23 Phoenix, United States
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My self-summary
When I was fourteen I complained to a kid in a wheelchair about having to walk home and that's when I realized I'm kind of an asshole.

Pretty funny for a girl.
What I’m doing with my life
I work for a cable company and try not to cry about it.

Learnin' about mortuary stuff.

People on the internet sometimes pay me to turn their ideas into short stories. So, you could do that. Or don't. I mean, I can't make you do anything.
I’m really good at
Knowing exactly how much to feed a fish. You're probably overfeeding your fish. I can help you.
The first things people usually notice about me
"You're the funniest person I know" -my five year old cousin, who doesn't know anyone.

"You've worn that shirt, like, three days in a row" -everyone else
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Galapagos, House of Leaves, Dracula, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Devil in the Details, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns), Psycho, To Kill a Mockingbird, It, Shopgirl, The Book Thief, The Magician's Nephew, The Shining, When She Was Good, Haunted, Goat, She's Come Undone, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, The Red Badge of Courage, Player Piano.

The Jerk, Natural Born Killers, The Machinist, I Think We're Alone Now, Frost/Nixon, American Beauty, The Truman Show, Big Fish, Monster, Cry-Baby, Mary and Max, Heathers, Flight, Space Jam, Labyrinth, We Need to Talk About Kevin, Still Alice, What We Do in the Shadows, Shattered Glass, Her, Drop Dead Fred, It, The Martian, The Jungle Book.

The Life and Times of Tim, King of the Hill, The Oblongs, Oz, Community, Weeds, Law and Order, Clarence, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Broad City, Orange is the New Black, Californication, Bojack Horseman, Futurama, The Sopranos, The Riches, Wilfred, Leave it to Beaver, Six Feet Under, Scrubs, Flight of the Conchords, Lucky Louie, Pushing Daisies, Little Britain, Dexter, Home Movies, Summer Heights High, Modern Family, Grey's Anatomy, The Office, Black Mirror, Parks and Rec, Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Freaks and Geeks, Orphan Black, Nurse Jackie, Goosebumps, Bob's Burgers, United States of Tara, Twin Peaks.

Jane's Addiction, NWA, Garfunkel and Oates, Math the Band, High School Football Heroes, Amy Winehouse, The Refreshments, Bright Eyes, Wallpaper, A Published Life, Say Anything, Portugal. The man, Flight of the Conchords, Buttress.

I just put peanut butter on everything and call it a day.
The six things I could never do without
An excessive amount of pillows
My kitten
My other kitten
Validation on OkCupid
The moon, probably
I spend a lot of time thinking about
'Did I close my car door? I should probably go out and check.'

'Could I handle prison? God, what if I end up in prison?'

'What do the people in the Paranormal Activity movies do for a living? How are they paying for these huge, demon filled houses?'
On a typical Friday night I am
Writing stuff, eating stuff. Fig Newtons, mostly.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
There's been a dead bee in my car for two months.
You should message me if
You probably shouldn't. I'm just looking out for you.

Unless you have a haunted house and need someone to delve into its mysterious past with. That'd probably be the only exception.