45 Seattle, United States
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My self-summary
I build web pages for a living, but could easily adapt to a life of idle luxury. I like to create things, and so have thrown myself into hobbies like photography and writing. I have a wicked sense of humor that seems to have completely deserted me during the writing of this essay. Lately I've been drawing a lot. I took an art class in college that seems to have derailed what otherwise might have been a very successful career of doodling amusing things during important meetings. I wasn't an art major, so instead of nudes to draw we got crumpled paper bags. Really, nobody should have to draw crumpled paper bags. It begins to warp you as a person, so that when you are actually drawing a nude you find that they start looking like a crumpled paper bag. No beautiful woman wants to come out looking like a crumpled paper bag, especially when she's gone to all the trouble to be nude in front of you. So, I've bought some instructional materials and some fun new art supplies and I'm finally feeling like I can draw a face that looks like a nice face again. Today, faces, tomorrow? THE WORLD!

I am ever-shrinking, ever-dreaming, and partially sarcastic
What I’m doing with my life
Making my way, the only way I know how. That's just a little bit more than the law will allow. Ok, that's a silly quote from the Dukes of Hazzard theme song, which would probably have been funnier before the movie came out. I'm doing a heck of a lot of writing lately, perched in local coffee shops with internet access to distract myself at inopportune moments. It's all about work mixed with distractions. Which is what life is like, work mixed with distractions.
I’m really good at
Cooking. Futzing with computers. Taking photographs. Trivia. Writing things other than online essays where I attempt to sell myself to the opposite sex based on some curious mix of humor, bravado, honesty, self-preservation and beer nuts. Those I seem to suck at. I get overly self-conscious or overly jokey and use words like overly too many times in a row. Overly overly overly. Loses all meaning if you use it too much, doesn't it? I'm also really good at counseling pretty much anybody but myself.
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes, two of them even. They're blue and I get compliments on them, much to the envy of other parts of my face, who are resentful and planning a coup. My friends notice that I've lost much weight this past year, and I keep getting smaller. That's right, I'm just making sure there's less of me to love. Addendum: I've actually even been hitting the gym to go running three times a week since September (this was September 2009, just fyi). Running. From what? I know not. You'd think we could harness all that energy to power something, maybe one of those glowing potatoes at least. So, body type, overweight but athletic? Curvy? Full-figured? Big-boned? Beefcake, beefcake! Something in there. Seriously, though, health is very important to me right now and I'm doing great things to improve it and make myself like unto a superhero. Update: I'm down several pounds (45+) or so from some of these pictures. Obviously, the more recent, the more accurate. I also came up with the term for what I am, Fathletic.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Guy Gavriel Kay books, Neil Gaiman stuff, The
Time-Traveler's Wife
, The Great Gatsby, Lord of the
, Ender's Game

Movies: Romantic Comedies, movies with the desert in them
(Lawrence of Arabia, The English Patient, Star Wars), funny
, sexy movies, James Bond, Good Sci-Fi. I can
find a lot to like about a little movie. Sometimes it'll be just a
scene or the soundtrack or something. The ones that really stick
with me are epic in scale or emotion or just plain well

Music: 80s Music, most things but rap and country, Classic
Rock, Modern music that doesn't suck, Led Zeppelin, The
, Elvis Costello, Bjork, 19,000 songs in iTunes
(fear it). Bird and the Bee, Jem, She and Him, A Fine
. (This used to say 44,000 songs, but iTunes would seem to
disagree with that now. I dunno what the heck happened.)

Foods: Salads (but you don't win friends with salad), barbecue,
creme brulee, sushi, chicken, New York strip steak, stinky cheeses,
un-stinky cheese. I love cooking, and somehow everything's
better with bacon on it.
The six things I could never do without
my dvd player, my camera, my laptop, my sense of humor, sleep, and last, but not least, love. Actually, I should amend this. I've done without love for quite some time, and while I find that really annoying, obviously I seem to be functioning without it. I mean, my family loves me and some of my friends do (the good ones who don't borrow money without repaying it or plot the robotic coup against me and such), but I've always felt like I really would like a partner in crime. That sounds cliche, but a good wheel woman is not to be underestimated. Another thing you don't want to underestimate? Taxes. Just saying. It turns out they have other people calculate those as well. People with lawyers and badges and stuff. Addendum: Now, many months later, I re-read this and realize that it sounds like I've been chased for tax money by people with lawyers and badges. That never happened. It was bears. (That's a lie, too. The IRS does not employ bears, at least not that they'll admit. Also, I mostly always pay my taxes on time.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to work and have a social life and find love and not go insane in this high-gas-priced rat race of a world. Other than that, my brain is a giant pop culture sponge. Sponge! I dream interesting stories when I'm not dreaming about flunking out of college (yeah, I graduated years and years ago, apparently my sleeping brain is trapped back in time). Occasionally I even remember enough of them to write down after I wake up. Mostly I create incomprehensible scribbles that never make sense when I've fully woken up. "People with hands of jello. Future of world depends on it." OK, Dreamy McDreamerson, dire sleepy predictions obviously not your forte.
On a typical Friday night I am
Sleeping (sweet, sweet naps), or out with friends. There's also the DVD player, which gets quite the heavy use, and the TiVo which is right up there with oxygen as far as Important Things go. Sometimes I can be found at the cafe, plunking away on the laptop, working on the Great American Novel. Actually, Great American Novel seems like it would be quite a burden. I mean, how do you follow up on that? Slightly Less Than Great American Novel? Merely Adequate American Novel? Also, I'm probably more than a little influenced by many great British writers. Is it purely an American novel just because I am? What if I'm an American writer writing about what it means to be a New Zealander? Wow, I really should get out more. Addendum: I've finished my novel! No, really. People have even told me they enjoyed it. Now, to find an agent.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I collect erotica anthologies. If you want to read a story that makes you tingle inside, I'm your guy. Seriously, big library full of the things. In this trying economy I sort of wish I'd started collecting, I don't know, gas, years ago. I'd have a lovely stockpile of it now. And the thing is, gas? It never goes bad. That's right, I could be driving around successfully on vintage 1989 gas, and nobody would be any wiser. They'd probably applaud my foresight. Or maybe report me to the police cause all that gas in an apartment would be really unsafe. OK, so maybe I'm better off with having collected erotica anthologies.
You should message me if
I sound vaguely interesting to you. If I made you laugh. If you think that I'd make "bitchin'" "arm candy". You know, the usual.