AdobePhotoshop
24 Bentley, Australia
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AdobePhotoshop
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My self-summary
My primary intention for using this website/application is to make new friends and find lovely people to chat with at peculiar hours. But it's also super cool to have cutesy little coffee dates, too. Now that that's out of the way with...

My idea of dick pics involves sending photos of Tony Abbott or Donald Trump to people. Meanwhile my political arguments tend to result in images of penises being sent to people. Huh.
Cleared this up by correcting that "images on penises" to "images of penises". Though to be fair, the original is a bit more batshit hilarious.

I lack the maturity present in either fine wine or a vintage cheddar.

Not one to do pet names or anything of that sort, Lassie.

I may also be one of the most oblivious persons one may come across. 😬

You can stalk me on Snapchat at jaycobcratchley, or you could use your noodle and be socially-awkward with me other places too. :D

If I were a gay pirate, I'd go by the name Cap'n Lockjaw.
What I’m doing with my life
I expect to be a fully-fledged crazy cat lady by 32. Hopefully before that though, I'd have gone out and been wildly successful with starting a tiny company.

Pretty alright at dead-pan humour. Possibly.

Juggling pointy things like swords, kittens, and responsibilities.

Consecutively single since the Beatles broke up.

Playing the odd bit of Overwatch (I suck), Fallout 4 (Of which I play as an ex-lawyer-turned-post-apocalyptic-farmer-slash-tin-can-junkie), or The Witcher 3 (Geralt of Rivia).

Screwing about in Illustrator, Photoshop, and InDesign. Also working as a designer so that's something.

Not going to flipping nightclubs or their ilk.
I’m really good at
Oh! I know! I'm really good at maintaining dry spells.
Keming.

Confusing the fuck out of people about a great many aspect of my life and persona.
The first things people usually notice about me
My killer curves. Teehee.

And the hairs which lie upon my chinny-chin-chin. All three of them.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Bibliostuff:
Offscreen, by Kai Brach & contributors.
Fuck Jetpacks, by Jon Bell.
Monocle, by Winkreative.
Dune, by Frank Herbert.
The Hitchhiker series, by Douglas Adams.
How To, by Michael Bierut.

Audible:
Demander.
Innerpartysystem.
Ghost.
Monarchy.
Front Line Assembly.
Hurts.
Syd Matters.
Division Day.
Laibach.
Mindless Self Indulgence.
Marilyn Manson.
Peaches.
Nine Inch Nails.
Dusty Brown.
Portishead.
Mudflow.
Eisbrecher.
Guano Apes.
Feeder.
Movits.
she.
The Good Natured.
Har Mar Superstar.
Parov Stelar.
Morningwood.
Rhapsody.

Shows:
Rick and Morty.
Archer.
Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Avatar: The Legend of Korra.
House of Cards.
Orange is the New Black.
Black Books.
The six things I could never do without
Photoshop.
Illustrator.
InDesign.
Comfortable shoes.
None pizza with left beef.
Sex toys.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Do spambots have a concept of mortality? What will they do when the internet dies? Do they have an urge to terminate themselves when they read comments on YouTube and Designer News?

And Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.
On a typical Friday night I am
Crashing. Repeatedly, often, and at the worst possible time imaginable. That's an Adobe Photoshop joke. It's funny.
You should message me if
... if you want to defy the status quo.
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