i actively work to be kind. i do communicate with more efficiency and frankness than most people. i'm pretty satisfied with where i am, & quite optimistic about where i'm going. i'm around a lot of underground stuff and would love a partner who likes to do Some of the Things Together. i make time for a relationship. getting to that point doesn't happen overnight. i also value everyone's independence & alone time.
culture is my Big Thing. mostly contemporary & modern visual art & theatre. i like music of many flavors that usually isn't & wasn't top 40. i like learning about music & movies from people more focused on those things. i love talking books, but don't judge those who prefer different paths to learning. i like exploring. i go camping a few times a year. i'm not sporty, but would love to get into cross-country skiing, kayaking or canoeing. i've begun focusing on comedy; it's a big part of my surreal art.
close friends 'seem pretty straight but may have a wacky streak,' or are 'kinda wacky but Very stable at this point.' They don't talk much about: conspiracy theories, food/diet evangelism, complaints about little things. i date men Not Currently steeped in anger or sorrow. i'm quite liberal and could date someone Very-Liberal to mostly moderate. not conservative or libertarian. 'radical left' can be difficult - it's possible with someone who doesn't proselytize to me or constantly demonize people.
often quirky, Always fairly slender men (runner/tennis build, not football/stocky). never w/permanent facial hair. ie: leonard cohen, barack obama, anderson cooper, lance armstrong, david bowie.
someone who makes me think. shares rich conversations And silent times. is empathetic, Supportive, & Giving. talks to women the same way he talks to male Peers (& it's not like a professor lecturing). is Ready for a real relationship, & makes time for one.
a lot of folks want someone to play with, be entertained by, who's usually "light & sexy." i like to play - but most of my time & energy isn't spent playing. i'm at peak productivity, and it makes me Very Pleased, tho occasionally tired or strained. if my date wants us to play together it's awesome, i want more of that too! but he needs to make at least half of it happen (not put it mostly on the other one's shoulders). to be a good match for me, he also needs to be someone who feels that 'of course' he is 'there for' his partner as a fellow, mutually supportive adult. i'm looking for a true partner, not a third job as entertainment director. i offer affection, support, interesting experiences and talks, and eventually hopefully love, all of which i also want to receive. i want companionship, which is deeper, and more mutual than mere entertainment or play.
i have a kid, but he's a grown-up. i'd prefer not to date someone with kids younger than teens, or wanting new ones.
ginger beer, hard cider, liquers, malbec, bourbon
it's a wonderful life, defending your life, i <3 huckabees
WERS, WUMB, music from around the world
the little prince, sinclair lewis, edith wharton
andy warhol, louise bourgeois, surrealism
online dating is hard for everyone! but if you actually want to get a response (from any woman, including me) here are quick tips: a) an initial message that refers to her profile in a specific way, and isn't just a physical compliment, so she knows you read it, b) avoiding a big copy paste in an initial message. if you wrote a good thing, put it in your profile; c) not responding to women who clearly state they are looking for someone radically different from you.
if you're the opposite of what i seek (as opposed to, outside the edges), why waste our time? win win's are the best.
Opposites include: current/recent military/police; Stocky/ heavy build/ football player body structure, permanent facial hair; no cultural interests; >1.5 hours' drive from boston; <39; anti vaxxer, food obsessive; lifestyle S/M; children <13; conservative or libertarian
i'm not using this site for friendship building.
Monogamy & Me:
I'm looking for a primary partnership with one man, who is looking for the same. non-monogamy is not in any way incompatible with close, primary partnership relationships including marriage. Having an occasional date with someone who's not on a 'relationship ladder' path to primary partnership is not a disqualifier. Being married, or poly with a primary, is, as is being 'heavily into poly' and someone who will be constantly trolling for new relationships.