29New London, United States
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My self-summary
I shake my butt in public often and
I make faces at kids if I go to the store;
I'm definitely that guy, but I like that guy.

My name's Kando.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm not interested in traditional relationships.
I'm mostly trying to connect with 'quirky'.

I'm registered with the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Board games. Bonus if you're competitive!
I like to scrawl where I can. It's all crap!
Terrible terrible paintings too. Try with me!
Winter walks. Work for that kiss - I'll be bundled like an eskimo!

Plants. I have too many plants.
My friend got me hooked.
I’m really good at
Saying yes, positive vibes. And being a snarky little shit too.
Stealing off your plate in public, like the batman.
Getting myself kicked under the table. Much less batman.

Basically, being a goonie in general.
The first things people usually notice about me
I was once described as acidic and welcoming;
much like a fresh orange without rinds or peel.

I think that's what the people are thinking.
Or that I can reach high things. Probably that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Island. Slapstick. The Stranger.
Boogie Nights. Beetlejuice. Muppet Treasure Island.
Why? The Cranberries. Melee.
Broad City. South Park. MST3K.
Six things I could never do without
I will never own a car which doesn't also have a sun roof.
That off of my chest, here are a few of my favorite things:

scent: tarragon.
feel: curling into my undersized sofa.
taste: dipped pretzels.
sight: the copper glow of streetlamps.
sound: crystal castles!

I'd also like to live in a green house, with its muddy smell
and its earthy warmth and white lit-up walls.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Everything as a caricature or vignette, even though it's not.

Social norms and taboos.
I embody an harmless faux pas.

Words like non-plussed and shaft,
which can mean one thing or the opposite.

Pop culture and why no one gets my non-sequiturs.

When it was that I started conversing with people's pets.
On a typical Friday night I am
bumping fenders to make a tight parallel park.

... inappropriate.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My mom says I'm a catch.

During sex, I tell jokes sometimes
and we try hard not to laugh, but we do.

I own hunky men pillow cases, which were a joke gift.
I flaunt them, obviously.
You should message me if
Let's be serious: you're not initiating.

Just in case though, message me if
you can laugh at yourself sometimes.

That says enough about someone I'd feel great meeting.
It's about having charm without all the caked-on grace.
The two of us