WHO I AM:
A curious, good-natured, kind (and somewhat misanthropic)free-spirit :) I'd say I'm young at heart, with an old soul. Sensitive and socially-conscious yet playfully irreverent and politically incorrect. Gregarious and compassionate yet very conscious of who I spend time with (i.e. I value people with depth and sensitivity, who think outside the box, who have a variety of interests, who have an open and wild sense of humour.. I like to avoid materialistic/pretentious/narrow-minded/dour folks). I like to talk yet I'm also a really great listener. Most people would say I'm a pretty positive, easy person to be around - friendly, funny, grounded, low-maintenance, open, adventurous, well-rounded. I have a goofy/dark/weird sense of humour; I'm happiest when sharing it with someone similarly inclined, who's not easily judgmental. It comes very natural for me to shift from silly to serious - and back again, and mixed together. I daydream and feel a lot... and also have a strong analytical side (I think a lot about my own mind, people and the world around me, social issues, politics, etc). I get along well with people who have a nice balance of head and heart (not looking for uncurious minds, nor a flippant, smart-ass with little emotional intelligence).
I tend to be quite affected by the energy and environment around me, so I like to spend as much time as possible amongst fulfilling company and in beautiful/inspiring places (i.e. especially parks and wilderness, also concerts and arts festivals, independent bookstores/cafes, farmers markets, etc).
TOUCH and sex are vital to me, as is physical exercise like biking or swimming.
I know this is the West Coast, but I don't live every moment blissed out in continuous gratitude towards everything in the universe. Sometimes I/things just suck - and I appreciate people who can appreciate that, and roll with the randomness. :-) I struggle with my weak points and insecurities like we all do, and try to be open and honest about them (i.e. difficulty with discipline, getting overwhelmed by choice/fear of missing out, judging others and myself). I strive for self-awareness, but also try not to take myself - and life - too seriously!
WHERE I'M AT:
From Nova Scotia originally, but Vancouver has been my homebase for most of the past 12 years.
These days I'm working full time in social services (meaningful and often rewarding, but can also be draining), spending time with my diverse group of friends, getting out of the city when possible, and trying to find ways to give more attention to my creative passions: photography and comedy. I am generally quite ok with being single/independent (in other words, not looking to rush into something just to not be alone). *While I keep fairly busy, there's definitely room for an intimate relationship when the chemistry is mutually-felt*. I'm into enjoying what is - sometimes it's just fun, sometimes it's more deep :-)
Note: I'm not inclined towards polyamory (multiple serious relationships at the same time), but I am open to a serious relationship with a degree of sexual liberty, negotiated over time in a way that feels OK for all. If your only goal is for a relationship-with-strict-sexual-monogamy-for-30-years-til-death-do-us-part... you could be missing out on a great relationship with me! (Lol)
WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT:
Before I go any further (cuz I've hardly said anything), a question: Does anybody else find pouring through all these profiles a bit intimidating, like "where do I fit in"? So many *smart, hip, educated, good-looking, in-shape, go-getter gay/bi men*, brimming with confidence, wit, and masculinity and living big lives in trendy cities like New York and San Francisco and London and Vancouver... We're all here gushing about our cool cultural interests and edgy hobbies, showing off the depths of our intellectual, spiritual, social and physical attributes, and displaying hot pics of ourselves doing amazing things. I get it, it makes sense - we've all got to promote our best selves in these profiles, myself included - but the ego-puffing can become a bit of an ego-rattling 'look at all these superhuman men' BLUR. It's certainly weird to think someone may look at my profile and feel intimidated by it. Extending from that thought, even if we're 20% "enemies" according to OkCupid, feel free to message me and get to know me... you just never know...
THINGS I LIKE:
Telling and listening to interesting stories that show the best/worst/funniest sides of human nature, exploring city streets and parks on my feet (or bicycle) and with a camera, watching/performing sketch comedy, climbing every mountain/fording every stream, dressing up in funny costumes, group games, dancing, hiking, camping, folk music festivals, singing folk tunes and cheesy easy-listening songs on roadtrips or around a campfire, discussing politics/current affairs/sociology/psychology, trees, bitching and moaning, inspiring examples of community-building/activism/cooperative solutions, farmers' markets, pretending to be drunk, thinking about thinking, mixed company, friendly gay-friendly bars, Michael Jackson, Paul Simon, toffee and caramel flavoured sweets, channeling frustration with idiots and assholes of the world into humour, etc.
