35 Takoma Park, United States
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My self-summary
I'm looking to get off this site, and I hope you are too.

I'm mostly looking for someone who is seriously interested in a relationship that will develop into a long term relationship and eventually, possibly, marriage. I am simultaneously not comprising on any of my needs in a partner - intelligence, communication, attraction, and simultaneously being romantic and wistful, yet honest about desires and needs. I am a giving person and expect the same from a partner. Principally opposed to serial monogamy more than anything else - ask if you wish.

This is my goal, not your gauntlet. I don't mind spending time with people and seeing where it goes, but I would appreciate if, at the least, you are not afraid of the things I have as goals.

At this point, if you think I'm cute, don't read anymore, just assume I'm nice and send a hello. The rest is so you have something to talk about, if you like doing that kind of thing.

That said, you might find things worth knowing if you look ahead. This is long and it rambles a bit, but it's because I want to start on the right foot and I am hoping for dates that have the potential to lead to a real connection.

Skip to the end if you wish and come back - the section regarding who should message me better reflects what I value, not what I am on the surface, and may be more important. This profile need not be linear and certainly wasn't created that way.

Random facts (scatter plot):

I moved to the metro area from Florida in early 2014 to Arlington in October and to the Takoma area in June 2015. If you know the best hole in the wall restaurants please be my friend.

I take a lighthearted view of this process, but not of relationships, when they occur.

I am pretty busy at the moment. It may take time to answer a message even if you seem rather interesting. I sometimes will look at a message and a profile a day or so before I write. I would actually like to get to know you somewhat before the first date as well, because as much as you don't know if there is chemistry until you first meet, I also like to have some knowledge if there is a potential for chemistry prior. It's a fine balance, but I respect your time and hope you respect mine.

I make an effort to never be boring, but I have grown enough to usually know the difference between excitement and agitation.

I am a liberal who believes that conservatives have a few good ideas, and that most political positions are better in theory than in practice. That said, I probably don't hold every political position you hold even if you could describe yourself in the same way, and I think it is important that you don't run political litmus tests on people. I don't enjoy first dates that turn into a discussion of gun rights or the patriarchy - because these don't tend to be discussions, but lectures, or worse, sermons. Relationships that are the same are even worse. I want someone who understands that reasonable people can differ.

I'm an Atheist/Agnostic, but some of the people I respect most have deep fundamental divine beliefs, and I respect both religion and spirituality when it bears good fruit. I read Ecclesiastes, it's good stuff. I also have begun attending a Unitarian service somewhat regularly, but the reverand I like is on sabbatical. Want me to go to your church? I will.

People that think homosexuality is a sin likely won't get along well with me, as I don't want your bigoted opinions expressed around my friends.

Speaking of religion, I don't care much about sports, except for college football, mma, and every four years or so, soccer. Neither of my parents cared about sports, but I was born in the South, and I'm a third generation Florida State alumni (for undergraduate), so something still got through.

I have a daughter in third grade, and I have her for the summers - until school started it was month on, month off. Nothing in my life has made me as happy as she has made me. She is a better child than I deserve. She likes watching documentaries about parasites, snakes, and the human intestine. She is a fan of Dr. Who, much more than myself. We go on bike rides, and bug hunting, and I do my pleasure reading while she makes friends at the park. She keeps trying to get the hang of the monkey bars, the bicycle, and I'm trying to get her to be less cautious and gain momentum. It's one of the most important things she can learn, I think, to reach out, to move forward, when you know you might not make it, because falling doesn't hurt that much.

I look forward to the day I can delete this account because I've fallen madly in love with someone. Even more so, I look forward to a relationship that has so much love, understanding and respect that we want to be together for the rest of our lives. I'm not rushing into it, but I'm looking forward to it.
What I’m doing with my life
Either drifting like Benjamin Braddock in The Graduate
moving even as I sleep, à la a shark.

I can't quite tell from my perspective.

I set goals, often I achieve them - I seem to be moving forward, but I'm not quite sure where forward is leading.

(Because a question asking what I'm doing with my life does not mean what am I doing with my life, but means what is my job - particularly in D.C. - the simple answer is that I am an attorney. At the moment, the kind of attorney who answers questions with things that are technically correct, but not what people are looking for - I handle document production for large scale litigation defense. Sometimes, but not always supervising. I enjoy it quite a great deal, but principally because of good bosses. That stated, if you can get me into an interview with the Department of Health, let's network. If I can avoid boring conversations about what I do for work by this paragraph, it's the one thing I'm glad you read before your flirtations.)
I’m really good at
Downplaying my good qualities. Empathy for the devil.
The first things people usually notice about me
Tell me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love Dogwhistles, but you've probably never heard them.

That's a joke.

I tend to prefer classics or science fiction. If a book fits in both categories, things are ideal. A good example might be Margaret Atwood's A Handmaid's Tale or Philip K. Dick's A Scanner Darkly.

Anything that could be considered cinema, and a few things that could be considered crap. I am often surprised by the number of good films other people have not seen, but my father was a director / film professor, so I guess I deviate from the norm. Directors of note off the top of my head, for me personally: Whit Stillman, Wes Anderson, Zhang Yimou, Stanley Kubrick, Todd Solondz, Martin Scorsese, Takashi Miike.

