35Denver, United States
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My self-summary
I'm still trying to come up with something clever and witty to say about myself. Suffice it to say, I am clever and witty on a normal basis. I like hats (as if my photos aren't enough of a hint). The genetic betrayal that is my hairline offers me a chance to be self-conscious from time to time. Plus, it is always important to protect yourself from the sun. As a ginger, I am supremely concerned with my daily UV intake.
What I’m doing with my life
Everyday I'm hustling tryin' to make that paper.

I work for a software company and do basically everything minus the development. I leave that to people with a higher pay grade than me.
I’m really good at
listening, so I'm told, as I listen to other people's problems. I am pretty empathic so I think most people gravitate towards me and just feel comfortable telling me all sorts of things. My hair is big because it's full of secrets.

I'm a millionaire at Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Random, useless trivia is my game.

My snarky sense of humor makes most people laugh. I enjoy making people laugh. When is it too late to switch careers to a comedy writer?
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes and my obscene amount of freckles.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I took my formal education at the Derek Zoolander for Kids Who Don't Read Good. I can read, but it usually puts me to sleep. I do like to read on planes as it is easy to avoid awkward conversation with fellow travelers. Wearing dark sunglasses and headphones helps as well.

Music wise I am pretty open to anything. However some of my playlists look constructed by a tween or eurotrash. Or tweenage eurotrash.

Food? Please sir, I'd like some more.
Six things I could never do without
1. Hand soap
2. Mustard on hot dogs
3. Friends to talk shit with
4. Hazelnut coffee
5. Sunblock - see aforementioned ginger comment above
6. My neurotic pooch, Baxter
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why my parents weren't wealthy, thus enabling me to be a trust fund baby and summer in the Hamptons.

How I can eventually make it to the point in my life where I can summer in the Hamptons.

Why is my so dog so obsessed with me? He does make me ponder the concept of unconditional love and gives me hope for the future.

I should really stop bingeing Netflix and get some fresh air.

What is my next home improvement project?

What should I eat next?
On a typical Friday night I am
Well it's 9pm, better get ready for bed.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm really an open book. Some of my most mortifying moments are comedy gold, however you'll have to ask me. My comedic timing is impeccable and can only be experienced in person.
You should message me if
You are single, ready to mingle, have gainful employment and goals, and some form of humor.
The two of us