31Dallas, United States
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My self-summary
edit: So I have to address this first, in response to how every other profile I see is asking for a guy who's a feminist. No, I'm not a feminist, I'm a guy. I am going to bypass your automatic response of "But guys can be feminists too, blah blah cry blah." Any guy who says he is a feminist is probably a liar, and also a Benedict Arnold-for-pussy. So sorry, I'm not one, but if that's what you want, you can just go message one of the guys that is pretending to be one so that he can trick you into talking to him. There should be no shortage.

Women keep saying that they want a good sense of humor, unfortunately mine has several warrants and trips old people who go walk in the mall before the stores open.

So I've noticed a couple things recently. I'll never be happy with anyone that couldn't be described as "awesome," "exceptional," or "Megan Fox." Wait, how many things was that? Anyway, I am better at watching Netflix than you, even if you listed it under the things you are good at.

I am one or more of the following: intelligent, funny, good-looking, batman, always right(you'lll see it and it'll annoy you), a horrible swimmer, other stuff probably, and most of all modest. Perhaps even the MOST modest. I also refuse to prove any of these things. Ever.
What I’m doing with my life
Destroying it with a cocktail of liquor, hard drugs, and whale poaching.
I’m really good at
Playing tennis, shuffling cards, being mean to kittens. Thinking up plausible excuses as to why I didn't text you back involving my job/dogs/strippers/etc.
The first things people usually notice about me
You'd really probably have to tell me. Really, tell me, I'll make a pie chart.

(Disclaimer: I will not actually make a pie chart).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Harry Potter, Name of the Wind, and A Song of Ice and Fire are my favorites. Most of the time when I pick up a new book I'm just disappointed and I'll leave it at that. I enjoy shows, music, and food too, they're ok.


"This opera is as lousy as it is brilliant!" - Robot Devil
Six things I could never do without
Probably other things. Also , I could do without all of the previous things, especially the first one.
Kung Fu movies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If energy cannot be created or destroyed....well I'm made of energy. So when I die I guess I DO become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass in the Great Circle of Life. In conclusion, antelopes are now my archenemies and are just waiting for me to die so they can eat me.

Masculism. (Apparently I didn't make that word up, I thought I had for the few seconds that preceded my first Google search on it)

I wonder if it makes me narcissistic that my profile on a dating website was written for my own amusement rather than constructed in a way to actually attract people?
On a typical Friday night I am
In jail, or as I like to call it, at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I refuse to admit the most private thing that I'm willing to admit.
You should message me if
I guess you could try, but you may not like me. Or I may not like you. But most likely both. If you can't watch Archer without laughing you should try talking to me though.

tl;dr A bunch of lies followed by nothing important.
The two of us