- THIS IS SO FUCKED
What are you reading? - AUTHORING REVISION (21/01/2014)
This profile is largely a place to collect my thoughts around relationships right now. Write to me if you like, or respond if I've said hi. At the moment I'm enjoying corresponding and being free to express how I've felt upon reading a profile or seeing a photo. Might be an expression of attraction, might be that you seem a great person - just means something resonated.
My 'Dating' efforts have transmuted into the below efforts.
An ace article - link beyond the extract I've chosen.
A more individual path is being undertaken and it began just a bit before this sexual health gubbins, just an irony that as the effort was gaining momentum it was galvanised externally by having me pay more attention to my sexual connections.
Enjoy the article and I hope we're all realising this as we journey through meeting interesting chaps and chapesses.
Begin by directing the unconditional, loving admiration you used to reserve for people you’re attracted to, outward toward all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships. Start ten new kinds of relationships with people you never imagined could be your dearest friends and most dependable allies. Who are the people in your life who are ready to receive your trust and vulnerability? Give your trust to them and ask the same in return. Since there are no limits to the closeness possible with another person, what fears do you have to face to get even closer? Share those fears and ask for help instead of trying to manage them alone. Let the people in your life know what it’s really like for you, and enlist their help to bring closeness back into your daily existence. If you choose to have a primary partner, please remember that no matter how strong the relationship, one person is not enough for any human being to be close with. It is in your nature to desire closeness with all people, closeness that rarely has anything to do with sex. We have yet to discover what it will be like to have so much and such varied closeness in our lives.
The passionate intensity you’ve saved only for sexual encounters can fire up all areas of your life. What else besides sex ignites that much passion? What dreams and desires for your life would you need to rekindle in order to burn as brightly about your daily existence? Take on the challenges that make waking up exciting, that fill you with a sense of wonder and magic. Expand the envelope of who you think you are. Find feelings long buried and set them free. Cry wet tears and laugh with your whole voice; tremble with fear and giggle with embarrassment; storm with outrage at the cruel ways we’ve been hurt; weep with tenderness at the beauty of our existence. We need one another to feel these glorious feelings, so ask for all the help and love and attention you need. And you do need it. We just can’t do this alone, and we should never have had to in the first place.
Reclaim Your Body:
Sensual pleasure is our birthright, and it is available in thousands of forms besides sex. Take off your shoes and walk barefoot through the grass, the mud, the rain. Learn to breathe freely, so that every breath reminds you that you are alive right now! Dance, finding and releasing the movement within you, reveling in the gorgeous organism that you are. Touch your body freely and frequently, reawakening your senses. Take joy in the movement of your muscles, the feel of your sheets sliding on your skin as you lie down to rest, the splash of cool water on your face, and the swish of that coolness in your mouth as you drink. Become aware of the food you take in, not only savoring the taste, but also cultivating a sensitivity to how it makes your body feel long after it is digested. What would it take to slow yourself down enough to notice how much feeling is always available for your awareness? As you rediscover your senses and your infinite, creative range of movement, play like you did as a boy, when no one had to teach you how. Play hard and play soft, inventing ways to be in exuberant contact with everyone in your life.
- Both in nature and as subject.
Enquiring mind - Insightful and observant - Still and contemplative.
- Largely contrary
Optimistic but wry.
Direct yet verbose - Articulate yet convoluted.
Warm yet perverse.
I am in open relationships and seeing people.
I really want to enrich and determine my life - It feels like a period of my life when I need inner focus.
- Or a slap.
Currently insulating my sanctuary (Home) with activities and furnishings that bring me peace. New music, candles, baking and planning fuller cultural pursuits than the more adhoc social driftwood I have been of late.
Also getting back to Writing and performing, and having a dabble with songwriting (lyrics, not music..)
Do flag veggie recipes, vegan (though I'm not - nice to know food can be so and tasty) - new bands, films, plays, exhibitions, lectures, youtube lectures..
Stuff that makes your life great that you want to share with me, or allow me to explore myself.
Involved with two companies (kind 3) - All communications of sorts.
One mine, the other I'm one of four Directors.
They're both tiddlers and the latter is gaining momentum.
The first is a bit part of who I am
- the latter a big chunk of what I do.
I've never put this in a profile yet but my work is sorta, as my friend puts it, in the 'Save the Whale' sector
- yet a touch more hardnosed than that. Not much though.
I rarely wear a suit (shame) and my office is too relaxed even for me. Don't consider myself a big shot, so don't expect AlphaMan
- I'm just involved in, what I feel, is valuable enterprise
(most of the time). I guide myself by 67% what inspires or nourishes me, 25% that which intrigues me, 8% what I feel no one else can/will do that seems to need to be done or be created.
