37 Brooklyn, United States
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My self-summary
At any given moment, I am seconds away from boarding a flight to California solely for an In 'N Out burger.

I'm slightly uncomfortable talking about (read: "selling") myself, so if you're looking for a quick character study, you should probably just skip to what my friend carelesshipster wrote a little farther down the page. What lies ahead is irreverence, sprinkled with a bit of sincerity.

• I am a circumcised polyglot, and I occasionally use capital letters.
• I am recession-proof.
• I love to laugh. However, I am congenitally unable to do so.
• 8 out of my 9 ex-wives agree: I'm a great catch.
• I will call you lazy and fat, I will make comments about your intimate details to even the most casual of acquaintances, I will forget to call, write, and forget your name, I will steal the covers in bed and then push you onto the floor, I will hate your friends, I will hate your family, I will read over your shoulder, but you won't care because in the morning I will make you a killer omelette.

Dogs approach me on the street, wearing friendly looks. And they are great judges of character, as you know.

There's a serious side to me; I'm just not writing about that here because how many interesting ways are there to say "I like to laugh, I'm a good person, I enjoy doing activities with someone else", etc.?

N.B.: If you've written "I love to laugh" or any derivative thereof in your profile, I will be very disappointed. Are there people out there who don't like to laugh? People with severe internal hemorrhaging or stomach staples, perhaps?

I like people of all stripes. I probably like you and I don't even know you.
What I’m doing with my life
Respirating. Converting ADP to ATP and vice versa. Performing various bodily functions in a regular manner.

Next steps.
I’m really good at
...reading magazines backwards.

...telling the complete, unvarnished truth.
The first things people usually notice about me
Well, I'm capable of flight. That often gets their attention.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Are these things really that important?

I'm allergic to food, although I enjoy the concept of the post-prandial slump.

I am an occasional musician, so I'm a rabid consumer of music, though I have pretty strong opinions about it. (I am not ashamed to admit, however, that my "guilty pleasure" list runs high.) I am aurally fixated. Also, don't say that "if you like insert artist, song, movie, etc. here, then we will totally get along!" because you and I both know that's bullshit.

"To say that you are an 'occasional musician' is a disservice to actual occasional musicians. You are a Multi-talented Music Making Man. Also, you have a nice lower posterior, you can shake it like you will break it, and you are kind, thoughtful, caring, and wicked funny all at the same time. You are the only person in New York who actively tries to help complete strangers move in." -- carelesshipster

Lately I'm wondering why all of my favorite authors keep killing themselves.

Too good not to mention: "Letters from the Earth" by Mark Twain.

I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with the song "Nobody Does It Better" lately.
The six things I could never do without
Man, I hate the hyperbolic nature of some of these questions. I dunno...flags? Degrees of separation? Impossible things before breakfast?

I suppose words, although I'll need more than six of those to get by.

Let's make this interesting: you pick the items, I will improvise.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the time I spend thinking, about a lot of the time I think I spend.

Feel free to add and/or remove commas from that sentence for your own amusement.

The fundamental interconnectedness of all things. More tersely: the way life fits together.

If I'm human, or if I'm dancer. Or denser.
On a typical Friday night I am
Who the FUCK wants typical, anyway?

I might be working on a unified field theory...

...or I might be sitting in front of a TV.

This question makes me all kinds of angry. How terribly one-dimensional it is.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My social security number is 328-28-5637.

The Oxford comma gets me hot.

I've answered every question on this site. It was a stupid personal challenge. I'm not proud.

I get choked up when I see/hear footage of Marvin Gaye singing the national anthem at the 1983 NBA All-Star game.

When I was a child, I was paralytically afraid of fire drills. In college I routinely slept through them.

I don't believe in destiny, fate, things happening for a reason, or God (or any other deities). I believe in chaos.
You should message me if
You should message me if you've figured out the coded message I left in this profile (true), which, when deciphered, explains how to achieve complete enlightenment.

You should message me if you're a kind person who isn't afraid to open a large space (metaphorically) for another person to step into. Though hell, if you've got a large space I can (literally) live in, I'll take that, too.

You should absolutely message me if you intend to sail around the world. I am actively looking for crew. Having said sailboat would help immensely.

Please, please be ridiculously smart (though not to the detriment of the rest of your personality - I prefer a high EQ to a high IQ). More important - please be genuine. As the maxim says, know thyself.