11-3-16: Relocating to the Bay Area. Haven't found a place to live yet, but we want to live in SF because we're both urbanites and Oakland is just too far to commute and SJ is nice but ain't SF.
8-13-14: Taking advantage of the new (to me anyway, I think they've been around for a couple months at least) Relationship Status/Relationship Type fields in "My Details". It seems like it should improve the number of locals who match well, but I'm not holding my breath. I simply don't see any evidence that there are very many non-monogamous women on OKC within 100 miles of here who are over 40. But OKC membership isn't (and maybe even attitudes aren't) totally static, either.
5-30-14: I just moved to Omaha from Chicago. I'm finding the things I loved and hated about Chicago are pretty much opposite here. One example: traffic. Another example: walkable neighborhoods with amenities you don't need to have a car to get to to enjoy.
I don't find too many good %matches here because I don't think non-monogamy is something people are very comfortable with in these parts, at least around my age (I get a lot more if I lower my age range to 30, but that's two decades younger than I am, so... unlikely!). Still I'll maintain this profile and check it from time to time in case someone shows up here who matches well with me.
7-23-12: New OKC pet peeve: the essay sub-section says "The most private thing I'M WILLING TO ADMIT" (emphasis mine). So why do so many treat it like a request to make public their deepest, darkest secret? Maybe it can be as innocuous as admitting to drinking milk out of the carton or some other bit of misperfection. In a sense this is related to some misguided attempt to present oneself as flawless, which for me anyway is kind of a red flag...
Still newer section, 3-3-12:
So yesterday I messaged someone who had a nearly blank profile and was consequently a 0% match, but who had some photos I found attractive (zaftig, rubenesque). Of course this is very low probability, but what the hell, right? So (somewhat surprisingly) she responded within about 15 minutes, and was polite but said "I'm not interested in casual sex". Well, this is a bit of a conundrum, since I'm really looking for more than that in a way. So it's important for me to clarify. I'm in a high-depth and rich relationship with someone who identifies as poly, who also has some "fuckbuddy"/FWB (God do I hate both terms but they get the concept across) relationships she finds rewarding. I see no problem with this, and would be open to relationships like this myself. In other words I think that relationships based on "sex for its own sake" can be very rewarding (and tend to lead to a deeper relationship when the sex is mutually good). It's basically how she and I met and it's really flowered into something incredible. But such relationships aren't the same as indiscriminate and/or one-night-stand kind of sex, which is what the term "casual sex" connotes to me. And plus (yes I read too much David Foster Wallace) I'm open to deeper-than-sex-for-its-own-sake relationships. The caution here of course is (as they say in the poly community) "love is abundant but time is not". So to sum up, I just unchecked "casual sex" and checked "short term relationship" (which was inexplicably left out), but if you need the nuance around those overly coarse-grained choices, well here's the paragraph for you.
End still newer section
New section: 2-27-12
I created this profile a couple years ago and let it go dormant, when my life was quite a bit different, but when I was on the way to discovering how to live my life in an open, genuine and authentic way. Nonetheless, I'm gratified to see how few corrections I needed to make to the old text, mostly edits that make clear I'm not married anymore (I'm divorced now). I now identify as poly with a deep and unshakable relationship with rednwhitehot, who I mention below as "a friend on here who recommends this site". But identifying as poly is new for me. It feels right because I'm usually (and somewhat amazingly) comfortable with her dating other people. And because it's also exciting to explore my rather late-blooming slut side (although I've definitely moved to seeking quality over quantity), which is also something that's pretty evident in the older unchanged text on this profile.
End new section.
I'm here because I'm looking for friends who share my outlook on life, and because I have a friend on here who recommends this site. I like it so far, it seems intelligent and close to my own values.
I've tried a few of the casual sex hookup sites and while I've made a few friends there (including the aforementioned referrer), they inevitably seem to attract a lot of thoughtless me-first sex-as-PARTAY-WHOOO! commercial-porn-approach-to-sensuality goofballs (of both genders). And require a fairly enormous amount of time spent for a fairly poor ratio of quality friends made to time spent. Which by the way I more or less expect as a middle aged male, but perhaps here the goofball factor is lower.
I am creative, easygoing, and sensual. All of these are important to me in a partner as well.
- Talks like he strings together complex run-on sentences, as if allergic to linear narrative.
- What a nerd/geek this guy is.
- He's really over fifty? Wow.
[3-13-12: I don't as urgently want to remain hard to identify on here since I'm no longer cheating and sneaking thank goodness, hell my face pic's prominent now. But I'm still uncomfortable being totally "out" as poly, not because I think it's wrong or have some sense of ashamedness about it, but because I really don't feel like fighting through all of the opprobrium and misconception that that'll stir up, mainly among some family members and co-workers]
How to distill?
Books: I read a LOT. Just finished Gibson's "Pattern Recognition", but please don't pigeonhole me into the cyberpunk/scifi ghetto, only the most recent is all. [2-27-12] I have to say since I wrote this I've really hoovered anything/everything by the late David Foster Wallace.]
Music: I'm a rockist at heart, which means in some sense staying true to the rebellious spirit and shying away from that capital-R Rock that becomes "conventional" (i.e. "Classic"). But of course "rock" has both many progenitors (blues, jazz, R&B, country, folk) that I love as well as many spin offs (e.g. electronica, techno, industrial) that I similarly enjoy. And then there are the indirect hybrids like Reggae (King Tubby dub!) and African that are also very rewarding. Oddly, for a roots rock rebel type most (but not all, Jurassic 5 I'm looking at you) hip-hop leaves me cold, and for a math/technical geek I've never been able to immerse myself in classical, even though I've certainly heard very moving pieces.
Food: there's not much I don't love to eat or drink, from the lowest of vernacular dishes to highest cuisine. I did say "sensual", no?
[3-13-12: After reading what other people put here there was one I really liked (and have to add): coffee. And by extension probably beer and bourbon but now we're on the slippery slope of what "never do without" means. But there was another thing I kept noticing that bugged me: people who don't like putting friends or family or (again by extension) companionship in this list "because they're not things". Sigh. That kind of sanctimonious pedantry is probably indicative of a poor match...