notyourbigpapa
47 Portland, United States
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notyourbigpapa
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My self-summary
Hi ...... I'm Russell.

So I consider myself intelligent and witty, but not pedantic. In fact, I think the use of the word "pedantic" is itself...pedantic. .... I just thought I would point that out.

Ummmmm?.... Let's see, what else? .... Oh yeah, also ....

A friend told me once that I was good at having a life with some edge, but gracefully balanced with integrity and responsibility. ... errrr ... I think they were super high at the time, so what ev's.

I'd like to think of myself as kind of a Jack Donaghy meets Hunter S Thompson, but I might be a bit more of a Michael Bluth meets Kenny Powers. .... but either way, with a dash of Bill Murray. Which means I can be amusingly sardonic in almost any social situation. ... Umm ... and I mean that in a good way. .... I have a huge soft spot for freaks, geeks, and misfits.

So in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should get some stuff out there right off the bat ... So, I do have a job ... actually that's not true ... I actually own a couple of businesses ... I know, busted! ... But it get's worse ... I also own my own home ... as well as a car ... I know! Lame! ... but the good news is that you won't have to drive me to band practice ... mainly because I am not in a band ... I know! ... Double lame!! ... And now for the really awkward part ... I am ... like ... totally single ... and emotionally available ... and into monogamy ... I know, gross!! That's probably the biggest deal breaker, right? ... I guess none of these things are going to help me win "Portland's most Cliché Bachelor of the Year", but I guess these are just some of the ways I'm a super radical nonconformist in Portland.


Ok .... Forget the rest of the verbose nonsense below .... I've got good whiskey and bad wine at home, and a hot tub out back. .... and central AC ... Your move!
What I’m doing with my life
Grrrrr, I hate using "Executive / Management" as my job, ....it's, like, so totally not punkrock or mëtal. Anyway, I'm an owner of a couple techie and/or creative businesses, make a very good living, and enjoying a life of understated aesthetic leisure... Gawd, that sounds pretentious! .... I mean I have a very flexible schedule that allows for spontaneous adventure ... and a wee bit of Portland day slumming ....
I’m really good at
....being organized, being on time, being dependable, being dedicated, being patient, being helpful, and being self deprecating. Oh, and I'm also really good at trivia, foot massages, and cat juggling.

Beyond maybe being "good at", I also "love" singing Meatloaf at Karaoke, kicking ass at Pub Trivia, indie music festivals, awesome movies at the Hollywood Theater, the Opera, exploring museums, smarty pants lectures, geeky volunteering, art events, road trips, hiking secret beaches you can't drive to, picnics in inappropriate places, air mattress star gazing/snuggling, cycling or motorcycling a far flung road or trail, snowboarding a blustery mountain, or floating a quiet river.

I love to travel, and I have the time and means to do so, and I'm really good at the logistics of travel, but I hate traveling alone and I'm lousy at the "what to see and do" kinda stuff ...That's where you come in! Where should we go? ...*whisper* ... I have a shameful amount of unused airline miles ... just say'n

But seriously ... someone who can travel for a month or two each year would be a big mondo major plus ...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books? ... *eye roll* ... I have them ... and read them .... *whisper* .. Nerd! .... Ok ok ... Camille Paglia! ... Discuss?

I also have a fetish for collecting Magazines ..... not to be confused with collecting magazines about fetishes. My friends think I have a hoarding problem with the magazines ....but the only problem I have is when my friends come over to my house and mess up the order of my magazines for chuckles. ....ummmm..... my friends are DICKS!..... Uh ...please don't touch or talk about my magazines.

Movies? .... All over the map, from high brow auteur, to grindhouse schlock. Some of my favorite movies in the last couple years were Hesher, Drive, The Tree of Life, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Her, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Under The Skin, The Zero Theorem, Interstellar, Force Majeure, The Big Short, and The Revanent are some of my most recent favs. I think Showgirls, Smokey and the Bandit, and the 80's version of Flash Gordon are the most brilliant movies ever made! .... I am not ashamed to admit this .... I AM NOT CRAZY!!..... I ....AM ..... ENLIGHTENED! ....ummm......Discuss?

TV? ....*smug pretentious tone* Ummm ... I don't own a TV ...
*snicker* .... I'm just mess'n with yah! .... I heat my house with TVs! ..... I watch all the shows you watch ... and a lot of the ones you don't ... and anything that involves Alaska and/or extreme truck driving. .... DON'T JUDGE ME, HIPPIE!!

Music? ... old Grunge, old Punk, old garage rock, outlaw country, cheesy eighties metal....Hey Man, there's NOTHING gay about Judas Priest!! ..*snicker* ....errrrrr ...also lots of current Indie crap that the hip kids are into, and Opera (season ticket holder). The last few shows I've been to were Man or Astroman?, Guitar Wolf, Jason Lytle, Punkrock Bowling and Music Festival in Vegas, Sub Pop's 25th Year Jubilee, The Postal Service, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the FYF Music Fest in LA, Dead Moon, Meatloaf's Rocktales & Cocktails in Vegas (OMG!!), The Pixies, Guided By Voices, and The Replacements.

Food? ... I love all kinds of food ... I seriously can't keep up with what our town has to offer ... I love all the amazing ethnic food made by white people Portland is known for ... and I love ethnic good that's actually made by ethnic people too ... yes that still exists here ... I know places!

Artists? ... Jeff Koones, Paul Caponigro, Andy Goldsworthy, Vito Acconci, Miguel Calderon, Chuck Close, Damien Hirst, Survival Research Laboratories, and others.

