shivawaverider
33 Durham, United States
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shivawaverider
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My self-summary
ILL ALWAYS DO MY BEST.
See the bottom of this section for the latest. Please read it in order. Which I am sure will send you all right to the bottom :).

Yes I am a sex positivist who is GGG (google it) and I have as a women checked "casual sex". Before you message me STOP AND READ THIS. This does not mean I want you to message me and talk to me like a slut versus a mature professional women. If you want to get into my bed for real the way to do it would be by showing you are an adult who is similarly interested in *meaningful* intimacy where we know one another in a meeting first to just talk and then maybe open up to see about something more physical ongoing where that is primacy equalled by respectful considerate treatment like you do a friend or someone you are dating. Inquire but do so respectfully or watch out you have it coming for you. One day I have this up and I have 30+ messages with "fuck" in the message. Come on guys.

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list
800 = distance ran and won ACCs for UNC track
1500= miles bicycled around Thailand fear on bike camping with 5 Thai men
5= times I've been told "I love you"
5= times I've said "I love you"
2.5= the overlap between the above 2
11= years in back to back 12+ month relationships
4= years the last ones single and dating
3= times dating someone who for no reason and no explanation went silent
0= times I will ever do that
# = sexual partners. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine. Or guess and I will and the closer has to say
50= percentage sure interested in monogamy
1= profile on a certain site that if discovered would reveal sexual proclivities
375 = number of runners coached
6 = gallery exhibited juried shows of my photography
45 = percent of the Durham city limit roads walked in quest to walk them all an hour a day. 11.5 months in
5 = favorite number see green knight and endless knot pentagon
12 = years a DJ
5 = years of silent Monday** (answer to the 10 messages or so asking what this means see below)
13 = camping trips to linville gorge
7= times shocked by how offensive and hurtful old folks have been
3 = times as often not the case
100+ = messages with words "sex slave" "rape" "insert term for jacking off - bc of me (thanks for sharing gross), lists of kinky and or xx rated fantasies messaged as the muse, "I'm the best fuck of your life" "come over and get fucked by a real man" "your too ____ for my sexual tastes"
---> see pattern.
11= 2 page erotica prose written (just not messaged)
6 = people who've met me blues dancing and not hit it off but friends now that still come
2 = people seeking for photography shoot and art collaborations including a couple for those in open relationships
1 -100 in 23 seconds = reciting prime numbers in that range.
1 = me and 1 = first purpose do no harm
2= no halves equal whole but Dyad I hope to find someone to love or in meantime have fun adventures
0= text messaging until October. Phone call only. Or anything else.

Ask questions for which I'll answer with a number and add to this list

https://soundcloud.com/djwallflower
http://instagram/pkbrewer
http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/sustain2007

Latest: coming out as single but poly single.
A partner to a couple w male seeking another partner is - admit stereotypically - a role in general not serious but caring about truly just casual plenty space intense presence when together but only say once a week or so. Embracing each time not labels commitment what is this nope too busy just doing it as feels right must we over talk and manifest drama we then drift apart. No no. Not half ass but my full attention I offer my time my full awareness and energy toward you specifically voicing back and forth all or nothing all but a fraction of my life. My life is not for a growing over my evenings becoming that which simply doesn't work Bc I'm sure worth it but this shit I'm doing by myself captures enraptures me and my free time here. Not about multiple people but embracing the notion of loving kindness passion with others ethical non monogamy. Intimacy especially seeking typing digital analog me feels yep I'll just be vulnerable and embrace it. Buck fuck trends norms = trump. The end. Starting anew who am I and what do I want.
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MESSAGES THAT DO NOT PASS THE TURING TEST I WILL NOT REPLY. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT IS PLEASE LEARN, I COULD SAY SOMETHING SHITTY HERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL DUMB BUT I WON'T I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING FUNDAMENTAL HERE IN WHICH IF YOU ARE NOT MAKING YOURSELF UNIQUELY HUMANLY YOUR STYLE OF BEING ALIVE IN THE MESSAGES YOU SEND THE GREATEST PERSON BEING DONE A DISSERVICE IS YOU. I CARE ABOUT THE PERSON DON'T BE A ROBOT. I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE

Wow. So see my message if before you do. The stats of folks saying the one word and not saying the other I make explicit sadden me to know how few say they read my profile literally and so didn't. Cut and paste a template pre-made and disrespect me and as a rape survivor my limits are small. It's a red flag safe word. And stunning me. It's 22% pass rate 78% no litmus test safe word. I am in shock that makes me wonder if I will ever be loved for more than my body most. Which I find now gross and dirty and ALL WILL TAKE NOTE NO SEX FOR ME WITH YOU UNTIL I TRUST YOU WHICH ISNT SO HARD BUT NO LONGER CAN I IMPLY. NO TEST UP TO YOU TO DEMONSTRATE YOU RESPECT ME HERE AND CARE ENOUGH TO BE HUMBLY ABLE TO DO ONE FOR STARTERS. MEN MSG ME THAT AND THE BEST REPLY FOR THE OTHER 78% MINI VIOLATIONS. Though greatest red flag no need bother wading through. Longest messages since posted lacked it and also anything otherwise indicating reading this profile.