This approach hasn't made me wealthy yet, but it makes my life varied.
Training for Half Ironman distance (not an official if this means anything to you) August 2014 - Other build up challenges permeating the diary - This is the friends component.
Chums for any discipline would be great.
Running I kinda got covered but always enjoy chats and plodding through green stuff from 10-15miles.
Cycling - I kinda suck so anyone really keen on that then let me know, I do enjoy it but 100k seems daunting at race pace.
Swim - Not really sociable but if someone likes to swim with others I'll happily be really awkward and make lame jokes whilst I try not to look at your physique/ass&boobs.
Also opening this year by moving toward training in therapy/counselling..
Part of my communications work relates to a form of therapy and I want to have that work be properly informed
- It also will give me a better idea as to how directly I wish to work with persons on their wellbeing in the future.
Perhaps technology experiences, designed interventions, group facilitation, consulting on policy, one to one talk therapy, physical therapy e.g massage - and perhaps even forms of teaching.
All of which I've experience/qualified in to greater or lesser extent.
The general thrust of my life intention/purpose is to represent mySelf and support others in doing the same.
Know thyself, be thyself, express thyself and when there is some barrier to that, in body, mind, system dynamic (community/company) and international relation then to address it with what tools are at my disposal.
Sometimes to change behaviour of individuals and in turn communities by introducing a service or shifting an aspect of the built environment, sometimes just to observe and pass creative comment through authoring some more artistic representation
- in both of these hopefully not so flippantly or abstractly as to be pissing in the wind.. or arrogantly as to assume to know Utopia.
To do what I can with what I understand.
My sister is kinda awesome too so I hang with her a fair bit.
I go down to the coast to visit my mum, eat good food and run by the sea (a format of nature very much needed) - something I plan to do more regularly, and to add cycling/swimming when weather allows.
I'm doing my best to invest in my social life.. I don't know where it went but I put too much energy into my dating life and some casual relationships and that wasn't wise.
I love my friends but it's become a situation where I have great friends and I see them one on one - not really group activities or nights out. I go for meals/drinks/cinema maybe and.. that's it.
Seems like there's a thriving metropolis to take advantage of whilst I have the energy. Be good to feel I have a posse to revel in that.
I really want to sketch more this year.
And return to writing (a big part of my past and my disposition).
- If you go sit places and sketch then ace, or if you're an exhibitionist and want to be naked and sit for me then ace again. That's super creepy but I do like the idea of it and life drawing has been one of the funnest things I've done recently, and something I took a lot of energy and fulfilment from.
Oh! - and I am doing my best to cook. My mate has a home brew thingy and so I'm making bread and soups and stuff. It's fun and rich and satisfying. Can't say I'm a good cook but I love the meditation of the process.
And I'm reading more - not enough but aside from a staple diet of graphic novels (intelligent ones.. mainly autobiographical stuff, definitely some superheros but they're the minority - though I'd never turn away a league or a vs. or any adjective of a collective of ubermensch) I do end up reading what is in honesty, high brow self help, and then I like ethnographic/social research stuff.. and then just books with good layout, or crisp novella. I won't be picking up any Game of Thrones or Stieg Larson.. I appreciate economy in my reading material, and pictures ;-)
(And emoticons it seems).
- I also got myself some hiking kit and getting out of London on the train/coach/zipcar would be great.
Essentially I want to consolidate my flippant gestures and resource expenditure around fun into grander endeavours.
Also would love to plan some travel - I recently figured out I'm not totally incompetent and can travel alone - thus European travel can be simple and regular.
Time to get adventurous and be the Explorer I claim to be.
That's probably it.
- Oh, and then that I talk in a weird way, and do stuff slowly.
Thai/Chinese - Italian
A Straight Story...
Stand by me..
Paul Thomas Anderson
- I still believe in M Night Shaylaman.. He'll be back.
Pixar - except Cars/Planes.. WTF?
How to Train your dragon
Me likey SciFi
PunchDrunk - Changed what I expect from going out.
Six Feet Under
Yes - I'm going to put Murakami, deal with it
Jason Lutes - Berlin
Macklemore and Ryan
Taylor Swift (kinda serious)
See FAQuests earlier in the profile
I've been sectioned.
I am about to compare being a parent, to having genital herpes.
HSV2 - i haz it
No, this isn't someone else applying graffiti to my page.
(Confirmed - and likely first time I'd have been a risk - Xmas2013)
- If you're someone revisiting me after.. ahem, visiting me, then nature of things means that you weren't someone I felt was at risk. Have spoken to anyone I've recently been with.
