31New Orleans, United States
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My self-summary
Je suis Marxiste, tendance Groucho. Erudite ratcatcher. Hatchet man for the New World Order. I will teach your dog physics.

People keep telling me I'm a manic pixie dream boy but I'm not sure that's an actual thing.
What I’m doing with my life
This is an attempt to collect debt.

Yesterday a bunch of drunk hipsters decided to give me their business cards in the street. One said "tenor," one said "proofreader" and one didn't list any profession at all.

I came in last place on a nationally syndicated quiz show.

I spend too much in used bookstores.

I've sung karaoke: in suburban backyards, at a Caribbean prison, with a professional dominatrix, on multiple first dates

I walk around Soho with a cat on my head. I drive around north Brooklyn singing in my Subaru. I stand in front of crowded subway doors with a giant backpack. I only feel truly comfortable in my Elmo suit.

I get really energetic and happy late at night. Sometimes people assume that means I have cocaine, but I've never tried it, since it makes other people annoying and I don't want to be That Guy.

I've never cooked an eggplant or a zucchini. I can never decide whether to leave the seeds in the cucumber. None of that is a double entendre; I was just thinking about dinner.
I’m really good at
soothing savage beasts.
The first things people usually notice about me
People keep telling me which Dylan albums my hair resembles.

I have difficulty sitting still. Also I probably smile too much and it puts the wrong people at ease.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I want to host a business seminar in an airport hotel, quote extensively from The Little Prince and tell everyone it's Machiavelli.
Six things I could never do without
Air, water, skin, tacos, first world angst, used bookstores
I spend a lot of time thinking about
- tacos
- education reform
- what might have been
- police tactics
- what to do with my life
- what to do with my night
- puppies
On a typical Friday night I am
Let's hang out together, or we will surely hang out separately - B. Franklin (adapted)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
When I die,I want my loved ones to scatter my ashes on their bosses' desks, as they quit their jobs to pursue their secret dreams.
You should message me if
you can readily name your favorite Leonard Cohen covers
you're here to play mind games
you saw me on Tinder and accidentally swiped left
you put your man first, the Lord second, yourself third
The two of us