38Wilmington, United States
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My self-summary
Recently moved to DE from NY, working at lawyer job, will be here a while.

Be honest with me: is Yoga a mind-control cult?
(Update: yes it is, and worse
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/29/dickipedia-bikram-choudhury-_n_7469058.html?cps=gravity_2246_-4525138072256703122) (moreso if you can't make fun of it I'm not for you)

Yes, I have more pictures, happy to direct you to them. I don't blame you if you're a little blurry, too.

My username is a reference to something else in my profile, points for guessing.

I enjoy irony and sardonicism but am uncertain about sarcasm; although I do admit that being mean is funnier than being nice I think it makes a poor substitute for wit. I'm dry without being smug. I'm dependable and reliable without being predictable. I'm cynical and hard-bitten without being downtrodden. I spell everything correctly but want to smack people who go around correcting others. I raised a ton of money for the DNC because they had a chance at winning, but if there was a viable third party I would consider them: I'm pragmatic. I edit articles: which is how I know that OKCupid automatically changed the spacing in this paragraph from two spaces after a sentence to one. I'm assiduous: I'm changing it back. I'm not OCD, after OKC changed it again I gave up. I overthink everything. I work hard but I don't play particularly hard.

I love semicolons; I even use them properly; though I do overuse them somewhat.

I'm not all sunshine and rainbows. Although I do love soft fuzzy bunnies, I also think that they're delicious. Seriously, though, I do love animals. I want a quokka.

Not to upend gender roles for all eternity but...the likes are nice and I have no idea who is giving them; if you want to chat, message me

If I know you IRL, forget you saw this and we shall not speak of it. I shall tip my hat and say, "Good day to you!"

"Good day to you!" (tips hat)

Actually feelings about online dating have changed a lot in the last few years...I'm not that embarrassed to be here.

Insanely adorbs babyperson in Instagram is my niece.
What I’m doing with my life
Recently finished later-in-life law school. Getting to work.
I’m really good at
Remembering useless information. I know a lot of...stuff. Some people have said that it's intimidating (seriously), but it shouldn't be, because it's mostly just cultural detritus and of doubtful utility. Films, books, beers, court cases. I don't know why I remember them, I certainly don't expect you to. I dated a girl for a while who did not participate in pop culture at all and it was totally fine. However...if you don't drink or eat meat this could be difficult.

Detecting patterns or deviations from patterns, for example: this site has more pictures of girls wearing fake mustaches than other sites (seriously, what is up with that? I wouldn't think "imagine me as a dude" makes a great aphrodisiac...maybe it depends on your audience), but fewer girls who have pictures with a previous mister cut out so that his creepily disembodied arm is around their shoulder. About the same amount of duckface. These days the essential pictures seem to either be cute animals (no fair I can't resist) and one shot while up in the air limbs akimbo like in those old Toyota commercials.

Most interesting common addition in "essential items": toothbrush. Is this to signal that one has not yet lost one's teeth to the rampant meth plague?
The first things people usually notice about me
Blue eyes? Red beard without red hair? My presence as an object in three dimensional space? No idea.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Flannery O'Connor's complete works, Master and Margarita, Brothers Karamazov, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass, Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, The Long Goodbye, Radio Free Albemuth, The Castle, Dead Souls, The Stranger, Moby Dick, Cat's Cradle, We, Darkness at Noon, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, The Third Policeman, A Canticle for Leibowitz, Ulysses, China Mieville - graphic novels: From Hell (HBO should do a full series), Asterios Polyp, Sandman, Fun Home. The Complete Calvin and Hobbes.

Movies: Brazil, Touch of Evil, Eraserhead, City of Lost Children, A Face in the Crowd, 8 1/2, Shadow of a Doubt, Drawing Restraint 9, Titus, La Jetee, THX-1138, Morvern Callar, Near Dark, Southland Tales, Memories of Murder, The Host (the Korean monster movie), There Will Be Blood, Wet Hot American Summer, Hot Fuzz, Zoolander, Super Troopers, the geek movies: Star Wars and LOTR, David Cronenberg, Atom Egoyan, Akira Kurosawa, Ingmar Bergman, Takashi Miike, George Romero, Wong Kar Wai, Orson Welles, Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, Lynne Ramsay, Peter Watkins, Fellini, Wallace and Gromit and zombie movies. This year: Spotlight

TV: Twin Peaks, The Wire, The Prisoner, Deadwood, Fraggle Rock, The Muppet Show, Spaced, Parks and Recreation, Orphan Black, Hannibal, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Community, Portlandia, Childrens Hospital, Fringe, Game of Thrones, Flight of the Conchords, Leftovers, VICE, obviously anything on HBO. Walking Dead, Amy Schumer, Key & Peele, Jessica Jones, Ash v. Evil Dead, Fargo, Transparent, Broad City, Reliable Sources

Music, just a few: Beatles, Radiohead, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Patsy Cline, Magnetic Fields, Circulatory System/Neutral Milk Hotel/Olivia Tremor Control/Sunshine Fix, The Apples in Stereo, Nico, Television, Beirut, The Hold Steady, Mason Jennings, Tom Waits, Elliott Smith, Panda Bear, Kanye, New Pornographers/Neko Case/Destroyer/A.C. Newman, Sleater-Kinney, Emily Haines/Metric, Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters/Mark Kozelek, Retribution Gospel Choir, Marnie Stern, Belle and Sebastian, Blonde Redhead, jj, MGMT, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Thao Nguyen, Guided By Voices, St. Vincent, Danger Mouse, Neon Indian, Sharon van Etten, M83, Sturgill Simpson, Lera Lynn, Riverbottom Nightmare Band, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem

Shows: Sondheim

Food: Chewy bacon. Spontaneously fermented beer.
Six things I could never do without
The English language
the delightful obscenities contained therein
irony (screw you Dave Eggers that is so the proper use of the word!)
humor of questionable taste
a constantly renewing supply of music
a constantly renewing supply of strange beer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why beer is so delicious. Lately allegories and parables.
On a typical Friday night I am
Avoiding crowds. I prefer to go out other nights.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm so hyperanalytical that I found typos in the terms and conditions of the standard contract for the major company I worked for.
You should message me if
you want to know more; you are open to drinking a lot of strange beers; you are more into meeting than being a pen-pal; your laundry-list of qualifications aren't mandatory because I definitely don't fit some of them; you're laid-back but still show up on time; you noticed that I purposely used your and you're in this to show that I recognize the distinction; you're not looking for a GBF (see urban dictionary) (okay it means "gay best friend"); you appreciate that this profile is written both as a mild deterrent and to amuse myself; you find it charming when one is shit at first dates.

I'm also not in a position right now (or a humor, ever) for those dates that are actually just about me paying for dinner. Please, for that look elsewhere. That's why the dark lord made investment bankers.
The two of us