29Boston, United States
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My self-summary
Everyone thinks the homeless are useless. I like to hire them. Help the homeless help me. I never take my trash out. The night I have to take my trash out, I sit outside my apartment, chainsmoking. Eventually a homeless smells the cigarette smoke and asks for a cigarette. Can you spare a cigarette? No, I cannot. But, I can spare my trash. I know you like trash, because I’m sure that’s what you were doing before you came to ask me for a cigarette, digging for shit in the trash. Do you see any trash outside my house? No, right, because it’s upstairs. And you’re going to go up there and take my trash out for me. And you get a reward. You get to keep whatever you want of the trash. The downside is they have to go inside my apartment. But I think it’s worth it. So I let them inside my apartment, but I tell them not to touch anything or I’ll fucking taser you. I don’t own a taser, but they don’t know that. And trash, that’s a treasure to them. So they’re always more than happy to collect my trash and bottles, and all that other shit, puke, whatever. I said don’t touch anything except the trash. They probably think I’m being kind by opening doors, but no, I just don’t want them touching anything. I always wait for a thank you. They never thank me but always ask for a cigarette again when they are done. I said no!
What I’m doing with my life
I'm working on a business venture called Build-a-Ho. It's website-based, with an app for the iPhone, of course. Men pick a standard Ho and then add features to her. Like Build-a-Bear, some features are more expensive than others. You want a cheap Ho, she'll look and act cheap. But, if you're willing to pay the extra cash for upgrades, you might even get yourself a Ho that can pass off as a girlfriend. My friends think this might be considered prostitution, but I don't listen to them.
I’m really good at
Not listening, last minute decisions and binge drinking.

The first things people usually notice about me
I don't get girls who list as their requirements that I can't be looking for casual sex. Just because I list casual sex doesn't mean that I won't talk to someone who doesn't want to blow me 10 minutes after meeting me. Listing casual sex does not mean that's all I'm looking for. I'm just being honest. That being said, any guy here or anywhere who isn't looking for casual sex is a liar. Try it, send a straight man who doesn't have casual sex listed a message asking if they want to meet up for lunch and sex and if someone turns that down, I'll give you a dollar. Or a hug, because that probably means you're not very good looking.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like movies with lots of sex, tits, and explosions. Oh, and movies that chicks like to hookup to are cool too.
Six things I could never do without
You know that quote dumb chicks cite on their profiles, something like, if you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best? I hate those girls. Usually she's a bitchy chick trying to overcompensate for her lack of self-esteem and personality by trying to pretend she's a badass. Who said anyone wanted you? You're probably a bitch and get dumped all the time and rationalize it with, he didn't deserve me anyway. I don't think I deserved to get slapped in the face when I called that asian girl the other night a potato sack in front of the whole bar, but apparently she thought I did. But I got over it. Anyway, grow up, lose some weight, stop being a bitch, buy fake tits, whatever, and please stop putting up stupid quotes. I could definitely do without stupid quotes and without the stupid girls that put those up. Six things I could never do without? No, clue.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why is everything so much more fun with no pants on?

Describing someone as "nice" is the worst insult, ever. If all you have to say about a person is that they are nice, you actually mean they are lame, boring, and you couldn't care less about them. Notice no one is every talking about how awesome someone is and then adds, oh and they are nice. Never. It's only when you have no words left to describe how lame and pathetic someone is that you have to resort to, "Well, I mean, but at least he's nice." If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you must be one of these "nice" people. So, go hurt yourself somehow. I'd rather be described as a cocksucker than as a nice person and I don't even like sucking dick.

Global Warming. Polar bears are cute, but my SUV kicks ass.

Lots of people say they would do ANYTHING for a million dollars. They sometimes even add, "I swear! ANYTHING!" Really, anything? By anything, those people always mean anything except things that require hard work, time, effort, a proper education, etc. In other words, they mean that if someone handed them a million dollars they would take the money. No shit.

Who's Pepe Silvia? And, did he ever get his mail?
On a typical Friday night I am
Sometimes, I feel like I'm wasting orange juice when I don't put vodka in it. Sometimes, I feel like I'm wasting orange juice when I use it to chase vodka shots. The first happens in the morning, the other at parties.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'll admit it. When I use a public restroom I don't wash my hands. Why? Because all I touched was my dick and I'm sure the chick I was with last night cleaned that a lot better than the janitor cleaned the bathroom.

When I'm drunk I park in the handicap zone. I don't even feel bad about it because aren't those spots for people who can't walk straight, anyway?
You should message me if
I want a girlfriend with no feet. I know that sounds insensitive, but at least I won't have to take her dancing.
The two of us