Is this, I ask myself, where I am going wrong? Is this why I have been on this site for three years yet had no meaningful contact with anyone?
Should I, rather than attempt to engage with a woman's personality and intellect, simply send her a message saying "hi love, here's a picture of my knob, now show us your tits."
Let me just lay this on the line now. I am not going to send you pictures of my knob.
You can beg.
You can plead.
You can offer me money.
Actually, come to think of it, that last one...
i feel I need to mention that I am somewhat intimacy averse, a characteristic i attribute to my borderline Asperger's personality. I am not here looking for sex.
No, really I'm not.
I'm not saying it could never happen; just not right now.
Stop it. Why are you looking at me that way...?
I also used to be a commercial sculptor; making patterns for jewellery and giftware. just crap basically. I'm a frustrated novelist who once had a great idea for a thriller which I gave away to a friend who wanted to make the transition into commercial thriller writing. Such is my life. Success by proxy...
The other thing I do is work at the sharp end of charity as a volunteer with Samaritans. I try not to draw attention to it but we're all supposed to be open about it now so that people don't think we're shadowy faceless figures and all vicars and schoolteachers or something like that. Just ordinary people...
Fuck that. I'm anything but ordinary thank you very much. I'm also now struggling with my description of samaritaning as being the "sharp" end; shouldn't it be the warm, fluffy end?
Edit. I'm not doing this any longer. At least not for the time being. I'm still helping out with the IT and stuff though.
I spend far too much time on the internet.
Don't know the difference between grammar and syntax? Clearly you aren't the one for me then...
Books? Well, too many to list here. My favourite author is John Connolly, whose use of english is like music; you can rip any page from his books and read it in isolation just for the beauty of the narrative prose.
Films? House of Sand and Fog probably tops my list. Blade Runner too, and (a bit obscure this one) Light in the Piazza. Yes I'm a soppy romantic really.
I firkin LOVE The Big Bang Theory. I spent two years dissing it because I thought it was just another trashy American sitcom in which all the cool kids poke fun at the silly geeks who can't get a girl. Naturally, i identify with the latter group so it took me a while to realise that it was the exact opposite.
the company of women
You look like Jennifer Connelly, even a little bit. This is not an exclusive condition. I mean you don't HAVE to look like her. It would just be nice...
And if you know that the second person personal pronoun in English is "you" and not "u", that there is NO Q in barbecue and that it's "could have" and not "could of".
You know that there is a difference between 'discreet" and "discrete" and that the difference extends to more than just the spelling.
Otherwise don't bother...
I'm guessing that my answers here put a lot of people off, so just to offset that, I don't really mind if you spell barbecue "barbeque" just as long as you accept that it's WRONG, but the "could of/should of" thing and the discrete/discreet thing, that's a deal breaker...