i'm very assertive, and can seem abrasive at times, but i consciously work to be kind. i'm constantly learning ways to communicate with greater compassion and gentleness while maintaining the efficiency and clarity i prefer. i'm very focused on heading down my path. i have to make it happen for myself, so i can't be all things to all people. but i'm not out to get anyone else. i seek to create win-win situations wherever i go. i work to be a fair dealer. i work to be an equal giver. and i work to be a good partner.
i am seeking a man who is ready for a real partnership. who over time is able to bond and fall in love. who is willing to be vulnerable and able to open up about his feelings and concerns. who is willing to make time to prioritize romantic companionship, and who is open to a relationship that Eventually would include cohabitation. who can be giving, and is not inherently resistant. who shares at least some interests, and an intellectual range and knowledge set that makes us suited to rich and stimulating conversation.
It's difficult for me to find the right match who is fairly intellectually compatible but is also an inherently kind person. i am also sensitive, and can get down or anxious about the state of the world, the behaviour of others, or challenging things i make myself do. this is not a hindrance to my functioning - it's under control and doesn't impede anything i really want to do. but some people are uncomfortable with other's emotions, and can't take the intensity of my emotional responses at times. in general i strive for a very zen, nearly vulcan control over my emotions. but they do exist and at times come passionately to the fore.
i have chemistry with a 'runner's physique,' and not a 'football physique.' it is not about being strong or athletic or having no ounce of body fat but it Is very much about having a particular body structure. permanent beards or mustaches don't work for me. examples: barack obama, anderson cooper, lance armstrong, leonard cohen. even jeff goldblum. i'm a sucker for a long face and have no problem with quirky features or a romaneque nose.
i have an adult child, and don't wish to have more children or step parent kids younger than teens, so i'm not dating when there's a kid under 13 in the picture, except in rare circumstances.
my interests are the arts, humanities, and politics. i'm an artist working in 3-D, performance, video, and written media, and i go out to a lot of contemporary visual art & theatre. i'd like to go see more comedy since a lot of my work is comedic and surreal.
i go camping several times a year and enjoy nature. i like more slow and quiet things than extra sporty things. i'd love to go kayaking or canoeing or cross country skiing with you, if you're into that, but i won't be climbing rocks or racing things. i like to be with men who can have long conversations, and can open up, but are also often quiet. i enjoy being together silently doing separate things, or doing a project together.
my closest friends are stable, reliable, even-keeled people who share my core values: equality and respect for all people, and avoiding frequent stewing in anger or complaining at length about small things. they are folks who believe in trying to do the right thing, in personal responsibility not only in one's private life but as a citizen of the US and the world. including consuming high quality sourced information beyond a tiny filter bubble, voting, being environmentally conscious, and doing whatever possible to contribute towards helping improve things.
I avoid people focused on demonizing others or making the perfect the enemy of the good. no blame/shame/bandwagons/witchhunts. i do not date conservatives, libertarians, or the deeply religious. Also, I'm still with Her and if you fell for the witch hunt and demon construction on the far left (and the bulk of the right), and have yet to self-examine, then move on by.
if you're the opposite of what i seek (as opposed to, outside the edges), why waste our time? win win's are the best.
Opposites include: current/recent military/police; Stocky/ heavy build/ football player body structure, permanent facial hair; no cultural interests; >1.5 hours' drive from boston; <39; anti vaxxer, lifestyle S/M; children <10; conservative, libertarian, bernie or buster
i'm not using this site for friendship-building. i also don't do instant chat.
Monogamy & Me:
I'm looking for a primary partnership with one man, who is looking for the same. non-monogamy is not in any way incompatible with close, primary partnership relationships including marriage. Having an occasional date with someone who's not on a 'relationship ladder' path to primary partnership is not a disqualifier. Being married, or poly with a primary, is, as is being 'heavily into poly' and someone who will be constantly trolling for new relationships.