39Ellsworth, United States
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My self-summary
Just a fun loving guy who left the treehouse years ago to join the big boys club. And I'm looking for that woman who can put on her big girl panties, relax, and just have fun.

I'm sarcastic and witty too. Not like cocky funny, more like fun and argh . Here let me give you an example.

While the princess is sleeping, waiting for true love's kiss to wake her up, ya, I'm the guy writing on her forehead with magic marker, lipstick, and whip cream, saying, "She's gonna be so pissed when she wakes up".

Life should be fun. There's not enough time to be serious, or worrying about anything. Anyone who tells you otherwise, I promise they're the passive aggressive type, and they're jealous of a guy like me.

So if you wanna be my +1 to the big boys and big girls special invite party, send me a fun message. If we have chemistry, then we'll go to the party.

Gotta nice dress? It's a formal party.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm in training at Langley Air Force Base on how to load chimpanzees into rocket powered sleds. I go there once a week and train with some of NASA's greatest minds.
I’m really good at
Meeting up.
Creating infatuation.
Holding hands.
Being rejected.
Kissing some more.
Being rejected again.
Groaning and sighing.
Excusing myself for a minute.
Rubbing one out.
Behaving for the rest of the night.
The first things people usually notice about me
THAT BULGE IN MY PANTS!! Pff, yeah right.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Sadly, I never learned to read or write. Thankfully I have my 103 year old grandmother typing this out for me.

Love you Gam Gam!
Six things I could never do without
I don't know if I can name six. Let me think about it for a few days and get back to you.

Okay, I'm back. I couldn't think of six, but here it goes.

My heart. It's a vital organ.

Honey Bunches of Oats.

I carry an innebulizer with me. You know, that little "flashy thing" from Men in Black to erase people's memories. I use it on myself after bad dates.

Bobcat Goldthwait....don't ask

My daughters, most importantly!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The existence of an omnipotent force and all creation. The complexity and delicate life force that gives us motivation one day, and anxiety the next.

......or, fart jokes.
On a typical Friday night I am
Feeding the homeless

Donating blood

Uniting orphan children with loving families

Building charitable organizations for "Toddlers that can't read good, and probably can't do other things good, too".


Flipping water bottles perfectly

Taking "butt" selfies


Not trying to impress you!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
You should message me if
You're an alpha female who knows how to have fun and can relax and enjoy herself without worrying about any drama.
The two of us