In 8th grade, to combat a rumor that my best friend and I were dating, we successfully convinced everyone I was betrothed to an Argentine princess, knowing full well Argentina had neither a monarchy nor a custom of arranged marriages. I like all dogs more than most people. I think Andrew Christian is just fucking with us. I often zone out, even mid-conversation. It's nothing personal. Sports are just millionaires throwing balls at each other. Ravenclaw in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets. Given my lifetime of traveling, bilingualism, and years of studying the show, I genuinely think I could win The Amazing Race. Cats are smug. I'm convinced I was the inspiration for the side-eye emoji. I think what the gay community is really missing is a classy martini bar called "Cocktails." I know every line from Clue. I've been described as "smart," "funny," and "still here?" Birds get INFINITELY more awesome for me every time I remember they're dinosaurs. I hate everyone standing between me and the exit of the Metro (JUST WALK!). I like cooking for other people. I love men with accents, particularly from Romantic language nations. I once drove 5 hours for a Blondie concert. It was free. I can't think of anyone I despise more in modern American government than anti-gay, closeted politicians. I'm not pissed off...that's just how my face is. I love few things more than podcasts and television. I like to play music when taking a shower and watch TV when I write. My cocktail of choice is a Grey Goose and soda with a lime wedge. I hate when people with smart phones write in text speak, overriding the autocorrect that would spell the words properly. Daylight Savings Time is just stupid. I'm exceedingly happy for WAY too long when my music is on shuffle, but it plays the exact song I wanted to hear at that moment. I have very strong opinions are the Electoral College and the Senate. I don't want kids. I still say Pluto is a planet. I loved Chip 'n' Dale as a kid. Aaron Schock is gorgeous, and I'm kind of glad he resigned in disgrace.
My pet peeve: When people say "Happy (day of the week)" or "hump day." You're not the first one to jokingly message me that phrase anyway, thinking it's cute.
DEAL BREAKER: Also a deal breaker: if, in that one question, you said the Earth is bigger than the sun. I mean, really!? Also, no juggalos.
I love this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rZq8PUEQBo
Besides that, I'm waiting for the day when Björk, Stevie Nicks, Kate Bush, Madonna, and Debbie Harry do a song together, because I'm pretty sure that would be the greatest song in history.
Olympic sports I would be awesome at: freestyle wine, hypothetical basketball, competitive judging, synchronized Sudoku, coffee decathlon, rhythmic Madonna, side-eye biathlon.
Movies: Clue, Casablanca, Bridesmaids, Love Actually, Anything by Quentin Tarantino or Christopher Nolan, Zoolander, Anchorman, really terrible horror/thrillers that were barely released in theaters but are on Netflix
Music: Blondie (all time favorite. I've seen them in concert 5 times). Other top contenders: Haim (their debut album is almost 100% perfect), Kendrick Lamar, KT Tunstall, Madonna, Scissor Sisters, Shakira, Selena, Fleetwood Mac, Rilo Kiley. I also like Lil Kim, Biggie Smalls, and Marina and the Diamonds. I'm starting to get into Taylor Swift, Kate Bush, Ed Sheeran, Pink, Beyonce, Maroon 5, and Kiley Minogue these days.
Food: Argentinean, Brazilian, Italian, Chinese, Japanese. I love food so much. I'm sad that I haven't been able to find a good enchilada or margarita since I left LA. If you want to woo me, just take me to a nice dinner. Ethiopian is DELICIOUS but makes for a terrible first date meal. Oh, and I have this weird thing where I HATE sour cream, ranch, and mayo. It's only a coincidence that they're all white condiments.
TV: Current favorites are Veep, Sense8, and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. All-time faves are 30 Rock, The West Wing, and Grey's Anatomy. Other great shows: Happy Endings (canceled too soon), New Girl, The Walking Dead, Shameless, Game of Thrones, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Weeds, Anything with an alcoholic sidekick (Cybill, Will & Grace, Absolutely Fabulous, etc), and Parks and Recreation. It's weirdly important to me that you like quality television.
Also, the Nisha call.
2) My patronus is a dementor.
3) I sometimes make up a third thing when listing stuff.
BONUS! One time, I saw a guy answered this question by writing "i literally ben touch by a angle." I spent several minutes laughing about it.
You're ready to hear my theories about Hermione's greatest fear, Neville's real role in the prophecy, how the prophecy is self-fulfilling and made Harry immortal, and how the obstacles protecting the Sorcerer's Stone parallel the protections on Voldemort's horcruxes.