This message brought to you by the U.S. Postal Service.
Using my profile as a creative writing exercise every couple weeks and then neglecting it like that guitar you were absolutely going to learn to play this year.
This message brought to you quite a while ago at this point, most likely.
Starting more creative projects than I could possibly finish without quitting my job, then lamenting the lack of time I have for creative projects because I'm too busy working to fund all these creative projects. I am actually probably the best at this, but I'm awaiting certification of my record from the commission.
Also, a couple weekends ago I won a game of Sardines, which is apparently like a reverse hide-and-seek where 14 other people try to find you. But they actually never did, so I'm adding "hide-and-seek" to this section. With my phone. From that hiding spot. Still.
Please find me. I'm so hungry.
If our world was two-dimensional, would every tax be a flat tax?
Puns and how they are the pinnacle of language.
Sometimes, when nobody is around, I talk to myself in a British accent. I am not from England.
I want to meet my future girlfriend while volunteering in a soup kitchen. Then, when people ask how we met, I can say, "We found love in a homeless place."
I once looked up how to make a quesadilla on the internet because I figured it had to be more complicated than "put cheese inside tortilla, apply fire." It wasn't.