When I was three I met another person with my name and I was deeply suspicious of him because that name is mine. Around that same age I confused my elbow with my butt. Not much has changed.
I also used to think that we were pledging allegiance to the republic for Richard Stanz. I did not know who he was.
I ran into someone I knew outside the Sedlec Ossuary in Kutna Hora. That was both cool and weird.
One time Harvey Keitel asked me how to get to the stage door of Lincoln Center and I managed to avoid saying practice practice practice.
I wrote a joke. Are you ready?
Q: What's bigger than a tuna?
Anyway, I work for OkCupid.
People I have been mistaken for:
-the kid from Honey I Shrunk the Kids, but grown up
-Someone named Mark
I went to Little Pine. They were not fooled.
Movies: Southland Tales
TV Shows: Please Like Me
Music: Joanna Newsom
Brontosaurus (he's real, shut up)
Coffee on the subway but that's not allowed in Los Angeles for some stupid reason so
And public transportation but separately I GUESS
The House on the Rock
OkCupid dot com
How I can navigate in my mind the streets of cities I no longer live in
My cat I mean you guys she's SUPER cute
Special 11/9 update um how apparently the country I live in is just way, way, way, way worse than I thought, and I already thought it was pretty bad, but this is just so fucking embarrassing.
I read The Timeline of the Far Future to calm down.
The solution, by the way:
ɐuǝǝɹɥʇ ∀ :∀
Also if drinking beer while diving conversationally deep into thoughts about what it's like to be a fourth dimensional creature and maybe like trying to figure out what our names would be if we were whales or elephants or something. I think I'd still be Dave, but I'm interested in your thoughts.