44Berkeley, United States
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My self-summary
If all things fall
and we are just emperors, serious
and accurate and fugitive
in such dormant lines of gorgeousness
the day is a locksmith
dew lies long on the grass
and I a rustic ask: what is
a surface—and respond
only omniscience, the crumpling face
as the domestic emotions elucidate
themselves a sea of mist
exists so strangely side by side
the potent mould of anarchy and scorn.

- Lisa Robertson
What I’m doing with my life
I want to be wise but not so wise that I can't learn anything.
I want to be tall but not so tall that nothing is above me.
I want to be still but not so still that I turn into a mannequin or get mistaken for a tree.
I want to be in motion but I want the ants in my pants to sometimes take a vacation.
Sometimes I want to be slow but not so slow that everything passes me by.
Sometimes I want to be small but not so small that I am easy to miss.
Sometimes I want to be invisible but not gone.
I want to be all the people I know, then I want to know more people so I can be them too.
Then they can all be me.

- Thylias Moss
I’m really good at
I sell ice in the winter, I sell fire in hell
I am a hustler, I sell water to a well

Impregnate the world when I come through your speakers

Never read the Qu'ran or Islamic scriptures
Only psalms I read was on the arms of my niggaz

I talk jewels and spit diamonds, all cherry like a hymen,
When I'm rhymin' with remarkable timin'

I'm so far ahead of my time, I'm about to start another life,
Look behind you, I'm about to pass you twice.

- Jay-Z
The first things people usually notice about me
The change has come. There is no search. But there is, there is that hope and that interpretation and sometime, surely any is unwelcome, sometime there is breath and there will be a sinecure and charming very charming is that clean and cleansing. Certainly glittering is handsome and convincing.

- Gertrude Stein
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”? Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie that’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs. It isn’t even a movie – it’s TWO movies with some trailers and stuff at the beginning, and also between the movies. The directors – more about them in a second (there’s TWO!) – wanted to recreate the way movies were back in the 1920’s, when you could sell a script that was one page that just said, “TITS THEN A MONSTER THEN MORE TITS THEN AN EXPLOSION THEN BONUS TITS” and everyone knew what you were talking about. Also, there’s zombies getting killed by a helicopter, which is not only cool to look at, but shows how the movie-makers did some research, to make things realistic. First off, the movie lets you know you’re going to get your poop kicked out of you, formed into a set of brass knuckles, and now here comes a poop-punch. Because they show a trailer for a movie I need to see RIGHT NOW with my eyes (I already saw it in my head when I was driving last week and Van Halen’s “Panama” came on the radio and I’d just started eating a Payday). It’s called MACHETE, and it’s got that Mexican guy who’s always in movies where there’s people who really need knives stuck into them, and he’s always, “Here, let’s get those knives in you”. Danny something. Whatever his last name is, he should change it to, “Fuck-a-dilly” because everyone says that automatic when they see him, because he’s going to bring the fuck-a-dilly to the movie, which will probably involve a foot, a face, and foot-face-fuckup. Also, Cheech from Cheech and The Chong is in the trailer, and he’s a priest and he’s shooting people, which is ironic, I think. Then the first movie starts. It’s called PLANET OF TERROR, and it’s about a planet (which looks a lot like Earth) that’s made of pure terror. Here’s how shit-scream terrorizing it is: there’s these mutated kill-monsters, but even BEFORE they show up there’s all this fucking terror. Like a doctor who wants to kill his doctor wife, and the doctor wife is always sticking these three needles into people which fucks them up, and there’s a sheriff who’s played by that Reese guy from TERMINATOR robot. The sheriff looks like he’s always going to kill someone by crushing a bunch of walnuts in his mouth and spitting the shells through their skull. So, there’s a lot of shit like that, plus Fergie’s cleave, some bar-b-q, bad parenting, Bruce Willis turning into a monster, and Rose McGowan with a machine gun for a leg. I’ve never seen a woman I wanted so bad to rub one out to, but also kind of killed my boner in a way that gave me a bigger boner. Oh yeah, she almost-nude dances for the first three minutes of the movie and even though she doesn’t get totally naked I need to go buy three extra PAUSE buttons for my remote by the time the DVD comes out.

- Patton Oswalt
Six things I could never do without
If I've learned anything from the "Swiss Family Robinson," it's that what I'll really need in the event of a shipwreck is a decent team of child labor. Oh, did I say labor? I meant, um, colleagues.

Willow Smith: Not only will this pint-sized powerhouses pipes be great for morale-boosting, but her patented Whip My Hair technique will really come in handy in the unlikely event that no blow-dryers wash up on shore.

Lily from "Modern Family": The original version. The one that looks cute but doesn't talk.

Timmy Martin from "Lassie": I know what you're going to say: But Timmy fell down a well. Well, actually, no he didn't. He fell into abandoned mine shafts, off of cliffs, into rivers and lakes and, in one freakish incident, into a pool of quicksand. That's it. Hes perfectly capable of fetching our water.

Dora the Explorer Marquez: Somebody's got to know how to work a compass. And her established relationship with Boots the Monkey bodes well for taming the islands indigenous species.

Ryan Gosling from "The Mickey Mouse Club" (1993-1995): Wait, what? He's now 31 years old? Well ... I'm sure he'll be useful somehow.

- Una Lamarche
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Become totally empty
Quiet the restlessness of the mind
Only then will you witness everything unfolding from emptiness

- Lao Tzu
On a typical Friday night I am
A Glossary of Orgasms

Averse, nf
A sudden shower of orgasms. Also, a deluge of pleasure.

Bougonnement, nm
A grumpy orgasm. An orgasm who doesn't want to be an orgasm.

Croissé, nf
An orgasm that takes you to the place where life and death part, where heaven and earth meet.

Diablesse, nf
An orgasm that burns you alive. An orgasm that shows you heaven and hell.

Etoile, nf
An orgasm who thinks it is the only star in your heavens.

Fraude, nf
A fake or deceptive orgasm. Also, a smuggler of orgasms.

Gifle, nm.
An orgasm that slaps you in the face. Also, a wakeup call.

Hargne nf
An ill-tempered orgasm that makes you pay for all your sins.

Idem, nf
An orgasm that takes you again and again. Also, an orgasm like a ditto machine

Jouet, nm
An orgasm that treats you like toy, or something to play with when one is bored. much like a cat with a ball of yarn.

Kamikaze, nm
An orgasm that can only happen once in a lifetime. Also, a lethal orgasm.

Local, nm
An orgasm from your hometown. Also, an orgasm with pompoms.

Moulant, nm
An orgasm that fits you as snugly as a knit dress.

Narratrice, nf
An orgasm that narrates events as they happen.

Ombre nf
A shadowy orgasm who takes your light away forever.

Prisme, nm
an orgasm that changes the way you see the world.

Quotepart, nf
the number of orgasms one is allowed to have in one's life.

Rappel, nm
an orgasm that calls you back again and again. An orgasm who always says encore.

Spectateur, -trice, n
an orgasm that watches you, as if from above, whenever it makes love to you.

Tragique, nm
An orgasm that always ends badly.

Utopie, nf
The afterlife of orgasms.

Vague, nf
An orgasm wave. An orgasm that is washing over you again and again.

Watt, nm
A unit of power, used to measure the current flowing through the heart of the orgasm.

Xenophobe, nf
An orgasm that dislikes anything new.

Yoyo, nm
An orgasm that changes its mind frequently.

Zeste, nm
The peel of an orgasm. Also the flavor or spirit of the thing.

- Nin Andrews
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
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