Overall, I'm most inspired and energized by...
(1) quality FRIENDSHIPS - through which I especially enjoy sharing the following...
(2) shameless HUMOUR (i.e. absurd, dry, irreverent, twisted, satirical, sarcastic, silly, potty-style, puns/wordplay - I enjoy many kinds)
(3) the beauty of NATURE (basking in it, hiking in it, taking photos of it, speaking up to protect it, traveling around the world to see different examples of it, etc)... also the beauty of COLOUR and ARCHITECTURE and ART and the human body
(4) the sound of MUSIC (especially pop and folk/singer-songwriter stuff... also soul/motown, jazz/standards, classical, country, etc.)
(5) explorations of POLITICS, PSYCHOLOGY, SOCIAL ISSUES and ART - through conversation, studying and community involvement. *not* into pretentious, dogmatic, overly-politically-correct academic jargon in said explorations when down-to-earth speak can be used.
Of course, ultimately, I know that finding a great partner is not really about me endlessly describing myself... or you and I scoring a perfect OKCupid 'match'... or us having witty, back-and-forth online banter... It's about the RAPPORT we establish together in PERSON. We'll probably know pretty early on after meeting each other what that is. If there's a mutual interest, I'm into meeting up as soon as possible rather than too much back'n'forth on here.
Having high-quality human connections - to share affection, laughs, stories, inspirations, and frustrations with - is key to my life, and why I'm here on this site! My friendships have made me feel like a rich man, and I value them incredibly. With my closest friends, creating that space where we can fully feel AT EASE to be our imperfect, multifaceted, silly/critical/emotional selves is the best feeling in the world. Don't we all need/want that?
**There is room for more though - a SWEET, SMART, SEXY, SILLY, SOCIALLY-CONSCIOUS man to share some long miles on this crazy road of life with.**
Since 'coming out' in my teenager years, I've enjoyed my share of casual encounters, short-term dating, and long-distance liaisons; these experiences have offered/offer varying degrees of physical release, fun, self-exploration, and hope/cynicism. No regrets. At the same time, throughout all of this, I've remained open and excited (and yes, sometimes discouraged) about the possibility of finding a deeper, more sustained connection with a special kindred spirit/lover. **On my good days, I feel 100% ready to love/be loved.** I'm just not for everyone, and not everyone's for me - and that's ok (admittedly, there've been self-doubting moments over the years where I have to remind myself of this).
Relationships take some work, but I don't believe in forcing connections or making constant effort with a date just to get on the same page (I'd rather be single). I'm one to invest in a relationship when there's a strong, natural, clear chemistry to base it on. Easy! :-)
MONOGAMY vs OPEN RELATIONSHIPS
-If I meet a special guy i'm really crazy about, and the feeling is mutual, I'm into focusing my time, energy and love on that one guy. I'd really like to foster the kind of special companion connection that commitment can forge, and move away from splintering my attention into multiple fragments... but at the same time, I like to give a heads up that I couldn't do multiple-year long-term without negotiating some form of open sexual boundaries at some point. We all have our relationship-style preferences; I don't judge what works for other people. I just know I get a lot of joy from variety, and my definition of love and commitment to a person is not equated with permanent sexual exclusivity. Trust, open communication, and encouragement of each other's pleasure/explorations are more important to me than strict, black-or-white sexual monogamy. I'm not deluded into thinking it's easy, but to me personally it seems the healthier option.
WHAT KIND OF PARTNER/CONNECTION AM I LOOKING FOR? Would love to date a guy who's steady and mature but fun, who's able to bounce between light-hearted and serious with ease. Someone who loves showing physical affection. Someone who can express himself honestly and effectively, and who's a good listener. Someone who's comfortable being imperfect, as I am. Ok, maybe pretty basic stuff here... Moving to more specifics: I want a man who's politically PROGRESSIVE, yet totally game for POLITICALLY INCORRECT ideas, language and humour. I'm looking for someone GOOD-NATURED, who's also into enjoying NATURE'S GOODNESS (as stated above, I'm a romantic for beautiful, wild spaces). Ideally, you'd be willing to join me on a karaoke stage in wigs and ridiculous props (or at least get a kick out of me doing so) and find lots of ways to share shameless, gut-shaking FUN. We will try to LIGHTEN UP all the mundane times (or at least enjoy each other's quiet, comforting presence), bond over (balk at/embrace) the WEIRDNESS of the world, encourage each other to do GOOD for ourselves and society, and CUDDLE up in whatever corners we find. You can slap my ass if you want to, and I may massage your neck and back. We will rely on and help anchor each other, without smothering our independence, and without illusions that relationships don't take work and patience and occasional bruised egos. Sometimes we'll be tired and cranky and not at our best with each other. Fuck it, that's part of life - we'll keep things in perspective.
