33Salem, United States
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My self-summary
I am a stand up comedian in the brain of a scientist. Being angry releases a chemical in the brain that lowers I.Q. for a short time along with creating a slow but steady increase in the addiction of that emotion. I really dont want to be addicted to stupid, so at all times possible, I laugh; and i try to mean it.
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”~ Aristotle
"Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

I am, irreverent, insatiable, and SPIFFY
I am, the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion and the soul of a dreamer.
What I’m doing with my life
putting huge effort into being a grant whore for the renewable energy resources division of the govt. I've been designing solar/aquatic/geothermal/wind machines that combine and mix and match those powers instead of utilizing them independently. its awesome, its the future, now PAY ME BARAK! freaking holdups.

I am a partner in a new candy company, we sell English toffee, truffles, turtles and all sorts of goodies. going to market is a blast, get to interact with lots of people and i'm loving it.

I have a 15 yr plan to begin space colonization.
Now accepting applications for prospective flight crew/mission control.
I’m really good at
anything i set my mind to doing.
anything i see someone else do.
identifying personally with any givin point of view.

converting athiests to agnostics.
converting agnostics to taoists.
converting taoists to christians.
converting christians to athiests.
doing it all in one 4 hr sitting, then leaving them alone with a bottle of sleep meds.

I'm REALLY good at falling in love to quickly, I feel a connection, some deeper level of understanding and acceptance and I'm done for.
Its hurt me more times than I can count, putting myself out there, leaving my heart exposed.
So when things go to quickly now, I get really freaked out, and usually just end up removing myself from the situation. I do love, and I do trust, but when it happens to fast, I know I'm in for heartbreak down the line.
So, I guess I'm good at breaking my own heart, so other people don't.
The first things people usually notice about me
I am giving them candy.
I am smiling.
That I just made them laugh or smile.

This only based on the average of interactions i have.
I market year round and go to chocolate festivals.
So, on a givin day i see anywhere from, 3-5 or 300-500 depending on if i am in the kitchen or at a show.

I also have a large mane of man hair that is growing out to Fabio like glory. (for all those superficial looks people)

men want to be me, women want to be with me.... except in portland, then its the other way around most of the time.

i have some sense of style! kinda... but i like to try to incorporate my favorite colors into what i wear or where i live when i can.(DEEP crimson red, like taking a dollop of black paint into a rouge hued paint and slowly mixing them....just go to the pic i uploaded. green too, just look up malachite.)

i make too much eye contact sometimes, some people call it staring. i call it listening.

while on the job people usually notice...
my ninja star in their head
i have soft, yet firm hands while breaking necks
they suddenly cannot move, and are in fact dead
that my butt looks amazing in my ninja garb
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
some of my favorite books are movies
some of my favorite movies are musicals
some of my favorite music feeds my soul
some of my favorite food only looks good in books

books- nonfiction- first source historical texts, text books, mostly of the science variety, my real weakness though are books from goodwill outlet, $1 for hardback $.50 for soft back, i'll spend 10 bucks without blinking. i hoard how to manuals cuz i always think i might have to do something, and BAM! i have the manual. so far the count on that is 8 things. woo! i also subscribe online to medical and science journals. knoledge is power. im a history geek, if i dont know about it, i'd like to.

books-fiction- the koran (because people are always bashing the bible and afraid to bash the muslims.cowards.) lots of fantasy, really the setting means little to me compared to the interaction of the characters. a love story is a love story if its in 16th century europe or some 24th century space colony. futuristic mystery novels kinda take me out of the moment though, a good mystery is hard enough to write, let alone when its in the future and they get caught up in something i could solve with 20th century tech. it just bothers me. really its more about the ability of the writer than the genre in general so my reading is pretty eclectic.

movies- im a sap for disney movies, i just love a good damsel in distress. plus im a dead ringer for gaston, i know he's not a hero, but we cant all be. i like some action movies but i have a nasty habit of pulling a mystery science theatre 3K on most stuff with bad storylines. i'll always try to shut up and give a movie a chance, but some movies dont deserve chances, they deserve ridicule. equlibrium was awesome though, and boondock saints was killer, not to mention it has a sequal out! all the futurama movies, the simpsons movie, southpark bigger longer and uncut, akira, neon genesis evangelion, lots of older and more epic movies like the odyssey, ben hur, the princess bride, batman(w/michael keaton) and lets just go with every comedy ever made, i have a low threshold for pleasure(dont read to deep :-p) so even bad comedies end up being okay with me. horror films are great cuz i love cuddling and its fun to watch girls get scared at things i often find laughable. plus there's the cuddling. i feel basicly the same about romances (see: excuses to cuddle on the couch)

music-tool is the only band where i can listen to any song on any album in any order and not get bored or hate it. from there i like everything from Aphex Twin to ZZ Top it more depends on my mood than anything else. oddly ive never been in the mood for hardcore country,gangsta rap with no content, or screamo though, not sure why, just never heard anything good i guess. i suppose i tend toward classic rock and 80's -90's genre.

