28Manhattan, United States
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My self-summary
I'd estimate only about 25% of the things I say would be acceptable in polite conversation. And there's very little middle-ground to my humor; you'll either get jokes about Faulkner and Sartre or Beavis and Butthead.

Additionally, I think there should be litmus tests for accessing the internet and for having children—if you've made it this far, you should be very proud of yourself.
What I’m doing with my life
I teach SAT Verbal and Writing to rich kids with high-strung parents. I write term papers for college kids. I write fiction and non-fiction. I make music—like, a lot of music.
I’m really good at
I can turn a phrase, spin a yarn, and write a song.

I'm also really good at Jeopardy—like, crazy good. Play me sometime.
The first things people usually notice about me
If I'm wearing a t-shirt, people tend to notice my tattoos. I'm also really skinny, so I suppose people might notice that about me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: anything by McCarthy or Faulkner. I tried reading Twilight once and couldn't make it past the second paragraph.

Movies: Animal House, The Blues Brothers, Beavis & Butthead Do America, Office Space, Independence Day, Predator, Terminator 2, Mallrats. I'm also secretly terrified I'm doomed to live out John Cusack's role in High Fidelity.

Musically speaking, I'm into a pretty wide variety of genres. I used to play a lot of classical and jazz, so I'm with it if you can talk Coltrane or Stravinsky. I also used to be a little scenester in high school, so I can play literally every Brand New song on acoustic guitar—which, incidentally, was sort of my post-party-dorm-room M.O. in college. These days, I tend to gravitate towards indie-pop, singer-songwriter, and Americana-tinged stuff.
Six things I could never do without
Friends, instruments, Camel Filters, *~mah cell fone~*, and gallows humor.

Oh, and meth. I can't go without meth.

That's six things, right? I can't count very well.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I deliberately try not to think too much cause at this point, I'm probably due for an aneurysm.
On a typical Friday night I am

I mean, probably having a drink with friends—maybe getting into a bit of trouble.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I can't roll joints or blunts—it's my one great shame.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm a walking, talking cliché.

I have, on more than one occasion, called JG Wentworth, because I get long term payments and I need cash now.
You should message me if
-You're passionate about something—anything.
-You can handle your liquor.
-You're adventurous.
-You're articulate.
-You're vulgar.
-You can make jokes about the following things: apartheid, the holocaust, abortion, physically/mentally handicapped people, China's "One Child" policy, AIDS, Joseph Kony/child warfare, etc.
-You don't take yourself too seriously.
-You take yourself super seriously.
The two of us