32San Francisco, United States
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My self-summary
So there's a guy walking down the street, and out of the corner of his eye, he recognizes an old friend of his from way back, except there's something strange about him. He has a big, round, orange head.

So he goes up to his friend and says, "Hey Jim, long time no see. Remember me? Steve, from high school. How have you been?"

His friend replies, "Hey, I thought that was you. I'm good. Great in fact, how have you been after all these years?"
What I’m doing with my life
"I'm good, too" Steve replies "but I have to ask...what's going on with your head? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, that's kind of a long story. I was walking down the beach one day and I saw something sticking out of the sand."
I’m really good at
"So I pick it up, and realize it's one of those genie lamps, just like you see in the movies. After I realized what I had, I brushed it off and gave it a shine with the hem of my shirt.Then this huge cloud starts pouring out of the spout, and I drop it out of instinct."
The first things people usually notice about me
A second or two later, this enormous blue genie forms out of the cloud, and with his arms crossed in a deep booming voice, he says "Who has woken me from my slumber?" I muster out a pretty pathetic "Me..." since I wasn't sure if I was going to get vaporized or what.

When the genie realized I was the one, he turned to me and said "You are my new master. As my master you are entitled to three wishes. After I have fulfilled your wishes, I will consider my duties fulfilled. Please, tell me Master, how may I serve you?"
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
After I recovered from the shock, and convinced myself this was really happening, I thought about my wishes for a few minutes and told the genie my first wish.

"I wish to have $10,000,000,000,000."

"As you wish, Master", and nodded his head. " The next time you check your accounts, you will find the money there."

And dude, it was true. I checked on my phone right there.
Six things I could never do without
"My second wish is to have a beautiful wife."

"As you wish."

Irene and I have been married for 20 years now, and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We have a beautiful family, and since I don't have to worry about money, we live the greatest life. We travel when we want to, where we want to, and our kids are experiencing the whole world and all kinds of different cultures. It's just the best thing ever.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The genie then said "Master, you still have one wish. Please command me at your leisure."

Now...this is where I think I went horribly wrong.
On a typical Friday night I am
"For my final wish, I want to have a big, round, orange head."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
This is my favorite joke to tell people.
You should message me if like that joke. I have yet to meet someone who likes the joke, that I didn't get along with.
The two of us