36Palmdale, United States
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My self-summary
I'm more of an amateur crastinator, really.
What I’m doing with my life
I work for the government. We sent some guys on a pretty long trip back in the late sixties and apparently it's still kind of a big deal. If we both play our cards right one day I might be able to send you a "Wish You Were Here" postcard. From space.
This message brought to you by the U.S. Postal Service.

Using my profile as a creative writing exercise every couple weeks and then neglecting it like that guitar you were absolutely going to learn to play this year.
This message brought to you quite a while ago at this point, most likely.
I’m really good at
Making you laugh. Which is perfect, because statistically you have written on your profile that you love to laugh. I can make that happen, and often.

Starting more creative projects than I could possibly finish without quitting my job, then lamenting the lack of time I have for creative projects because I'm too busy working to fund all these creative projects. I am actually probably the best at this, but I'm awaiting certification of my record from the commission.

Also, a couple weekends ago I won a game of Sardines, which is apparently like a reverse hide-and-seek where 14 other people try to find you. But they actually never did, so I'm adding "hide-and-seek" to this section. With my phone. From that hiding spot. Still.

Please find me. I'm so hungry.
The first things people usually notice about me
Despite my best efforts, attempting to answer this question by posing it to random strangers on the street has yielded very little usable data. On the upside, I now know most of the local constabulary by name. I'll keep you abreast of my future findings.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The other night I made "wub wub wub wub wub wub" noises at my friend's dog. She barked at me and tried to gnaw on my face, so I think I have empirically proven that German Shepherds do not appreciate dubstep.
Six things I could never do without
Green Mullets
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why do they make my dish soap smell like bubblegum and taste like dish soap, then act like it's MY fault when I have trust issues?

If our world was two-dimensional, would every tax be a flat tax?

Puns and how they are the pinnacle of language.
On a typical Friday night I am
Drunk with power. Power is kind of a lightweight, though, so I usually have to drag it back home at the end of the night after it makes a series of poor decisions.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm not sure I'll ever actually be over getting told to throw my hands up in the air. I also have no idea if this joke is even still relevant in our constantly-shifting pop culture landscape. I'm not gonna remove it, but look at how self-aware I am!

Sometimes, when nobody is around, I talk to myself in a British accent. I am not from England.

I want to meet my future girlfriend while volunteering in a soup kitchen. Then, when people ask how we met, I can say, "We found love in a homeless place."

I once looked up how to make a quesadilla on the internet because I figured it had to be more complicated than "put cheese inside tortilla, apply fire." It wasn't.
You should message me if
You're a velociraptor. I have a thing for clever girls.
The two of us