30 Sacramento, United States
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My self-summary
Grew up in the bay area. Split my time between Sacramento, the east bay and north bay. Went to college in Southern California. Can swear in spanish. Adores dogs, has been attacked by geese. Never walked into a very clean window. Can be blunt and bordering on offensive at times. Fluent in sarcasm. I cook, please don't ruin my knives or cast iron. I'm probably not stalking your profile on here. I don't really remember who I look at. But then again, maybe I am stalking you. If I send you some kind of dumb or smartass message, I'm probably bored at work and trying to entertain myself. Despises emoticons and "LOL". When I laugh at a text message I try to turn it into an awkward cough, so instead it seems like I'm drowning in an invisible pool.
What I’m doing with my life
A mix of taxi driver, babysitter, garbage man, and drug dealer. Yes, the exciting and glamorous life of a paramedic.
I’m really good at
Talking to homeless people

Giving amazing birthday presents

Knocking over entire breakfast setups at job interviews


One of those things is a lie.
The first things people usually notice about me
I guess the dimples? I don't think they are that cool though.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Read: Things with lots of pictures and large font

Watch: Arrested Development, Archer, Futurama

Listen: I'm a huge fan of shitty pop punk. Sorry.

Food: I'll eat most things that don't swim or crawl underwater. I'm the worst asian ever.
The six things I could never do without
Contact lenses
Le Creuset
Air conditioning
My Futurama beer cozies
Wine in a box/bag
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Drug dosages, EKG rhythms, PALS algorithms, people's veins
On a typical Friday night I am
Watching pirated movies and getting drunk at home. Finding and eating at questionable looking mexican places. Group evangelical praise dancing. Laughing at myself/weeping quietly because I'm on OkCupid. Or you know, going outside...or something.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My iPhone is 6 years old because I fear change.
You should message me if
You appreciate the effort I put into this profile

You want to hang out and be sarcastic with me.

If you're a normal enough person and want to say hi. I'll also accept "whattup" "wassup" or just "sup".