I just got an email from OKC saying they did experiments on us.
How can they do this? I WANT A REFUND...umm, oh yeah, I forgot--never mind. :)
For those of us who might find it difficult communicating with and /or understanding members of the opposite sex, this little guide might help...or not:
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk......................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead........................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
* I am hungry...........................I am hungry
* I am sleepy............................I am sleepy
* I am tired..............................I am tired
* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!
* I love you.......... ..................Let's have sex now
* I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.
* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.
First of all and most important, I would like you to know that, yes, I am a high school graduate--it was the best 7 years of my life. My teachers affectionately called me their “Miracle” student--they said if I ever graduated, it would be a “Miracle.” My teachers didn't know I drank, till one day I came to class sober—but that's another story. As you can tell, I'm a firm believer in getting a good edumacation.
Secondly, I would have to say that out of all of the wonderful, charming, and endearing personality characteristics that I possess, my most wonderful trait is my modesty. Did I mention that I was a high school graduate???
Thirdly, I try to stay positive, look on the bright side of things, and I often tend to find humor in many every day situations—including these dating sites.
Fourthly, if I had even a tiny bit of artistic ability (see, I said I was modest), I would have loved to become a political/social cartoonist/satirist—there is so much material out there to work with.
After my successful completion of high school, I spent most of my early adult life working and going to school--usually both at the same time. It didn't leave much time for socializing, but I'm not complaining--it was my choice. As the years went by, I became the primary caregiver for my parents. Some people talk a good game about having family values and the importance of family, but their actions sometimes seem to contradict their words. As for me, I try to practice what I preach.
Everybody else I know drinks and I have nothing against it, but I quit drinking years ago for several reasons: the thrill was gone once I turned 21 and I had so many other things going on in my life between work and school that I didn't have the time. If you choose to occasionally partake of the grape, that's fine by me. As a matter of fact, the more you drink, the better I look--so if you're drinkin'--I'm buyin'.
I enjoy classic cars, classic movies, and classic architecture. My favorite movie of all time is Casablanca. I watch it whenever it comes on and I never get tired of seeing it. I also enjoy big-band swing dancing, the performing arts, and I prefer going to a live theater performance instead of going to a movie--unless it's an Indiana Jones movie.
I updated the list of languages that I do not speak to include Ancient Greek, Farsi, Mongolian, and Sanskrit. I wanted to include Aramaic but it was not on the list. The only Greek I know is "Cheeburger, cheeburger, cheeburger, chips. Coke, no Pepsi."
So, if you're interested, write a few words: don't just do a wink, a snort, or a grunt becaue I don't know what those mean and I have no way of knowing if you just sneezed and accidentally came upon my profile.
1) When these underage girls (15, 16, 17) go on the Maury show to find their baby daddy, why is it that the guys on the show are not in prison? I thought it was statutory rape or child abuse or something like that to have sex with an underage person.
2) Who pays the hospital bills for all these girls having babies? The taxpayers? These girls don't look like they have jobs with hospitalization and since the girls don't know who their baby daddy is, how can the medical bill be paid by the baby daddy's insurance...if he has any...which he probably doesn't?
3) Do these guys who have 3, 4, 5, or more kids with several different women pay child support? These guys don't seem to have jobs where they can support multiple kids.
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so
off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...the guy I loaned my
costume to sure had a real good time!"
JOKE OF THE DAY
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
JOKE OF A DIFFERENT DAY
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
Why is "Smoky Bear" no longer called "Smoky the Bear?"
Something I don't understand about the bible is how can there be different "versions?" Shouldn't there be only one "version?" If there are different versions, then which "version" is the correct one?
Not only that, since there are different bible versions, can anybody just make up their own version? If not, why not?
Whenever the price of oil goes up, the increase shows up at the gas pump on the same day, BUT when the price of oil goes down, it always takes a few weeks for the "cheaper" gas to work its way through the pipeline.
When they say no two snowflakes are the same, how do they know?
This famous quote: "The biggest problem with the internet is that you can never be sure what is true and what is untrue."
Why the Kardashians are so famous?
Who stole the kishka?
Those two "hikers" who were recently released by Iran--what in the hell were they doing there in the first place? Did they sit down beforehand and intentionally decide to "hike" in one of the most dangerous spots in the world? If so, I hope they don't reproduce. Sad to say, I think one of them actually has a girlfriend.
Since there's a BET channel why isn't there a WET channel?
There's one woman on okc who wrote that she was willing to trade yard work for sex. It sounded like a fair enough deal to me so I quickly sent her a reply saying that she could start in my yard the next day. I never heard from her--why is that? I also asked her if she expected me to work in her yard of if she wanted to work in my yard. No answer to that one either. I thought that was a very fair question that needed further clarification since it could have been interpreted several different ways. I wasn't going to make her try to finish my yard in one day--I have a big yard--I wanted her to take her time and do things right. If it took her a couple of days or a couple of weeks or even all summer that would have been fine by me too. I still would have paid her at the end of each day. I fully intended on keeping my end of the bargain. She could have done a little yard work each day and I would have been happy. I try to be reasonable but some people just don't appreciate it I guess.
Why the most imaginative and flirty pics/profiles seem to come from "bi" women? What is it about bi women that seems to make them so much more playful and creative than straight women?
Why so many attractive and intelligent women on this site are divorced. What the hell is going on?
The importance of punctuation. For example, there is a big difference between these two sentences. 1) I'm not getting any better, come home soon. 2) I'm not getting any, better come home soon.
Why some women write in their profiles that they will not date smokers (which is fine) but they do not exclude axe murderers. This indicates to me that they would rather date an axe murderer than a smoker so an axe murderer must rate higher on their dating scale than does a smoker. Times sure have changed.
Why some women who say they are bisexual are only looking for other women? Wouldn't that mean that they are lesbian and not bisexual? Not that there's anything wrong with that. :)
Why people put American flag stickers on their foreign cars? What is that supposed to symbolize? Shouldn't they be showing Japanese, Korean, or German flags on their cars? The hypocrisy strikes me as being astounding. Can all these people be politicians since hypocrisy comes naturally to politicians?
A bisexual woman on okc recently changed her status to "married." I thought about sending her a congratulatory message asking "Who's the lucky girl?"
Why is it that the people who you really seem to connect with are located a million miles away?
Why do women post pics of themselves with their "hot" daughters? Unless a woman is as "hot" or "hotter" than her daughter (which sometimes happens), that's probably not a good idea. What they should do is post pics of themselves with their grandmother.
Why do women post pics of themselves taken back in the 1960's? This means what?
You' think you can tolerate my sense of humor.
Your face does not set off metal detectors when you go through airport security.