43Kings Park, United States
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My self-summary
I live for music, writing and comedy and dabble in each. I am a triple threat dilettante. I grew up in a snarky family, so I learned to mistake sarcasm for affection at an early age. Now I can't have one without the other.

I love music from indierock to freejazz to country and most points in between (barring Dancehall, reggaeton, nu-metal, and screamo), reading and writing (feel free to judge my written works here:, coffee, movies with more talking and sex than killing and maiming, stand-up comedy, playing my own music and recording it, long drives down winding roads to unknown destinations, mixtapes/mix cds to listen to for those drives, hanging out with my friends, being a media mogul and going to rock shows when I can.

I don't like feet, and tattooed feet really freak me out. But not as much as toe-rings.

Having said that, I'd prefer that you do actually have feet, because I saw that episode of "My Name Is Earl" with the girl with the plastic flippers where feet should go and it just made me laugh a lot.

I am cynical, irreverent, and a useless romantic
What I’m doing with my life
I have taken a long and winding path to get to where I am currently, and nowhere near where I expect to end up, but the journey is the important part, and I have not lived a boring life so far (well, there's a couple years of boring, but nobody's perfect), so hopefully, you like stories...

I'm a writer and a DJ, but currently temping my way through grad school for an MLS in Archiving/Digital Preservation.

I've been writing a book that's taking me ten years longer than I wanted it to. I hope it's worth it. Mostly, I just want to finish it to feel a sense of accomplishment. If I can get it published and made into a movie, well, then maybe I can just DJ for a living after that. But I guess that will have to wait until I finish grad school.

Once I've actually gotten the book done, I'm planning on adapting it into a screenplay as well as promoting it via podcasts and a one-man show.

I also have a radio show on 90.1 FM WUSB ( for playlists and links to listen) on alternate wednesday afternoons from 2-5pm. I also host/DJ a Bring Your Own Vinyl (BYOV) Night at a local watering hole. It's a lot of fun and it's always nice to drink for free AND get paid to play records. Looking to expand to other establishments in the near future, too!
I’m really good at
Boring people with trivia about bands, musicians and tv shows they've never heard of, which leads to my feeling like Lloyd Dobler when he is invited to Diane Court's house and is talking to her dad.

Being the kind of DJ I am. I make connections between songs and artists you may not have thought about. I get obsessed.

cooking. I love to cook and try new things. I really don't get why I'm single, since I do cook really well AND am not a bad looking guy. (update: I think it's because I am uncomfortable when a woman pays positive attention to me. Something about not wanting to be a part of any club that would have me as a member. Oops).

Trivial Pursuit. Pretty much any edition. Making mixtapes, recommending music you will like (unless you're weird) based on other things you like.

My real-life superpower is that I can find a great restaurant anywhere, even without the aid of the internet, even in a city I'm unfamiliar with (like Chicago).

Hopefully, making you laugh.
The first things people usually notice about me
They hear the voice before they see the face. From miles away.

Probably that I dress like Bruce McCulloch from the Kids In The Hall.

That I look pretty young for a guy who is in his 40s (holy fuck, I'm 40-something! How did that happen?).

Also, people always think I look like someone they know. I swear to you that I am NOT Simon (whoever that is). I am also not whoever Bill Klein is.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Food: Don't get me started! I really love food, especially sushi! I am at least a little health-conscious. Having fat parents kind of made me not want to be like them. I have many vegetarian and vegan friends, and I respect that kind of dedication, but I'm on a quest to try everything I possibly can. I love to cook up experimental dishes (I get creative on a budget). Did I mention my sushi addiction?

Books: anything by Kurt Vonnegut, most of Chuck Palahniuk's ouevre (I thought Invisible Monsters was weak, but that Diary was genius), a good deal of Don Delillo (I still can't get through Libra, though), Nick Hornby (especially High Fidelity), Raymond Carver., It Feels So Good When I Stop and Meat Is Murder by Joe Pernice, Talking to Girls About Duran Duran and Love Is a Mixtape by Rob Sheffield, Rat Girl by Kristin Hersh, anything by Sarah Vowell, Alice Fantastic by Maggie Estep, Mysteries of Pittsburgh and Wonder Boys by Michael many more..

Movies: I like a lot of 80s films and indie films from the 90s, as well as the classics by Hitchcock and Welles, etc. I don't watch as many films as I used to, though. My favorites are pretty much anything by Cameron Crowe, Terry Gilliam, Mel Brooks, Hal Hartley, Wes Anderson, Guy Maddin, David Lynch, Todd Solondz, etc. Also: Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, Real Genius, High Fidelity, Tao of Steve...

