24 Portland, United States
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My self-summary
That's right. I'm a catholic raging alcoholic, and I take both of those things very seriously.

Disclaimer: Much like the FAQ section of Cards Against Humanity, if anything on my profile makes you feel unduly confused, This is Probably Not for You.

"Спасибо. Я люблю капусту. До свидания."
What I’m doing with my life
Advocating entropy
I’m really good at
var whatImGoodAt = console.log("Pokemon Leafgreen");

if(whatImGoodAt === true) {
return "I'm gonna be the very best
like no one ever was";
} else {
console.log("I should start sleeping at night");

var pokemon = prompt("Is MewTwo better than Mew?");

if(pokemon === "yes"){
return "No it's not you uncultured heathen.";
} else if(pokemon === "no"){
return "Congratulations on being right you classy motherfucker.";
} else {
console.log("Go watch the movies")

confirm("I pour the milk before the cereal. Haters gonna hate.");

var how = "I do not, in fact,";
var many = "believe that this section";
var chucks = "constitutes being considered a";
var would = "real program";
var a = "nor is my javascript";
var woodchuck = "exceptional considering that";
var chuck = "I don't actually know";
var if = "javascript";
var A = "I prefer c++";
var Woodchuck = "and unless you are actually";
var could = "running my code through a compiler";
var Chuck = "which would be weird";
var wood = "it doesn't matter if there are bugs";

console.log(how many chucks would a woodchuck chuck if A Woodchuck could Chuck wood);
The first things people usually notice about me
My amazing personality. Ba dum tssss. No really though, the first thing they notice is my lazy eye and the fact that I smell vaguely of cabbages.
The six things I could never do without
The inability to count to six, which saves me a lot of time when filling out forms
I spend a lot of time thinking about
dogs sneezing
On a typical Friday night I am
Downing tequila and passionately sermonizing to my cat
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I fucking hate bicyclists. Especially the ones with the long helmets. 100 points if you clip them with the passenger side door.
You should message me if
1) You're not going to send me creepy shit about your dick size. If I wanted to get screwed badly I'd be doing my taxes right now. Eyoo.

If you're not creepy, disregard above paragraph.

or 2) If you want to parade around in front of your ex flirting shamelessly with someone to piss them off, because I'm a dick and I find these things hilar.

If you decide you want to become the 10,000th person to ask me if I'm enjoying the marvelous sunshine that we're having, you're on my shit list.