I hereby resign myself to the fact that this won't be doing my "self" justice. I'm a (sometimes too?) serious gal that seeks happiness most. I think that's probably true of most everyone. I love to laugh, it's an everyday essential. Brush teeth, hydrate, eat well but not too much, laugh. The pattern that I've noticed so far in 25 years of life tells me this is anything but simple. So, I try to move through the peaks and valleys of this bumpy ass ride with as much grace, gratitude, dignity and humor as is possible.
Hey there, you. I am alive right now. (So are you. Isn't that exciting!)
I am constantly seeking to be my best and strongest self. I am pruning what is unhealthy and cultivating what is best for me and what most makes me happy.
I am. I am. I am.
I've been out of school just long enough to start to miss it and still feel like I am just as poor as I was when I was a 'poor college student'. I studied theatre and now work in human services.
I want to go to grad school but for what exactly? I want to continue my acting education, but I also want to teach collegiate theatre. but maybe I want to teach high school english? And I also want to be a doula. My life is a little nebulous in that regard.
My next move, from where I stand now, is to move to either NYC or Chicago and audition for a performance group called the Neofuturists; performing in a show called Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind. Look it up, it's awesome.
But for now, I LoVERMONT. I am not ready to leave here. So, for now, I wont.
I am not short.
Buxom, baby, buxom.
Boisterous, contagious laugh.
I care, it's genuine. (It's gotten me into trouble before.)
I speak my mind. ( I try to always, at least)
I LOVE theatre.Musicals are all fine and good and fun, but I really dig straight theatre. Lately= David Auburn.David Lindsay Abaire. Shakespeare(always.always.always) David Mamet(whoa, holy davids lately). Edward Albee.
I love to read. Lately= Proust. Patrick Rothfuss. Rumi. Pablo Neruda. Walt Whitman(always.always.) W.H. Auden. Barbara Kingsolver.
I love movies. Lately= Amelie. Amadeus.
I love TV shows, too. Lately= New Girl, Scrubs, Slings n Arrows.Weeds. Dexter. Heroes.
Who doesnt love music? Lately= A lot of chopin. Flashing back to Led Zep. Ray LaMontagne. Django Reinhardt.
Food. I like all of the food. Except Lima beans. And food so hot it makes me sweat and cry. Screw that.
Whatever song is stuck in my head.
Whatever book I'm reading.
Behavior; why do we behave as we do?
The future or the past. I am working on the now.
BE HERE NOW.
Why haven't I? Answer:
I have fluxuated between being indifferent to and terrified of committed relationships. I've always been keenly aware, especially through years of gathering evidence through the stories I would hear, that the math in relationships has to be 1 plus 1[and yes, I AM aware of just how cheesy that sounds]. You've got to be really stable, sure and secure in your self before you think of wrangling another into your own life. Otherwise you might enter into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. I never wanted to seek validation, security, acceptance or deep affection from another before I could give those things to myself.
(This, for a few good years, was a terrific way to stay terrified. "oh, im not ready yet". I've learned: It's always going to be a little scary. and I'll never BE READY. That's probably what makes it fun)
I have no idea if now "is a good time" or if it is anything I want at all. That's why my profile says I am seeking new friends, short and long term dating.
2- If you want to talk to someone that will be genuinely interested.
3- IF YOU ARE GENUINELY INTERESTED in listening back.
It's the most important part of this whole shebang.