Physically, sure I have my turn-ons: it would be swell if you're somewhat similar body type to me (I'm relatively short and compact) or stockier. Dark features are nice - especially dark hair and dark, soulful eyes... but there are guys of all types that I can be attracted to. And no one's looks make up for being a cocky, shallow, status-driven, emotionally-immature douchebag.
Bottom line: we've got to want to stare at each other's faces (and kiss) a lot :-) By that I mean that being attracted to a guy's look AND the look in his eyes is what's gonna keep me interested. If there's hot looks but not the right personality connection, it may be a great fuckbuddy situation but nothing more; if it's a great personal connection but the physical attraction is lacking, it's more 'friendship' territory.
If being around you makes me feel 80% of what I feel when listening to sentimental songs like "Up Where We Belong" (Jennifer Warnes & Joe Cocker), "Danny's Song" (Loggins & Messina), "The Way You Look Tonight" (Frank Sinatra), "A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square" (Nat King Cole), "Do You Love Me" (Guster), "Someone Like You" (Emmylou Harris) or "First Day Of My Life" (Bright Eyes), I'll probably be pretty happy. :-)
Maybe one of those songs means something to you?
P.S. I should explain my name, 'pinusphile'... I do enjoy penises (peni?), and no I'm not a bad speller. :-) I chose my name because I love trees, but "dendrophile" (tree-lover) was taken. "Pinusphile" (pine-lover) was a good second choice, as pine trees (especially windswept white pines) are one of my favourite trees. Golly gee, there's just something really sweet, magical, hopeful, proud - and yes, a bit twisted - about them. The kind of qualities I like in my men.
-giving massage - and receiving :-)
-writing (but, as is evident here, often not good at being concise)
-listening/supporting/counselling, asking good questions, connecting with people
-talking.... ability to shift from being playful (if you appreciate goofiness, wordplay, impersonations, and quirky, dark, dry humour) to being serious and contemplative
-allowing/encouraging people to be their crazy, uninhibited true selves
-drawing (when I sit down and do it, which is rarely)
-reading maps, geography
-perceiving people, seeing psychology/social psychology in action (including in myself)
-being organized (in cases where it's important to me!)
-thoughtful debate (i.e. discussing the importance of voting and being engaged in the political system)
-getting distracted, and running late
-kissing and cuddling
Maybe that i'm a decent communicator (articulate speaker/inquisitive and compassionate listener)? (but yes, when given the chance to write without limits, I'm verbose!)
Physically, people seem to notice my blue eyes, mischievous yet good-natured smile, salt-and-pepper hair and bubble butt :-)
MOVIES: I tend to like non-formulaic human dramas and movies that have a dark/irreverent/quirky humour (especially independent/foreign)... as well as some cheery classics:
Pink Flamingos, Harold & Maude, Happiness, The Lives of Others, Machuca, Pan's Labyrinth, Central Station, The Decline of The American Empire, The Barbarian Invasions, I Killed My Mother, Religilous, Election, Jeffrey, Muriel's Wedding, Pecker, 20 Centimetros, The Blossoming of Maximo Oliveros, Wet Hot American Summer, Shirley Valentine, Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Lovely and Amazing, Best In Show, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Bruno, Borat, The Dark Crystal, The Lord Of The Rings, The Graduate, The Sound of Music, Anne of Green Gables, Annie, Wizard of Oz.
BOOKS: "The Hobbit","The Lord Of The Rings","The Silmarillion" - J.R.R. Tolkien and the worlds/stories he created in Middle Earth have been a deep delight and inspiration since childhood... also C.S. Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia" and other fantasy classics like "The Neverending Story". I read mostly fantasy in my youth, which I very rarely do now (except for rereading the above).
As a teenager, the angst of stories like "Catcher In The Rye" and "The Outsider" really spoke to me.
