What can I say about me…
I am a pretty awesome guy, though I am certainly not for average consumption. There is a quote made about me that always sticks in my mind, that I am somewhere between an angel and a used-car salesman and that suits me just fine.
I am loyal to a fault and twice as objective. I have no problem telling the uncomfortable truth, but I’ll try not to be a dick about it. I'm extremely honest, but I still might lie about something that doesn't matter to keep you from getting upset. I’m intelligent, but I’ll never treat you like you aren’t. I would rather cook than clean. I’d rather do windows than empty the litter box. I’d rather laugh than cry and I’d rather be alone than unhappy. I like lobster, but I am not ashamed or too good to enjoy chicken pot pies. I don’t believe that “expensive” and “quality” are necessarily the same thing, though that doesn't mean that I won't buy something expensive if it's worth it. I want a woman with girlish qualities, not the other way around, and most certainly not someone who qualifies themselves as a “lady”…you’ll be appalled and I’ll be bored.
I love to laugh almost as much as I love to make other people laugh…and I’ll do almost anything to make it happen. I don’t drink often, but when I do, I do it like I mean it. I don’t fall in love often, but when I do, I do it like I mean it. I would do things for love that I would never do for sex, and I am entirely unmotivated by sex even though I enjoy it immensely. I feel pretty much the same way about money. I am not fond of cliches, it has been said that everything has been said and done before, and it will stay that way if we let it. I am all for peace and love and promoting good-will towards each other, but the pitch of political correctness that we have reached in this country, and around the world, makes me want to puke. I think if people spent more time defining themselves as individuals and less time being assimilated into a group/collective/-ism, the world would have a lot less stupid shit to fight about. I believe the most compelling evidence that there is a God is the existence of "All-You-Can-Eat Taco Night". I like cottage cheese. I couldn't tell you what beautiful is, but I know it when I see it...whether in a face or an action, or a moment in time that should be remembered forever. I'm a dry-tugger. I spontaneously remember old television commercials for no apparent reason. I'd rather eat a bag of almonds than a bag of M&M's. I prefer extra crunchy peanut butter, but I'll buy smooth if that's your preference. I don't wear underwear, but I don't remember when or why I stopped. If I dated a girl as annoying as my cat, I'd dump her ass, but somehow I still keep a box of cat shit in my house. I prefer the smell of skin to the smell of perfume, but I do have an odd fondness for that vanilla shit that strippers and Vegas cocktail waitresses wear. I cat daddy when I dougie. After everything I've seen, I still believe in true love and no matter how much I wish I didn't....I do.
These are the kinds of things that make me who I am. Hopefully what I've said and how I've said it gives you the insight you're looking for...
*v2.15.4 Edits for 2011*
It has been brought to my attention that me saying I don't want a "lady" implies I am looking for someone who's "down to fuck" or some shit. I think the kind of women that interest me would probably understand the inference without me explaining it, and if that's what I was looking for I'd say "I am looking for someone who is down to fuck". I don't really do the "hint thing", I'll just say it.
I don't care for games and bullshit. I have also been told I am "passive" because I prefer to have harmonious relationships and I don't sweat the small shit, don't feel the need to argue over everything or take exception to every misstep. I'll tell you a little story. I own what is, quite possibly, the most uncomfortable couch in the entire world. When people come over, I apologize in advance and warn them that they're welcome to sit on it, but that it's not very comfortable and they're not going to want to just flop down on it cuz they might get hurt. I, however, am very familiar with it and I can sit and lay, even sleep on it and be perfectly comfortable. Regardless of that fact, if I needed to get rid of the couch or if I could no longer be comfortable on it, I'm perfectly capable of going to get a new couch or just sitting in one of my very comfortable chairs. Don't mistake my being affable and understanding for being passive or weak-willed .
Oh yeah, I got rid of my cat. I guess sometimes the pussy really isn't worth all the drama eh?
This profile contains 9 instances of the word "shit" (including this one).
That said, I am musician...I'm a good guitarist and a passable drummer. I enjoy cooking and I am good at it, though you won't see me on the food network any time soon...mostly because I'd rather cook a big-ass pot of spicy chili than foie gras with peanut butter and mercury sauce or whatever unappetizing shit they happen to be cooking this week. I'm good at expressing myself, and over-expressing myself, especially in writing. I am good with electronics and computers and most things that require logical or mathematical thinking. It's likely, if you have kids, that I can whip their ass at whatever video games they play as well...and no, I don't let them win. I generally am known to be good at saying the right thing at the right time, making people smile, and being a good friend. Other things I will save for later....
I almost never watch TV accept when I need to veg out and not think about anything. When I do, I like Law and Order (which is good since it's on every channel 100 times a day) Dexter (at least the first two seasons) Burn Notice, sometimes House, maybe some things on cartoon network like Venture Bros. I'm not an "at the movies" guy really but I'll pick up Blu-rays of things I wanted to see. I like most things with Johnny Depp or Christopher Walken....the current "pop in and watch while doing something else" movies are The Ninth Gate, 300, The Prophecy, Event Horizon, one of the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings movies, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven...whatever. As far as food, I am not super fussy but I'm also not real adventurous. I'll try almost anything but I can't tell you the last new thing I've eaten that's become a favorite.
Music...well, that's a whole separate page. I can dig pretty much anything that is well composed and has creative merit. I generally prefer music that displays some amount of technical proficiency but the more "cool" it is, the less that matters. That said, I generally do not care for rap or hip-hop music, nor do I care for country music. "Back in the day" when I was a performing musician and teacher I would have admitted to being a music snob, but I am long enough divorced from that lifestyle that I don't think that's true any longer.
Easiest way to sum it up is that my music collection, alphabetically speaking, starts with Ace Frehley and ends with Zakk Wylde, along the way you still have Duran Duran, Lucy Pearl, Miles Davis, and Prince.
Long term, I don't know what I would do without my computer, my guitar, available music to listen to....without a partner to truly love and share life with, to have ridiculous and probably embarrassing sex with and to laugh with. Is that six?
So what do you want here? Do you want me to say something like "I'm not too cool to admit that I love my mom" or tell you that I shave my junk? Is it funnier if I make up some outlandish thing about cross-dressing and midget fisting? Whatever....I'm not even remotely shy, if you have a burning question, hit me.