I think everyone watches too much, including myself.
But when I'm watching way too much television I really enjoy Girls (on HBO). Though I like it, I would fully support it being cancelled if people would stop taking fashion cues from Hannah (this was more evident when I lived near a college campus).

My favorite act that I have already seen in concert would be Mike Patton with Rahzel. I love going to concerts, though I tend to be less likely to go if I'm going alone.

Here is a playlist to give a flavor - I hope this catches on, it's much more practical than a listing of band names. My tastes are more expansive than this, but it's a sampling:


I like it all. Balance preferred.
The six things I could never do without
Family and friends are important, everything else is trivial.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
All kind of things!

But on here, how Vampire Weekend's song about classism somehow inspired a million statements regarding how people actually care about the Oxford comma and whether this indicates something negative about the person - whether throwaway classism is something to ignore, or if it's a big worry like casual racism. About how finicky grammar leads to a rejection of Prince, Tupac, cummings, Twain and anyone whose mind is more logical than the English language.

I also think about when to use the semicolon in a fast paced world where it has been replaced by the dash.
On a typical Friday night I am
trying to make the night not typical.

or working. This was a problem for the last person I dated. I work a lot, I have responsibilities, and would love to get to a place where I am escaping the effects of the economic crashes that happened at just the wrong place for me professionally. When I listen to Thomas Picketty my main thought is that the value of labor is declining, exchange it for capital while you have a chance.

I am not opposed to staying in with a book or a movie, especially if I have good company. My ideal likes balance.

People with normal working schedules are why Fridays are important. The Kennedy Center tickets are easier to get earlier in the week, and if you go to a show on U street on Sunday you will find parking everywhere.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'll admit most things to friends, but my career requires a public persona.

I do have some health issues, including diabetes and some pretty impressive scars, most notably on my abdomen where they opened me up - from a car wreck and the subsequent surgeries, among other things. My aunt, who is a nurse and used to work in the emergency room, assumed I would die on two occasions - the car wreck and the post-surgical infection. I've had some trauma in my recent years (from other things as well) and it colors my perspective on a lot of things, but generally in a positive manner where I worry less about the small things and more emphatically embrace the beautiful. Have you had trauma in your life? It's okay - one heart heals another.
You should message me if
You're intelligent and kind. You build up, instead of tearing down. You are emotionally open, without being overly dramatic. You treat your partner as an equal and come into situations with intentions of empathy. Your goals are long term, even if they are a series of short terms. You attempt to address problems in a reasonable and rational manner, and with patience, acknowledging both that you can be flawed and the difficulties others have in addressing their own flaws. You have interests of your own and share some of mine, and more importantly are interested in exploring those you don't share, just as I will do for you. Whether or not you are still friends with them, generally the people you have been with do not think poorly of you - because you knew what you wanted, were honest about it, and did not burn things down as you departed from the relationship.

Fundamental to all this is your ability to communicate your emotions, needs, and boundaries and the knowledge or willingness to explore those issues.

You are not terribly afraid of a long term relationship. I don't believe in jumping in to them, but I prefer them over anything else, and some people just don't have the capacity for them. For myself I think part of that is that you must be a giver and you must bring out the same within myself. If there is any flaw that I have seen with online dating it is that it encourages a view of love that involves a lot of consumption and emotional distance - people always selling and looking to be sold to, people looking for the bigger better deal.

(Do parts of my profile repeat? It's because of how important I find them.)

I actually would consider at this point another two year relationship to be somewhat short term. I am not looking for serial monogamy, but doing whatever is neccesary to find a relationship that either leads to marriage or a similarly long term relationship. It is okay to be scared about that kind of commitment, but you should also have realistic views that involve these kind of goals.

I am also looking for friends, but if I wasn't new in town I wouldn't even consider meeting friends through here - which has the potential to be awkward. I do have a higher than normal tolerance for social awkwardness, and I welcome the person who thinks they are cool enough to meet that challenge - especially the person who can take a situation that I think would be awkward and instead makes it natural. Dating or just flirtation that turns instead to a mutual preference for friendship - totally welcome and not strange in the slightest. If you do wish to be friends ask me to do something that doesn't resemble a typical first date where we get to know each other over a drink. Instead, I'd be more comfortable at a group that involves a common interest, the concert or play your other friend isn't able to go to anymore, a political or professional networking event, or something to help the local homeless. Things that might be fun on a second date, but where you couldn't get to know someone on a first date. If it's the summer, most of my time is spent with my daughter, and related activities excite me more, but if it's another time of year, I generally am open to most anything.

With all those things said about friendship, I should point out, if you're looking to date me, you should be looking for your best friend. Not neccesarily the same kind of friendship you have with your other friends, nor is it unhealthy to have boundaries between friends, but that's what you should be looking for - your best friend, who you are intimate with in emotions and thoughts as well as physically.

If I glanced at your profile, but didn't send a note feel free to send me something. Sometimes there's something missing, or something too much in the profile, but I think people weren't meant to attract each other by resumes of love - the play is the thing. Send a volley.