53Los Angeles, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
My last long-term relationship ended about a year ago. At this point I am looking for good company and the possibility that it may become something more.

With my daughter now off at college on the east coast I am seeing what it is like to have whole weekends free...

I am a second-career attorney, but I try very hard not to let that define me. One time, at the first firm where I worked, another associate who had overheard some of my stories said to me: "It is becoming clear to me that you hang out with a different crowd than I do." He was almost certainly right, and I was glad to hear it!

Before I gave it up in 2003, I was a Professor of Computer Science for ten years. (yeah, tenure and everything.) So, you will still often find me channeling my inner geek, particularly at events like MindShare and BIL.

I miss having my summers off, and, some days, I really do miss being a teacher.

I am devoutly atheist but had significant Jewish education as a child (though my parents and grandparents were also atheists) and am still connected to that culturally.

I grew up in New York until I left for college in Philadelphia at seventeen. I lived in Philadelphia for twelve years, and came here in the Summer of 1993. That means that I have now lived in Southern California longer than I have ever lived anywhere. Nevertheless, I am still New Yorker and read the NY Times (website) almost exclusively. That is unlikely ever to change...

For those who were on this site in the old days of three adjectives, I am Obsequious, Purple, and Clairvoyant
What I’m doing with my life
During the week days: being a lawyer—in particular, patent, copyright, trademark and entertainment litigation, as well as any case with a significant issue related to computers and technology.

On the weekend and at night: hanging out with friends and trying to forget that during the week days I am a lawyer...

For many years a big part of that has been my involvement with the L.A. Burning Man community. I attended for eleven years straight from 2002 to 2012, missed 2013 and made it in 2014. I have tickets for this year (2016) but haven't decided if I am going yet. You don't have to be a burner, or even be interested in becoming one. But, the couple of times I have dated women who were actively hostile to the event and the community, it just made things tiresome.

Note that I am was never a glitter-and-fairy-wings raver-type Burner. You are most likely to find me on the playa in shorts and t-shirt. (Either that or chef's whites, since I spend a lot of my time on the playa cooking in enormous quantities to gift to any and all.)

I have lived in one part or another of Downtown L.A. since 2003 and have worked there for the last five years. I am pretty firmly an east-sider.

My last two relationships were polyamorous/non-monogamous and I have spent a great deal of time thinking about issues of honesty, sharing, trust, compersion, boundaries (and the lack thereof) and respect in relationships.

At this point I am open to both poly and monogamous relationships depending on circumstance..
I’m really good at
making grilled cheese sandwiches (and things only technically identifiable as grilled cheese sandwiches). I know it is an audacious claim, but I have independent verification: I am a three-time Grilled Cheese Invitational Champion!

Actually I am a pretty good cook in general. Aside from computers it has been my main hobby/interest for most of my life. Somewhat relatedly, I am notorious for my ability to pick great little restaurants—small ethnic places in particular—by sight and some little-understood second sight.

As can be seen here, I am also skilled in the use of more-obscure punctuation marks, such as hyphens, em-dashes, slashes, semi-colons, colons, ellipsis and even the occasional interrobang. I am a lover of the oxford comma. Unfortunately it is largely disdained in legal writing, which provides me a daily source of tension.
The first things people usually notice about me
Ok, it's not exactly the first thing, but pretty soon you will notice that I have inherited from my late mother a near-obsessive habit of punning and other wordplay. You will likely be groaning a lot, and may eventually want to hit me with a baseball bat.

Unless of course you like that sort of thing...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
This will take time to fill in....

For now just say that my taste in all four is very broad. (Though, for books, probably not quite as broad as the other three. Sometimes I am a little intellectually lazy.)

Listing the music I like is not practical. So, I am going to take a whack at the music section by stealing an idea from an ex and list the bands I have gone to see live in the last few years. It is by no means a complete list of my likes, or even necessarily really representative, but it will tell you something...

