33 Philadelphia, United States
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My self-summary
fat, dumb, and happy.

Looking for my Pat Benatar. Could you be that Pat Benatar?

I'm also looking for a place to buy a mannequin to use as a coat rack.

I don't know why anyone refers to assless chaps. Chaps are normally assless. Everyone should just be calling them chaps.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm pursuing my amateur napping career. While not pursuing my amateur napping career I enjoy working as a cook. While not enjoying working as a cook I like to steal music online. All of this affords me my real passion, appreciating inexpensive whiskey paired with inexpensive beer.
I’m really good at
Whelming, having an adequate time, biking against traffic, hiding in plain sight, eating the hell out of pizza, falling down vimeo and youtube rabbit holes, etc.
The first things people usually notice about me
My wealth of knowledge!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Having gone to public school I don't know how to read so books are out, but I do own many collections of short stories (they just look so cool, don't they?), and some David Foster Wallace, and some Charles Bukowski, and some China Mieville. Holy shit, the movie Upstream Color was good. I'll watch anything with Channing Taitum in it. I'll listen to anything I can dance to, but give me Joy Division or Cold Cave any day. I'll eat anything with bacon on, in, or around it.
The six things I could never do without
1. Forms to fill out online.
2. My bike.
3. Bacon.
4. Ham.
5. Porkchops.
6. Dry wit.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The microwave is way too trusting...I could be putting anything in there before I hit the popcorn button (it's always popcorn though). And boobs.
On a typical Friday night I am
Working or drinking, or drinking at working, or working at drinking.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I was born without a sense of humor.
You should message me if
if you're looking for misadventures and someone to exchange high fives with and maybe even low fives if the mood is right.