TV: Orphan Black, Gotham, Bored To Death, Party Down, How I Met Your Mother, Peep Show, The IT Crowd, Coupling (UK), Bob Newhart Show, Newhart, Whitest Kids U'Know, Flight Of The Conchords, Kids In the Hall, Fringe, Supernatural, Archer, Big Bang Theory, MST3K, SCTV, Twin Peaks, Six Feet Under, Dead Like Me, Reaper, Pushing Daisies, Seinfeld, Simpsons, Kitchen Confidential, Chopped, Iron Chef, Black Adder, Monty Python's Flying Circus, South Park, Futurama, Ed, Friends, Twitch City, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Space Ghost Coast To Coast, The Brak Show, Sealab 2021, Frisky Dingo, Sledge Hammer, Welcome Back Kotter, Taxi, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Wonderfalls, Dawson's Creek, Sliders, Spaced, Sports Night, Upright Citizens Brigade, Strangers With Candy, The State, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Get Smart, The Loop, 30 Rock, Steven Banks Home Entertainment Center, Big Love, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Robot Chicken, The League, Parks and Rec, Maron, Bob's Burgers, Drunk History...

Music (warning: I am a music nerd. Facebook couldn't even handle the "A" section of my artists): recently, I've been having a hard time keeping current because of work. I'm currently behind on the acquisition of the latest records by The Decemberists, Courtney Barnett, and several others I'm blanking on. Mostly, I've been digging through my immesnse backlog of records (real vinyl LPs - I'm a nerd) - my "to be listened to" stack is now several shelves deep (I just added a ton more recently). I also like a lot of awesome local bands from LI, whom I occasionally play on my radio show. I will be going to shows this summer such as: The Swirlies, Archers of Loaf, Ride, New Pornographers, Joe Henry, etc. Hopefully more, but this all depends on my job.

All-time favorites include Bob Dylan, The Beatles, Beach Boys, Pink Floyd, Velvet Underground/Lou Reed, Tom Waits, Guided By Voices, Camper Van Beethoven, Neil Young, Pavement, Sebadoh, Archers of Loaf, The Mountain Goats, Robyn Hitchcock, Big Star, Richard Thompson, Okkervil River, The Hold Steady, The Wedding Present, Slowdive, Unrest, Versus, Karl Hendricks Trio, Spacemen 3, JAMC, and a bunch of others few people have ever heard of. I also love 60's soul/R&B (Motown, Stax/Volt, etc) and wish I had more time to listen to everything...
Six things I could never do without
i'm thinking coffee, music, books, pen (& paper), my glasses and a muse. Anything else is just gravy.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why guys who are nine feet tall are stealing the short women, when i know several perfectly awesome tall women who need a tall man to love them. Maybe I'll date a tall woman and show them!

Why women like those stupid beanpole hipsters who wear girls pants. If I wore those pants, it would mean that I didn't have a member.

Why Members Only made jackets, but not pants, because isn't that where the members go? In the pants? And then you could tell someone to "take off your Members Only pants and jacket." Tee hee giggle.

When will civilization completely collapse?

Why do all my favorite tv shows get canceled?

Will I ever finish my novel?
On a typical Friday night I am
probably at work until 11pm and after that, I never know. Sometimes I am actually off and then that's the night there are no shows.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am just going to put this out there: I have ambitions and goals and dreams, but I'm NOT ambitious in an A-type way. I am NOT out to take over the world or run somebody else's business while they make all the money. I just want to carve out a space for myself where I can listen to music most of the day, work on my creative projects, and maybe eventually run my own business. In other words, the rat race of NYC is not where I'm planning on wasting my energy. I am extremely over the idea of working to live. If you have a need to climb the corporate ladder and your work is what defines you (and it's not in a creative field), you will probably hate me. That said, I'm not sure I can do all of the things somewhere else.
You should message me if
Honestly, at this point, I think I'm just looking for someone who wants to get drunk on the couch while watching old episodes of "Fish Police" on VHS. I have the VCR, but you'll have to provide the "Fish Police."

You actually laughed at the Members Only joke above. (Note - Nobody laughs at the Members Only joke, nobody. -- Ed.)

You think going for drinks or coffee right away is better than building your hopes up through awesome emails, only to find you don't spark. Or you want to maybe get sushi/seafood and/or do a pub quiz with me.

If you are likely to use food as singing props, hit me up. I was watching How I Met Your Mother and they showed the mother making an english muffin sing and I think I'm looking for that in my life. Mostly because I make up stupid songs for everything, too.
The two of us