I am a male great ape, and compared to my closest relatives I have an unusually upright posture, little body hair, and a small stomach which means I prefer my food processed by fire. I have considerable mental faculties, and with them extend my lifespan.
I stare at a glowing rectangle and evoke changes on it by smashing my digits against small buttons. In these and other ways I seek love, companionship, and the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
From what I glean from people's profiles, I am prone to argue about the Oxford comma. Let's just say: it is correct, and anyone intentionally leaving it out is obviously a gibbon.
I domesticate animals, mine and refine metals for tools, and have superficial tribal instincts. I purposefully ferment beverages to temporarily alter my mental state. I have a firm grasp of logic, geometry, and higher mathematics.
I have put the seeds of Mother Earth into space, and have sent mechanical envoys to the outer planets. I know that the world is quantum-mechanical and generally relativistic, and I believe the Church-Turing Thesis is a physical law. I have split the atom, decoded the DNA of life on Earth, and laughed at cat videos on YouTube.
I am omnivorous, but can adapt to a wide range of diets. I cook, and have developed agriculture and dairy farming; all three possibly effected evolutionary change in my biology.
you appreciate the joke/rant that is this profile or have a correction to offer;
you don't mind silly word play;
you like holding hands.