34 Los Angeles, United States
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My self-summary
Oh hi. I'm Dave.

When I was three I met another person with my name and I was deeply suspicious of him because that name is mine. Around that same age I confused my elbow with my butt. Not much has changed.

I also used to think that we were pledging allegiance to the republic for Richard Stanz. I did not know who he was.
What I’m doing with my life
While on the NYC subway, I met somebody who would turn out to be one of my best friends in the world (after we found each other on Missed Connections). That was cool.

I ran into someone I knew outside the Sedlec Ossuary in Kutna Hora. That was both cool and weird.

One time Harvey Keitel asked me how to get to the stage door of Lincoln Center and I managed to avoid saying practice practice practice.

I wrote a joke. Are you ready?
Q: What's bigger than a tuna?

Anyway, I work for OkCupid.
I’m really good at
A friend told me I use adverbs better than anyone he's ever met so how the hell about that, huh?

Starting projects and just completely failing to finish them in anything even approaching a reasonably timely manner.

The first things people usually notice about me
"My, look at that clothed human."

People I have been mistaken for:
-the kid from Honey I Shrunk the Kids, but grown up
-Someone named Mark
-Moby again

I went to Little Pine. They were not fooled.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Master And Margarita

Movies: Southland Tales

TV Shows: Please Like Me

Music: Joanna Newsom
The six things I could never do without
Brontosaurus (he's real, shut up)
Coffee on the subway but that's not allowed in Los Angeles for some stupid reason so
And public transportation but separately I GUESS
Bubble tea
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The House on the Rock
OkCupid dot com
How I can navigate in my mind the streets of cities I no longer live in
Just fucking moving to Berlin already what am I even waiting for
My cat I mean you guys she's SUPER cute

Special 11/9 update um how apparently the country I live in is just way, way, way, way worse than I thought, and I already thought it was pretty bad, but this is just so fucking embarrassing.


Special 2/6 update STILL
On a typical Friday night I am
A clothed human.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I may gradually be turning into an albino.

I read The Timeline of the Far Future to calm down.

It always takes me a minute to remember the English words for "persimmon" and "tangerine."

Oh, the solution, by the way:
ɐuǝǝɹɥʇ ∀ :∀
You should message me if
You're a hoopy frood who knows where their towel's at.

Also if drinking beer while diving conversationally deep into thoughts about what it's like to be a fourth dimensional creature and maybe like trying to figure out what our names would be if we were whales or elephants or something. I think I'd still be Dave, but I'm interested in your thoughts.