So this is what I'm not good at.
I can't fix things and I electrocute myself when I change a light bulb. I can't put things together; my IKEA cabinet looks like Homer Simpson built it and I have to watch TV with my head tilted to the side. I'm not rich but not poor enough so that you can claim our date as charity work. All my best lines I've stolen from other people and pretend they're my own.
I'm terrible with directions and always get lost. I'm early everywhere I go, so early that by the time you turn up I've had enough and want to leave. I did once steal a lolly from a child, but to be fair the kid was being a little shit and deserved it.
The other day I was walking to the shop to buy a redskin and I tripped on a banana peel, I thought that only happened in cartoons. I went home and still haven't eaten my redskin.