Amanda Fucking Palmer (as part of Dresden Dolls twice (2005, 2006), solo, and with Neil Gaiman (October 2011), two more times with her new band The Grand Theft Orchestra (July 2012)), and again solo in fall 2103, and at least a couple of times since.
Architecture in Helsinki,
Aretha Franklin,
Barenaked Ladies (I went for the nostalgia because I got incredibly good deal on seats, and discovered that BNL is still a lot of fun and their new stuff is still good),
Beck (twice),
Bela Fleck and the Flecktones,
Ben Folds,
The Black Keys (randomly, because my friend was opening for them at their first-ever show in the U.S. at Spaceland),
Brian Eno,
Brian Wilson (Pet Sounds 2017),
Britney Spears (the Circus tour, it was a present for my ex, but actually a fun show),
Caravan Palace,
The Crystal Method,
The Decemberists (twice),
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros,
Einstürzende Neubauten,
Elvis Costello (numerous times),
Emmylou Harris (opening for Lyle Lovett),
The Flaming Lips (four times, including twice in 24 hours),
Flogging Molly (twice),
Gnarls Barkley,
Gogol Bordello (at least five times),
Idina Menzel,
Itzhak Perlman and Emanuel Ax,
The Jane Austen Argument,
Jason Webley (three times),
Junior Senior,
Keith Jarret,
Kristin Chenoweth,
Kylie Minogue (another gift for my ex, I was also lulled into hoping she would be better when I heard Nick Cave had produced one of her albums),
Lyle Lovett and his Large Band,
Madonna (another gift for my ex),
Marian Hill,
Mutaytor (many times),
Nanci Griffith,
Nick Cave,
Paul Simon,
The Polyphonic Spree,
Primus (twice),
Rodrigo y Gabriela,
Sleater Kinney (three times),
The Dan Band,
Tom Waits.

Oh, and though it is not music, Eddie Izzard (at least four times).

I really really really love movies. So filling in this part is even more difficult. When I was in college I often went to 3 or more movies a week, and I still do on occasion (though I sometimes also go a few months without going to a movie theater).

One of my favorite things about living in L.A. is getting to go to screenings with a Q&A with the actors or director or such. So, rather than try to list my favorite movies, I will list a few of my favorite screening/Q&A's from the last few years:

A Boy and His Dog (with Harlan Ellison, an absolute riot; the man has no filter. Extra treat was that the moderator was Josh Olson who wrote the screenplay for History of Violence, another favorite.)
Anomalisa (with Charlie Kaufman and the producers)
Army of Darkness (with Bruce Campbell, probably the best Q&A ever)
Back to the Future (the entire cast other than Michael J. Fox and Crispin Glover).
Capote (with Bennet Miller, who grew up across the street from me and is the younger brother of my early-childhood best friend)
Clerks (for the 10th anniversary with the entire cast)
Fight Club (with Chuck Palahniuk, who is every bit as odd as you might expect)
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (with Robert Morse and Michelle Lee)
Juno (with Diablo Cody)
Little Miss Sunshine (with Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris)
RoboCop (with Peter Weller, I got him to sign my copy of Buckaroo Banzai)
The Space Movie (with Buzz Aldrin)
Six things I could never do without
Playa dust and the view of Black Rock City from mid-playa at around 2 AM on a clear (and, ideally, moonless) night mid week (and the memory of that view the rest of the year). (though perhaps that need is waning and the memories suffice.)

A stove capable of a really hot flame, and a cast-iron pan to go with it.

Oxford commas. (See above.)

My daughter. (Clearly this list is NOT in priority order.)

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why—on a site that otherwise makes brilliant use of data analysis—my scrolling list of twelve match proposals at the top of the front page always seems to be drawn at least three-quarters from a fixed pool of roughly 50 women, and why matches well below 50% often make up a lot of those recommendations...

Polyamory and the issues mentioned elsewhere here. And, somewhat relatedly, my continuing discomfort with the idea of listing "casual sex" among the things that I am "looking for," even though I am certainly open to it.
On a typical Friday night I am
For the last several years the answer has generally been home with my daughter if her weekly visit comes that night, which it usually did. But she has moved to the east coast as of June 2015, and my Friday nights are free. I will miss those nights more than I can say, but it will make it easier to make plans.

So, now it will be some combination of what I did on other free nights: home or at a theater, alone or with friends, watching a movie or a band, or out and about comparing the skill of the bartenders at the ever growing number of good downtown bars or out at a whiskey tasting thrown by one of several whiskey clubs I belong to.

(To clarify that last bit: I actually have never been much of a drinker, and until a few years ago I knew jack about cocktails. But due to my recent association with a certain lovable bunch of reprobates I have become somewhat obsessed with classic and craft cocktails and can now both recognize and make a damn fine version of many. I have also dived deep into whiskey appreciation.

But still, I rarely get more than a bit buzzed, and I have never come home from work and said "I need a drink.")
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes I will insist adamantly on maintaining an utterly arbitrary tradition. Hence the fact that I still include three adjectives in my self-summary above, and still post all of my Facebook status messages in the third person...

Also, I like Vegemite, but still think that Vegemite:Black Death ( is one of the greatest songs ever written...

I am a lover and advocate of nose-to-tail eating.

Also, I unabashedly love musical theater, primarily in this order: Sondheim, Early Webber & Rice, the classics. Not much of a fan of solo-Webber or other spectacle shows.
The two of us