Oh, and I suppose this is as good a place as any to disclose for your approval or dismissal, that I don't give a crap about watching sports, whether Pro or College ... not my thing ... a couple of rare exceptions would be watching Pro Cycling or going to my small home town's high school football games.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
..... how Portland used to be .... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm5y-ldn3xE

.... do nerds in tight jeans dream of electric motorcycles?

..... sure, the Oxford Comma .... but what about the Vermont Vo-Tech Shwa?

....Astronomy, Cosmology, Physics, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Economics, Technology, Design, Art, Photography, and Film. ....and the fusion of Science and Art, i.e. "The Third Culture"

.... replacing a moss covered trailer down by the river with a hip tiny cabin down by the river.

..... learning to sail.

..... where is the best Thai Steak Salad in town?

.... cashing out and opening a Moose Burger cart in Alaska ... or buying a sheep ranch in New Zealand? .... or maybe stay closer to home and starting a goat farm in Vernonia? ... doing any of these things with an amazing partner is pretty much mandatory ... just say'n
On a typical Friday night I am
... out waging an uncompromising war on Art, under the dictatorship of the Proletariat .... ummmm ... or at home, watching Children's Hospital
You should message me if
.... you want to meet a younger, more urbane version of this guy .... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDQQfBrSUs0

.... you're a fellow Sapiosexual, that has a thing for cool dapper nerds ... ummmm .... but without being weird or creepy about it! ...

Deal Breakers: No Juggalettes! ..... or if your name ends in a vowel ... especially if it ends with a "y".....errrr..... I AM NOT CRAZY!!

Ok, so this is the section where you ladies usually list your "Deal Breakers" .... which, by the way, can sometimes be totally hilarious and eye rolling ...... anyway, rather than revealing any nutty superficiality on my part by listing my own deal breakers, of which there are many, I assure you, I'm going to respond to some of your more common and very reasonable DB's with a list of what I like to call "Deal Makers"(<- see what I just did there?)

"no creepy shirtless bathroom mirror cellphone pics!!"
RESPONSE: Check! ... And Ditto! Keep it classy! Bathroom mirror Selfies = "I am a total narcissist, who is also unimaginative, and possibly agoraphobic ... " .. Not a good combo! Oh, and take the damn sunglasses off! Your FB and IG friends know what your eyes look like, but us OKC'ers don't. ... and what is up with all the bad Selfies taken from the driver's seat of your car? ... wearing sunglasses?!!.... Up your game, Ladies!!

"no homophobes, Republicans, racists, or extreme Christians!!"
RESPONSE: We're all good on that front ... I am a non-racisit, rational, scientifically minded, agnostic, Democrat, who has a few gay friends who are pretty rad and fierce ... probably more than your gay friends .... Oh Snap!

"no drunks or junkies!!"
RESPONSE: Double Ditto!! I do love to have the drinks, but I am always responsible and drama-free. And I never do hard drugs. I would ask the same of you. And I can happily roll with Straightedge'ers and Teetotalers if that's your way to be together and drama-free.

"please have a job!!"
RESPONSE: No problemo! I got the skillz to the pay the billz. Though I can play the slacker if that's your type, but I am not one of those cliché loser Portland dudes looking for a sweet sugar mama. I make a good living for Portland, and I can bring a lot to a relationship ... without being a douchie braggart about it .... this rare declaration being a practical exception, of course.

"please have a car!!"
RESPONSE: I do own a car. It screams ... well .... cranks ... Old World sophistication .... in a "bought off of eBay from a Tijuana Chop Shop" kind of way. So I will never ask you to drive me to band practice ... mainly because I am not in a band. Totally cool if you are though. ... or not. I also have a truck and a couple of rad motorcycles and bicycles. ... *shrug* ... It IS Portland, after all.

"no married dudes, polys, or cheaters!!"
RESPONSE: I am single, and I am very wired and eager for commitment and monogamy. ... I will add, Portland being Portland, for you Ladies who are into Open/Poly relationships, I am very open minded, GGG, and etc. I have a handful of friends that are in various Poly relationships (haha, that's totally the Portland version of "I have black friends", isn't it?), so its not an alien world to me. So I'm happy to meet and date all kinds of amazing women, and I don't have the jealousy gene. Despite a couple of poly ladies trying to convert me to the "lifestyle", it hasn't stuck. Maybe I just haven't met the right gal(s) yet? ... *shrug* ... So with all that being said, if you're a "committed poly" (Phrasing!), you're probably not up to offering what I'm really looking for over the long term. But feel free to reach out and connect if you think we might have fun. .....*whisper* There ARE some actual single women on here, right? Or does the "OK" in OKCupid mean "Open Kouples"?

"no liars!!"
RESPONSE: I am a very open and honest person ... sometimes awkwardly so, if that's not apparent yet. It's all part of being a mondo nerd ... I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. ...Ummmm ... except when I'm being sarcastic, ... of course. .... So please be open and honest yourself, and also be able to recognize and value a man who is honest with you. ... errrr ......or at least be good at faking it.

"no aloof, flaky, passive aggressive, or emotionally unavailable types!!"
RESPONSE: MEGA-ULTRA-DITTO!! Oh man .... From my experience trying to date women in Portland, that's kinda like the black skinny jeans calling the black hoodie .... uh ... black .... and stuff ....*smug self-satisfied chuckle*..... Zing! ...*wry smirk* .... Oh Portland, why can't I quit you?

Ummmm ..... Wow .... So you actually made it to the end? .... So what do you think? .....It was totally great for me ..... No ....really. Like .... maybe we should have coffee and pie sometime?
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