27Baton Rouge, United States
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My self-summary
in a monogamous relationship with the most amazing man you'll never meet because i keep him locked in my ribcage and only let him out to go to work. not interested in flirtation, sexting, sex, or dick/tit/whatever pictures. don't try it.

riddled with social anxiety, please keep that in mind. i want to make friends, but shit's hard. it really is.

p.s. i am not laid back or down to earth. let's be honest. i can be silly and immature as hell, but i'm also uptight as fuck and far too judgmental for your own good.

+ reading/books
+ makeup art
+ pokemon (on 3DS and also Pokemon Go, in which the boy and i are both proud members of Team Mystic. MYSTIC REPRESENT!)
+ RPGs
+ alcohol
+ moderate, responsible drug use
+ writing, poetry, writing poetry
+ photography (i take pictures let's take pictures!)
+ fighting the good fight against people who think grammar isn't important anymore
+ cooking
+ listening to music. favorite band is tool.
+ kink/BDSM and kinky play, but not with you
+ loads of other things, PLEASE feel free to ask since another interest of mine is
+ talking about myself, if i feel like the other person is actually interested and not annoyed or pretending an interest. oh, and
+ writing letters. real ones, not digital. as in, on paper, sent through the mail (snail mail and penpals!)

that coupled with the other sections of this profile should give you stuff to talk with me about, so go ahead.
What I’m doing with my life
Honestly? Hopefully marrying my boyfriend soon, and trying to figure out what to do with my life. Throughout the last year and a half I've noticed myself suddenly having certain ideas about my future (like marrying the man I love so much, getting back into writing stories and becoming a good photographer) click into place like they'd been floating around waiting for the right slot, and I'm basically now trying to determine how to make my way toward those points on my mental map. Also...makeup art found its way in there somehow? So between being a minor fledgling diva and an amateur photographer I guess I have my work cut out.
I’m really good at
contradicting myself. confusing myself. making it too complicated, overthinking it, etc. noticing patterns ("every car in this row is a toyota camry from a different year!"). giving personalized gifts.
i'm sort of good at singing, writing and taking pictures too but i'm really shy about those things.
The first things people usually notice about me
I used to say my hair, but I kinda cut it all off. I guess you'd have to tell me. If I ever get down to practicing, maybe it'll start being "my makeup" or my clothes or I guess how loud and bossy I can be when I'm comfortable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
THIS IS THE LONG PART. I AM NOT SORRY. If you are capable of reading but don't we probably will not have much in common. Especially if you don't read because it "takes too long" or you actually use "TL;DR" in earnest (that is, you seriously mean it when you use it)

BOOKS: note: i. love. historical. fiction. especially if it's set during World War II.

the fountainhead.
love walked in.

most anne rice vampire books are a go.
a density of souls and the snow garden.

young adult fiction like sarah dessen, francesca lia block, david levithan, rachel cohn.
e.e cummings' works. the sandman series.
verses that hurt.
Poems 4 A.M.
Phoenix Poetry (Baudelaire) even though that doctor was confused that someone my age was reading it at that time.

i liked John Green before it somehow became cool. shit yeah, i'm now a hipster.

Any book featuring Aloysius Pendergast.

James Rollins.

almost anything to do with personal perspectives of WWII-- diaries of Holocaust victims or stories dealing with the Holocaust like Number the Stars or Night or I Lived a Thousand Years or Sophie's Choice or Soldier X or...yeah, i could go for a while.

rock (tool, a perfect circle, puscifer (anything maynard james keenan touches i'll probably love), robin trower, huey lewis and the news, editors, mew, ra ra riot, the shins, dave matthews band, led zeppelin)
classical (philip glass, ottorino respighi, vivaldi)
whatever parov stelar is
electronic/house similar tostromae
whatever john mayer is
hip-hop (digable planets)
R&B like Sade, Kevon Edmonds, Jill Scott, Goapele...
music in european languages (kaizers orchestra)
countryish (rascal flatts, dixie chicks, randy travis, alan jackson)

i like a tiny bit of j-pop. and j-rock. not much at all though, because i find asian languages dysphonic as hell.

MOVIES: hm. that's more difficult to answer. one of my favorites is no reservations. boys don't cry, august rush, factory girl, evening, talk to me, the avengers movie and avengers: age of ultron. the collection. you're next. now is good. Saw.

FOOD: zesty/"southwestern" food. my mom's gumbo. tomato basil soup. zucchini. pizza. salmon teriyaki. artisan cheeses.

(did you really read this far? i might quiz you.)
Six things I could never do without
it's probably unhealthy or something to say you couldn't do without your significant other(s) but i mean, in a way, i couldn't. so: my miwo.

books. movies. words. music. lists. my mom. structure. organization in chaos. the ability to think. fingers. cameras. notebooks to write in. black ink pens. stationery to write letters. choices. kinky people. let's be honest, some small amount of alcohol (while my consumption has decreased considerably, i am still what i am).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
myself, really. sex. self expression. work. what i want in a relationship. what i want for myself/my life. kink. my mom and if she is okay.
how i want to decorate my apartment.
whether i will ever fall into feeling like i am a part of any of the -isms of the modern day, or will i just forever feel alone in some ways?
why it's necessary to not feel alone in one's beliefs and values.
how to transcend the need to not be alone in one's beliefs and values.

my strange fear of people's reactions to my opinions, especially since i refuse to change those opinions so that i don't have to fear opinion...? contradiction, seems like.

On a typical Friday night I am
reading. doing internet things. reading. talking to my boyfriend. reeeaaaading. playing Pokemon. playing Sims. playing Sims and Pokemon while talking to my boyfriend and doing internet things in between reading.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
i have a bad habit of sabotaging potential social connections due to a terror of further rejections (read: i am afraid that the more of me you know the less of me you will like as a result of past experience), and i don't let shit go easily. be patient and be brave; i need you to.
You should message me if
you're into makeup art, you like smoking slim cigarettes in holders, you do recreational drugs, you're queer or whatever, you can deal with being around somebody who sometimes is a total fucking bitch...and especially, if you read more than you play video games. seriously, does anyone else read voraciously anymore? am i alone? hello? is this thing on?
The two of us