27Manhattan, United States
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My self-summary
I dropped a golf ball into an AC vent back in 2001, so I'm your guy if you're into the "rebel/bad boy" types.

I also think that morning wood is the dumbest thing ever. Why can't morning wood be a thing that inspires me to do well and get stuff done efficiently throughout my day? But nope, instead here's a dumb penis, good luck today, dummy!
What I’m doing with my life
Writing my book: Here are 20 simple steps to avoid elevators forever.

Soon to be a New York Times best selling author.
I’m really good at
I can't think of anything specifically that I'm exemplary at (besides that stellar use of exemplary and stellar), but I like giving people quick ways to get over their ex's.

For example: Picture them in a mariachi band.

You're welcome.

What were we talking about again?
The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm celebrating the gift of life every single day in the exact same way; searching for my real father and probably Nair'ing my neighbors cat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Cranberries is my answer to all of these questions.
I can't read and I'm a deaf man without taste buds.
Six things I could never do without
1. Jeff Goldblum
2. Jeff Goldblum
3. Jeff Goldblum
4. Jeff Goldblum
5. Jeff Goldblum
6. Jeff Goldblum
I spend a lot of time thinking about
That if someone were to write a musical about my life, the writer would have to find an ungodly amount of rhymes for "pizza puff." Good luck, maestro
On a typical Friday night I am
Taking a bath because then I can enjoy a cigarette while cleaning off my sweet ass body.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That if you're an Asian businessman who likes to party, you should come to my house any night after 8pm. But make sure you bring water shoes and a great/open attitude. Ok thx

Also I spent a lot of years thinking I was secretly Jewish due to the fact that I say "oh boy" during the first minute of any conversation
You should message me if
You continually trip over yourself and call it a dance move.
The two of us