DJs need not apply.
you want to make out to Loveless with your soulmate.
you never wear gym shoes outside of an athletic setting.
you want a companion and peer to work with side-by-side on separate projects, possibly collaborating, definitely taking breaks to bang.
you are not still in your "New York is magical" phase.
you do not think "creative" is a complete job title or "adult" is a verb.
you have nerdy qualities (you are good at math / fluent in a programming language, you like science fiction and comics, you really dig Silent Hill) and / or had a nerdy upbringing (you were a frequent forum goer in middle school / sorta miss Geocities, you can name at least 50 Pokémon), but approach contemporary nerd culture with an appreciative detachment rather than as an active participant (you are not a BNF, you do not callout on Tumblr, you do not watch contemporary Dr. Who, you do not cosplay at conventions, you do not constantly quote Monty Python as a substitute for original humor).
you are not a Scorpio.
you are not over forty. If you are, we have nothing in common and you know it.
your ego can handle a woman who isn't going to suck your dick and call it ice cream.
you are interested in a monogamous relationship.
Alternately, if you are Bun B, these requirements do not apply to you, please skip ahead to the front of the line.