28Kansas City, United States
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My self-summary
Lawful Neutral female human seeks adventuring party, and would totally love to pet your dog (not a euphemism).
What I’m doing with my life
I lead a glamorous hobbit lifestyle--comfort, snacks, playing with friends when I'm not staying in the house marathoning TV shows or teaching myself to code. I just moved to KCMO (Waldoish) with my husband and am looking for friends.
I’m really good at
-Varsity-level planning.
-Correctly pronouncing the hard-to-pronounce.
-Handing out emphatic, very specific compliments like candy.
-Knowing what color would look good right there.
-Faking extroversion.
-Remembering things with terrifying specificity.
-Googling it to death.
-Baking things or cooking breakfast.
-Handling annoying phone calls to customer service.
The first things people usually notice about me
"That girl looks super easy to talk to! I'm going to tell her a story about my life! Maybe several!"
-many complete strangers' apparent thought process. I look approachable!

Plus I smell like candy, have an adorable receptionist voice, dress colorful, and try to be both witty and helpful, and am fat. I comfortably identify as fat given "Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself." -Albus Dumbledore. I feel awesome, take exemplary care of myself.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have gleefully lowbrow taste and love grindhouse and horror, the more one-liners and playfully-severed limbs the better. Anything by Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Sam Raimi or SyFy original movies (think Megapiranha and Sharknado). The Conjuring, Pacific Rim, Gravity, Ginger Snaps, Legally Blonde, The Other Guys, The Heat, Mean Girls, Zombieland, Cabin in the Woods. Top three: The Scorpion King (with the Rock), Army of Darkness, Spider-Man 3.

Brooklyn 99< Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, Justified, Supernatural, Parks and Recreation, Spartacus, Reno! 911, The Whitest Kids U Kno, The Walking Dead, Helix.

I'll read anything that can sit still long enough, but I mostly stick to horror, fantasy, and teaching myself things with non-fiction. I'm reading the A Song of Ice and Fire novels right now, and love Stephen King-he always has these perfect phrases where I get it. I'm writing an adaptation of The Gunslinger and then the rest of his Dark Tower series.

I'm a voracious, unapologetic pop monster with an iPod full of hard rock, gothic, and metal, and a decades old wish to see Britney Spears live in concert. My top three life changing albums meme was Oops I Did It Again by Britney, Avenged Sevenfold's City of Evil and Night wish's Once.

I'm an omnivorous creature of habit that eats a banana every day, would like the cherry-flavored one, and has had the same Mancino's order for 15 years. I'm a connoisseur of apple varietals, bake amazing cinnamon rolls, and can make movie theater popcorn at home. I'll have a couple craft beers, an amaretto sour or some sort of vodka-lemonade-nonsense here and there.

I fucking love Dungeons and Dragons and other tabletop roleplaying< especially d20 based. I've been writing a Tarantino-inspired Pathfinder campaign for a few months. I hoard dice enthusiastically. I rarely play videogames, but when I do, Left 4 Dead 2, Civilization V, Animal Crossing, MarioKart and Pokémon are favorites.
Six things I could never do without
Internet: It’s basically a miracle and I am mindblown every day by how COOL this is. Most of my friends live on it, and overall, the providence of sweet lady Internet is the closest thing I have to religion.
Conair shower brush: I have a thick, majestic three foot long mermaid mane that likes to stick to itself, and this very specific brush is the only thing keeping it from strangling me in the sleep.
Digital photography: has really opened up the control and accessibility over the images we take, and shrunk the barrier into filmmaking.
Office supplies: I hoard colored pens like some sort of dragon that needs to write a lot, in Technicolor.
Makeup: It’s living art in motion that only lasts one day, and rubbing colors on my face genuinely delights me.
Skim milk: Two straws, with ice in it. I went four days without it a few years ago, and I’m still no longer welcome at that Starbucks.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I make a conscious effort to love and/or be delighted by as many things as possible--I seek it out, because life is more fun when you're stoked!

A lot of processing power also goes to staircase wit, intersectional feminism, fat activism, plots both bunny and nefarious, and life improvement.
On a typical Friday night I am
Home with my husband, but damn if I'm not working on getting out more!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I often scan objects in my immediate vicinity and devise clever, amusing, elaborate, or otherwise entertaining ways to dispatch zombies with them.
You should message me if
If you'd like to be friends-without-benefits with me. I'm married to a dude I'm stuuupid in love with and am now only looking for platonic friendship. If you want somebody to look at cat videos and memes or toss some dice with, I'm ya girl!
The two of us