31Honolulu, United States
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My self-summary
Hi, I'm a self-serving guy who enjoys manipulating others. My interests include:
-Gawking at people on the beach until they get up and leave
-Kitten mittens
-Asking where the Spam is in Whole Foods

My ideal first date would include:
-Lots of awkward pauses and long, impromptu bathroom breaks
-Sweating profusely in the AC
-Food that makes us really uncomfortable and gassy afterwards... lets see who can "sneak" one out first ;)
What I’m doing with my life
Slowly decomposing
I’m really good at
-Cooking Chef Boyardee and pizza rolls
-Mad libs
-Sloppy shave jobs
-Failed workplace romance
The first things people usually notice about me
The pizza stains
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Twilight series
Movies: The Twilight films
Show: The Nanny (Fran Drescher, that accent gets my juices flowin!)
Music: Close call between Creed, Beck, and Nickelback
Food: Zebra cakes and street meat
Six things I could never do without
-Serial abortions
-Candy Crush Saga
-Volcano tacos
-Sleeping in disgustingly late
-Revenge f***ing
-Slow cars with good safety ratings
I spend a lot of time thinking about
-Throwing elk blood on vegans
-Billy Mays (RIP)
-The Trail of Tears
-The Puppy Bowl (them mugz is cute!)
On a typical Friday night I am
-Rockin' wrinkly button-ups to the club
-Picking fights with friendly couples
-Drinking until I stop having fun
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Daddy didn't love me
You should message me if
If you wanna meet a real a** person... or if you want your life to take a turn for the worse
The two of us