon or Harry Potter • story ideas • what to sing at karaoke • names for bands that will never exist • human bodies • tattoos I may never get • what other people are thinking about • myself
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I guess I'm a nihilist. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yo, I have strong opinions about punctuation and spelling, BUT PROBABLY NOT THE ONES YOU WOULD EXPECT
You should message me if
you are looking for MUCHAS SMOOCHES

See disclaimer above, but message me if you want a friend and/or a person to get sexy with. Don't message me if you only want to talk to somebody who will be your boyfriend.

Also worth noting that for sexy times I am generally interested in people with female-looking bodies, but I'm not too fussy about what kind of genitals you got going on.