32Chicago, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I'm not 38 years old. I chose my profile name poorly. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I put potato chips on my sandwich and pineapple on my pizza.

I was the tamale guy for Halloween once.

I like beer, whiskey, gin, and tequila.

I pretty much always want to play cribbage.

Give me all of the Cheez-Its.

Sometimes, in my dreams, my teeth fall out.

I always stand to the right on the escalator.

I don't love cats...Oh god. I just lost like half of you, didn't I?

I write ads by day. Write and perform comedy by night. I think that I'm kinda funny. Hopefully you are, too.
What I’m doing with my life
Advertising, writing, comedy-ing, adventuring, frolicking.

I got drunk on Memorial Day and accidentally signed up for a half marathon so...I'm training now?
I’m really good at
Impromptu dance parties, picking the slowest lanes both in traffic and when checking out at a store, never failing to make a "That's what she said" joke, baking chocolate chip banana bread, choosing peppers at the grocery store (they should be waxy and firm) (that's what she said).
The first things people usually notice about me

I mime flipping tables a lot.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: A Tree Grows In Brooklyn, Everything Is Illuminated, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, David Sedaris anything, The Goosebumps series.

I'm also reading Harry Potter for the first time ever without seeing the movies either. It's a magical journey.

Movies: Harvey, The Fall, Brick, Everything Is Illuminated, Tommy Boy, The Room (I even invented a drinking game for it), Super Troopers, Donnie Darko, Mean Girls, Monsters, Inc.

Shows: Broad City, It's Always Sunny, Breaking Bad, The Wire, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Happy Endings, Mad Men, Cheers, Roseanne, Arrested Development, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Freaks & Geeks, Salute Your Shorts, Fargo, Black Mirror, Bojack Horseman, The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Halt and Catch Fire, The Americans, Saved By The Bell, Bob's Burgers.

Music: Anything 90s (especially hip hop), Childish Gambino, Girl Talk, Vitamin String Quartet, Lake Street Dive, Dead Man's Bones, The New Pornographers, Rilo Kiley, The Decemberists, She & Him, Neko Case, Tune-yards, Pearl and the Beard, Beyonce, Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats, Leon Bridges, Nick Waterhouse.

Food: Yes, please.
Six things I could never do without
The Internet
My family (barf)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How can I get to the bottom of the hill in Ski Free before that monster comes out and eats me?
On a typical Friday night I am
Working on writing something, out drinking with friends, or drinking at my apartment and watching Netflix or reading Harry Potter.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I was a kid, I used to collect cigarette butts that I found on the street and hide them behind our toaster. I have no idea why. I thought they were valuable? My mom found them one day and was so confused.

Hey, wait! Don't click off my profile! Wait! Where are you going?!
You should message me if
I just told you all this stuff about me and you aren't going to send me a message?! Don't make this weird.
The two of us