- Most clinics would suggest if you're symptomless after a month then you're likely A-ok.. (I paraphrase, don't take my word for it, not a medical professional) ..Or that they can't tell whether you have it anyway (unless you fork out £700). Either way, no need to freak, just go get tested and have a chat. Good practice anyway.
US stats but useful nonetheless:
16% of Americans have HSV2, ¼ women and 1/6 men have it. Most have it and don’t know it and most people who pass it on do so when they do not have any symptoms.
Something that surprised me? You have to ASK to be tested for it, and it is not a routinely done test.
The odds of a female NOT taking anti-virals passing it to a male partner who does not use condoms is about 5%.
Condoms and antivirals cut the risk down by 50% each. So 2.5%, and 1%.
Through having this experience I have read all that I could and learned enough to know how to protect myself and my partner.
WWJD if he had her peas (probably did - DaVinchi Code):
- These guys deserve a MOBO
STICK OR TWIST: From.. http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/08/7-spiritual-dating-dos-donts-shana-bilfield/
Timing is everything when it comes to sharing ourselves and our “stories.”
Date someone who shares every single wounded, unhealed childhood issue on a first date.
Date someone who asks questions showing great interest in you, while showing appropriate boundaries revealing select, relevant parts of themselves at the right moment.
All spiritually inclined people are shaped by their colorful past. Your stories are what lead to your spiritual seeking, what have molded a deep soul worth engaging. While dating, it is important to keep the aspect of divine soul connection and play intact during the discovery phase. In doing so, the process of hearing a person’s stories will naturally unravel over time; like a shiny new present opened at the right moment. Everyone is at a different stage in their healing process.
The more a person identifies with their story, the more they are their story. Those with greater awareness have the potential to connect from presence, from a place that is deeply rooted in self, rather than ego. If two people are able to meet in a manner of such presence, it is possible to allow give old stories a rest in order to nourish a budding soul connection.
'Me' again - Diagnosis:
I've read up on 'Disclosing to a prospective/new partner'
Recommendations are you retain/withhold this information til such time as it becomes necessary to present it and some connection has been made. Not convinced.
I'm aware it seems presumptuous, but I think it's naive to think that dating, at some stage will have one party consider the other as a sexual partner. Not suggesting there's a particular point at which that occurs, but at some stage it will be the case..
I don't have a kid, but if I suddenly threw that out on a second/third date or moments before stepping through the door on the evening when you're due to spend the night, I'd expect disorientation..
This consideration is something that exists for me and it n't going anywhere. So I'm attempting to be considerate and let those of you know that will be hardline dissuaded from engaging know as early as possible.
Though as with the hypothetical child, just because I have a child, doesn't mean I expect parental responsibility from you on the first date. There's the comparison. They're the same. Science says.
One would hope you're relating to me on more than just sexual grounds - and if you do some research then it doesn't stop play altogether. Far from it.
Besides, this is sort of a public service announcement.
Get informed people!
I played safe by most people's standards and I didn't take the risk away entirely. And you can't - so just do what you can.
Plus - go get tested for all the other stuff, it's easy and you could save yourself a lot of faff.
Disclosed - Now that's done, aside from the multiple relationship and bipolar stuff I'm totally standard.. Best profile EVAH!
Our match rating and answers to questions may allude to some other stuff.
I've overdated - End of last year I made myself highly available.
- I was lucky, I met some amazing people, and I am vibrant in fresh company - but it was draining.
Now, I'm investing in that which has integrity..
that which isn't seemingly transient. Relationships (social or romantic) or activities.
This effort has been since February but seems I was a bit of a tanker (phonetic equivalent's accepted) and derailing (mixed metaphor) course (another one) meant a serious deep cleanse.
Also, scrutiny as to why I was indulging an urge to meet new people so much.
Don't know that I have solid conclusions but I noted enough short/mid/long term impacts to suggest I may need a change of tack if I was to live as I wanted to and have a life I'd be proud to involve others in.
I'm taking a new approach to dating that is more selective and inbound. I'm not suggesting I have the credence to be selective, just that I'm filtering which I build myself.
(A) You have space for a person in your life... - You are kind - You haven't a fixed idea of what a relationship must be - And you are tactile and affectionate.
--- Or if you can imagine being a guide for Rufio and helping him feel less of a lost boy.
Chums all well and good.. though, that said;
I like attractive people. I like feeling valued.
So.. if I can laugh, train, be inspired by/with you, share life's riches, feel valued and eat with you -- We're on to a winner!
I love to talk, and wander and eat and see cultural stuff.. and happy to involve people in training, and my work schedule is weird so I can snatch odd pockets of time.
If you're a contractor, or PhD student or something that's not quite 9-5 then great as there's so much of London and life that I want to take advantage of outside of hours and happy to pick up slack when the world is dull.