46Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
Please read my whole profile, particularly the "message me if..." section at the bottom, before contacting me. I'm very interested in meeting certain kinds of people, and not at all in getting hit on by low matches casting a wide net. BTW, if you also have kids, that makes me more, not less, interested in meeting you--we'll have more in common, and maybe they could be friends! Now, on to the self-summary!

Mm, matching algorithms. Mm, smart sexy people.

I love learning and teaching. Some of my favorite experiences are when I can do both at once in an hours-long conversation with a loved one, making all kinds of connections. One of my favorite things to hear is, "Oh, I get it!" I'm grinning just thinking about it.

I keep forgetting I'm apparently not from this planet, as all the pop culture and street conversations seem to be about the logic of some other social world than I live in. If you're from Polygeeklandia too, that would be helpful. I'm neurotypical, just not mainstream. I vastly prefer compersion to jealousy, and vulnerable, open communication to soap opera plots.

I have a poly family of six plus our extended polycule, so my life is a bit complicated and busy.

I am kaizen, sapiosexual, and verbally precise.
What I’m doing with my life
My life purpose is to help people be smarter and happier. This includes myself as well as family, friends, professional contacts, and random strangers.

I live with my husband Meowse, our three kids, my husband's fiancee, and several housemates in a great big Victorian house. I'm currently raising two children and a young adult or several.

I'm a devotee of kaizen and gamification. My life is absurdly quantified. The primary gamification website I use is Habitica (formerly HabitRPG), but I've also found excellent value in Hacker's Diet Fitness Plan, Health Month, SuperBetter, and Tiny Habits. Over the past couple years I have transformed several of my behaviors and attitudes through long conversations, written exercises, irritating yet helpful insights, occasional epiphanies, and small, consistent habit shifts. I have actively improved my communication to be clearer, gentler, and more positive. While I'm told I'm now better than average in these areas, I have realized that still leaves a lot of room for improvement, and I'd rather be asking for what I want and telling my family I love them, not snapping at them or being quietly resentful, even occasionally. I'm also working on building habits of healthier diet (less sugar & starch, more vegetables) and more exercise (currently aerial class). I am perhaps 30% through decluttering my personal belongings using the KonMari process, after which I will apply it to the shared stuff in the house and help my family do the same with their stuff. I am a work in progress and will remain so for life, because there will always be new ways to be better.
I’m really good at
reading out loud, writing, teaching, learning, applying what I learn, parenting, drawing, word games, making analogies, experiencing, loving, being loved, sex, stealth compliments, dreamwork, communicating, self-transformation, polyamory, kaizen, collaboration
The first things people usually notice about me
I probably just said something outrageous in a matter-of-fact tone. And I used big words to do it. And I can direct you to further reading.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Metamagical Themas and anything else by Douglas Hofstadter; Consciousness Explained and anything else by Daniel Dennett; Little, Big and anything else by John Crowley; The Magicians series by Lev Grossman, Learned Optimism; John Gottman's books on healthy relationships; The Chronicles of Master Li and Number Ten Ox; The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making and the rest of the series, anything by Lois McMaster Bujold, Ursula Vernon, Barbara Kingsolver, Pamela Dean, or Ann Leckie; most things by Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, or Neil Gaiman, The Time Traveller's Wife, The Gold Bug Variations

Movies: Bull Durham, Tampopo, Howl's Moving Castle, Secretary, Fargo, Much Ado About Nothing, Inside Out, Zootopia, Arrival

Shows: Northern Exposure, Red Dwarf, Buffy, Heroes, TrueBlood, Lie to Me, Bones, Sherlock, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage

Music: mainly alternative and Celtic rock, filk, and folk; Barenaked Ladies, They Might Be Giants, Phish, Enya, Suzanne Vega, Indigo Girls, Tempest, Richard Thompson, Stump, Jonathan Coulton, Tim Minchin, Vixy and Tony, Regina Spektor, P!nk, The Postal Service, Sia, Nouvelle Vague, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Leonard Cohen, Watsky. Also--not-music: Firesign Theatre, Ruby Two

Food: artichokes with hollandaise, candied ginger covered in dark chocolate, lamb curries, sushi (specifically Mashiko), Ethiopian food, green tea ice cream, Cambozola, blackcurrant anything, mead, things I haven't tried before. I don't eat octopus, conventional beef or pork, or endangered/threatened species including bluefin tuna and unagi. I'm not much of a drinker, and I don't like beer, but I enjoy the occasional fancy mixed drink, especially if it has cassis or some weird flavored bitters.
Six things I could never do without
my family, kaizen, books, collaboration, new ideas, being useful
I spend a lot of time thinking about
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting the kids dinner & to bed, and walking around the neighborhood playing Ingress.

Or maybe eating the best sushi in the world with someone I love and then having mindblowing sex that may or not involve any genital contact, interspersed with delighted laughter, abject sobbing, deep philosophical conversation, and reading aloud to each other. Not as typical as I'd like, but it does happen.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Gee, that's funny--all my matches keep coming up poly kinky geeks!

I've been told I'm kinkier than I look. And it's not just the piercings that don't show in my pictures.

Seriously, though...I'm not very comfortable with driving. On the other hand, a couple summers ago I drove a van full of people at 80mph through Montana, so, well, I've been working on that. Sometimes I use car2go, more often the bus or Lyft, depending on how much of a hurry I'm in.
You should message me if
...and only if at least one of the below sets of conditions apply:

1. (old friends category) You already know me.

2. (potential dating category) You're a 95+% match and enemy match below 10%, you have taken the OKCupid Dating Persona Test (, you live in the Seattle area, you think I sound like I'd be fun and interesting to know, and you think I'm hot. I'm currently seeing several people, all of whom match me in the high 90s and are totally fantastic, so I'm quite busy and really not interested in anyone less compatible. If you are not willing to take the dating persona test, if you message me with random sex talk, or if you otherwise demonstrate that you are bad with consent boundaries, you will not get positive results. On the other hand, I might still have a little room in my schedule if I'm careful, so, if you're brilliant, compassionate, funny, polyamorous, and pervy, you have a fairly good chance. :)

3. You're interested in my atheist church.
The two of us