As an adult (with more social distractions, and a shorter attention span?), I think about reading novels way more than I actually do. Nick Hornby and Margaret Atwood are a couple of contemporary authors who I have enjoyed... but ultimately I've gotten more seduced by non-fiction books (i.e. Alan Weisman's "World Without Us", Dan Gardner's "Risk/Fear", Malcolm Gladwell kind of stuff) and magazines (i.e. UTNE reader, Canada's Walrus magazine, PASTE, Canadian Geographic, etc). It's definitely a goal of mine to read more literature (classic and new) as time marches on - if I can just wind down my social and internet-related distractions! The depth that comes with really getting into a narrative, and bonding with the characters, is a beautiful thing.
TV (past and present): The Golden Girls, Roseanne, Six Feet Under, Modern Family, Thirty Rock, The Office, Little Britain, Catherine Tate, Absolutely Fabulous, Strangers With Candy, Summer Heights High, The Kids In The Hall, Codco (from Newfoundland!), MADtv, The Passionate Eye (on CBC), news, documentaries, outdoor/nature shows, etc
FOOD: Thai and Indian are probably my faves (the richness, the flavour, the melt-in-your-mouth mushiness!). I also salivate for Vietnamese, Italian pasta dishes, and some Middle-Eastern foods. I love that spongy Ethiopian bread (injira?) - the one you eat curried meats and chick peas on. I have weakness for potatoes in any form (hey, i'm half Irish heritage). Dessert is the ultimate though (i.e. pumpkin cheesecake, cupcakes, creamy squares, ice cream, fresh chocolate chip cookies)
(yah, there's seven here - I could never do without always squeezing one more thing in)
...Rude people, robotic people, and frustrating bureaucracy...
...Politically-correct people on the Left and fundamentalists on the Right...
...Wandering in beautiful, green landscapes, or romping around naked on a beach...
...Making the 'perfect' decision (i.e. about career, where to live)...
...Getting off my ass and believing in myself enough to review my thousands of photos and print a few, submit them in contests, put together a portfolio, etc...
...How I also owe it to myself to devote more of my time to writing lyrics, comedy, auditioning for acting roles, illustrating, doing more art in general - because life is short, and I should put this shit out there...
...How much I appreciate well-rounded, open-minded, fun-loving, unpretentious, sincere people who are not consumed with hipness and anxiety about what 'scenesters' will think of them...
...How well-read, tattooed, cigarette-smoking, bearded hipster fags can be just as self-aborbed and superficial as the mainstream gay bar-stars they see themselves as superior to...
...The blindness of dogma and machismo, reducing ...
...How rigid, reactionary political correctness blindly ignores nuances, intention and humour, and can actually divide us and suffocate an open, honest discussion that allows us all to grow. FOR EXAMPLE (hopefully this makes sense): Say a straight man exclaimed "That fag is an asshole!" after getting bad service from a gay customer service attendant. To me the fact that someone may have been an asshole to him is as much a problem as the fact that he used a slur. Being part of a 'systemically oppressed group' (gay, of colour, etc.) doesn't give someone permission to get away with rude, nasty interpersonal behaviour. I find language often gets disproportionately more scrutiny than actions these days.
...How weird it is that I never ever heard Khia's "My Neck, My Back" until I was on a roadtrip across Ireland in 2008 - go figure!...
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?
-You're not an immature, binge-drinking, irony-addicted, too-cool-to-care, self-absorbed scenester/hipster man-child. In other words, you're grounded, reliable, and have your shit together. You give back to the world, it's not just about you.
-You know when to set aside your contemporary wit and sarcasm, to wear your HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE and express SINCERITY, TENDERNESS, KINDNESS and CONSIDERATION. You've got to CARE to get to know someone else.
-Your confidence and strong opinions are balanced with HUMILITY, SELF-AWARENESS and healthy SELF-DEPRECATION :-) You're not afraid of exposing the anxiety-ridden existential questions that we all grapple with inside - to talk about them, challenge them, laugh about them, connect with others about them... I'm willing to go there with you!
-You're conscious about treating people in general well, about social justice and the state of the world - even if you sometimes think that most people suck (not that I'm ever misanthropic, oh no... mwahaha)
-You and I share some similar interests: do you also enjoy hiking and relaxing in nature, dark/absurd humour, pop/folk/singer-songwriter music, progressive politics, social-psychology topics?
-You think I'd be someone you'd like to CUDDLE and MAKE OUT with :-)
[you probably shouldn't message me if you are conservative, wealth- and status-driven, take everything very seriously]