food- im a real glutton for wholesome food, im a steak and potatoes guy. i'd much rather make a home cooked meal than take out 6 days a week. im not a big sweets guy, frozen recess cups and frozen snickers aside everyones candy is safe from me. except skittles. love me some skittles.
i love making lemon chicken, steak, broiling chicken breasts with rosemary. nummy! i usually have to break down and get take out for pork fried rice though, untill i know how they make it myself.
{super edit} i now make pork fried rice better than the take out place i usually go through, sesame oil makes more of a difference than i could have ever thought.
i had a bad experience as a kid with some really spicy food so now i just avoid it in general, i find it takes away from the flavor anyway so its no real loss for me. i try not to judge others too harshly on their dietary choices but if you're a vegan or vegitarian you may find my 12 egg, 9oz havarti cheeze, 3oz chedder cheese, turkey, chicken,black forest ham, roast beef, omlet less than appetizing. (feeds 1d8 people)
immortal tech relly gets how i feel about it across.

im allergic to shellfish, it makes me sad, they taste good sometimes.
Six things I could never do without
in order,

1.) consciousness
2.) air
3.) water
4.) food
5.) shelter
6.) security

i've gotten so much crap for this its not even funny, well its a little funny. im just not that materialistic. i even purposfully didn't have a phone for 2 years cuz i was sick of people bothering me at all hours.
"Things you own, end up owning you."~ Tyler Durden

honestly im low maintenance, i live each day with vigor. the only things i need are a side-kick to share the adventures with and an arch nemesis to make those adventures interesting.
The true spice of life is in the living of it.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
language, the art and science of conversation.
math, probability, things long ago, things now, things in the future, mixing and matching things from different time periods, (Jackson rising up as as an undead cyborg to travel back in time to get adam before the, before puberty for that matter!) what if darth vader and jesus were in a death match together? games and gaming, both playing and as a point of conversation about our general tendancies in todays culture.
how i can make 1=2 using math but i cant change the oil in my car. fluidity of movement including dance, martial arts, free running, rings of free action. how insignificant we all are, how important we all are, modivation. LEARNING! comedy, all forms of jokes and joking. doing stand up, why i laugh first and help second when a kid falls on their face. seals. chaos theory, how much time i have before 4/20(my birthday)
Plot holes in movies, commentary on movies, me being russel crowe's stunt man, hitting russel crowe in the head with a steel pipe and taking his place doppelganger style, super powers, min/maxing life, the fun i have making a girls eyes roll into the back of her head, smurfs, crowbars in space, energy-in all its glory. how my ADD makes me tangent like a hummingbird on zombie meth.
On a typical Friday night I am
i just read that an asteroid (Apophis) will pass by earth on Friday, April 13, 2029, when it comes no closer
than 18,300 miles above Earth’s surface. to put that in prospective the moon is 238,857 miles away. so it will pass 1/10th the distance between the earth and the moon. from earth. thread the needle much?

people dont have any idea how fragile we are, a small drop of blue in a vast eternity. with things flying everywhere, hitting other things. all the time, forever.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes i put up walls, not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.

my love for patterns and numbers is pretty intense.
i love anagrams on the fly with license plates as material.
every sentance i hear or read is subject to mad libs editing in my head.
i like to take the words people use and use alternate meanings (Thesaurus) for my own entertainment. if you hear me chuckle at something for seemingly no reason, its probably that.

with the exception of a few life experiences, i can talk to anyone about any subject for almost any (reasonable) length of time. i'll put it out there, some times its an unreasonable length of time.
You should message me if
the tiny voice in your head says its a bad idea, that fuckers been killing the fun you've been trying to have for YEARS!
you drink
you think
you have matching cromosones
you owe me money (note: please dont message if i owe YOU money, i know, im working on it, had to pay rent, the dog needed to be groomed, my shoes were talking, i got amnesia....TWICE, i took the money i owed you, bought a roll of quarters and threw it going 40 at a bum with a sign that said "betcha can't hit me with a quarter!" you bet wrong bitch!
you like kitty cats
you think you're a cat (or any other animal)
you think you might be an equal (everyone has goals)
you like having a great time no matter what you're doing
you are wondering if i will make fun of and judge you for who you are or what you want to be. to that i say-

"Be who you are and say what you feel,
because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind"~Dr. Suess
(smart guy, no wonder he's a

but most importantly, you should message me if we are 90% or more in enemy, im currently recruting for a new arch nemises, my last Koga-ninja, wich, cat-assasian, amazon-princess didnt really pan out. its hard to contend with pure awesome sometimes.
The two of us