Can I just wear my bra outside my dress? I'm exhausted of this and why silent Monday's are insert judgment often laced as a statement in question form. Know those? This is not how choice and Consent work. Let's not further make the ? mock the unwanted awkward makes me feel comment. My teacher does it. I asked. He said I can only say you do it. I'm years in. So that's my answer. Experience it.
What I’m doing with my life
Organizational /non profit consulting;
Documentary photography- fine art single exposure store front windows and seeing in and light hits reflects backwards my iPhone and me in the photo that is a collage two ways of seeing reminder that it's all the way we choose to see the direction we look a perspective is one way of seeing. And galleries found me so I'm now a photographer. And
.... Portraiture photography a number of men's profile photos undisclosed and usernames I cannot provide but contact me as many have for this alone I have time to do right now and do it well and love it
Beginner's mind playing GO;
Blues dancing as much as possible.
Karate
Yoga teaching to black belts
Logic puzzle making
Quantum physics reading in spare time
Podcast loving
Walking every road in Durham 11.5 months in about 45% done
I’m really good at
-Reading books over the phone or making audio postcards to send
-Reciting the first 100 prime numbers
-The lost arts of nonvirtual but not in person interactions - art collaborations, typewriter magazine and glue = card hand typed letter, making mix tapes, the art of the phone call
-Using Keezy to make raps. Give me the words and I will send you a rap but you have to yourself make vulnerable lyrics you write that make this a collaborative effort
- Dancing
- Dressing up dressing down steampunk dark professional but oh yep that's purple hair
- Running coaching (at approx 375 people, 12 seasons now 1:1 with men mostly 5k to marathon leaving now to meet at weight room and show core exercises)
- Running faster at races men randomly across 3 continents for some reason challenge me to run.
- Surfing
- Silent Monday's
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Radiohead
Mono
Lana del Ray
Jamie xx
Californication
The foundation
Eternal sunshine
Thai
Mexican
The six things I could never do without
1-the sea.
2- running
3- poetry
4- sustainence and safety
5- sex and intimacy
6- love
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Quantum physics, applied mathematics, Jung, Walter Benjamin, Borges, time, radiolab, spirals, bounded infinity between two people.
On a typical Friday night I am
Blues dancing.
You should message me if
fIRST READ THIS BEFORE YOU MESSAGE IF YOU DO NOT INCLUDE THE WORD THAT IS A FRUIT HIDDEN IN THIS PROFILE SECTION I WILL NOT REPLY.

Please read my profile fully if you plan to message me. Shame on you for any templates or copy pasting which is so obvious. And to any mention of fucking or of slut shaming me or presuming to speak to me with the indignity of merely casual morality around me and sex for checking the casual sex box. Equally those who write for no point but to speak about something vague and general playful and superficial or existential and deep but with nothing toward why you are writing me as all I care to know is exactly precisely what you'd like to see happen ideally. I want to know that you are too as me independently happy and like me passionate and full of yearning for something real and analog despite the virtual medium. Speak of yourself substantively as who you are as rhe accumulation of past love loss breaking and broken hearts as experienced in sex knowing what you like and not so confident or insecure you know not self awareness nor attend to compassionately as passionately. How do you come to me here and now and of what do you seek. Ask me questions please care to see me and write not casually but full of hope and possibility the mundane of life is sufficient, no? The reason be the drain of life endless sea of profiles and writing. Stop here and move on then because I'm in a place of amazement in life of wild adventures taking nothing for granted saying what I mean and finding nothing but joy is hearing the real and the true as the hidden the baiting the withholding the game playing calculating the strategy a sense of competition as there is but losing if you write to win me as I seek someone to fiercely yet with abandon be without need for me but wanting and knowing what you want yet open curious desiring to see the beauty beyond these lines between the political correctness reveal something and I will in rapture respond to the few who do write and with nothing nonchalant but caring to say what you carefully thoughtfully compose. Because you just might be and I be everything for one another. Be that the one night and happiest moment of my life traveler in town a weekend the duration matters less than the presence and shared experience the gazing the wonder that inspires. Good in intention and treatment I am looking for the nice guy and not mystery and darkness but a partner to seek adventures to discover the mysteries of this insane world the chaos and us at the still point of the turning world for which there there is the dance. Take chances risk it all with courage to paddle into the wave knowing hesitation results in nose planting for us both be fearless and willing to risk falling because of the bliss and yes all the work to paddle past the waves and yes the times you fall but still and more surfing loved and life lived for such activities as people for what are we but for each other not of need or greed or malice the world is hard enough. Tenderness and integrity resolve and yet yet humility the ability to the absolute must admit and own the times when we all are wrong pride be damned the ego centered I'm not to massage it or give you whatever is missing or be but cherished as I am wishing me happiness and freedom even if it means not with you. As I am only able to myself be to the best of me always kind to a fault loyal to a fault and easily believed weak for giving or dependent or spark fear of engulfment from those so consumed with fear of intimacy that you mistake giving to you with risk and abandon that I'm not simply only as passionate about the very few in my life I invest myself as I so desire in another to mistake not and hold back not the poem or rap are you open to saying how you feel. Are you secure enough in yourself to be the most valued thing to me which is vulnerable and the strength and valor to strip these bs online dating site talk to the raw you. Because I'm bored not above anyone just unmoved to be but independently happy. I seek to expand the bounds of human thought and be more than I am from someone or together reach within or out infinity the possibility.

Humble enough to admit I'm in a weird place and love *Halloween* but have no idea of any plans no invitations and big bash parties are not my thing. If looking for another person who will be fun and happy please msg and ask.

You want to be swept up in a passionate play hard laughing lady's sitting stranger friend making drinking whiskey sit on down on the barstool next.
Lose and find yourself in the woods
Blues dance Friday night all welcome
Special points for the promise if you open yourself to it the best interactions happen on Silent Monday. Do you dare (be a pineapple) (and no I don't mean sex here, dirty minds. I don't even know you though it's damn good in the times dating folks on Mondays)
I do not text anyone from okc. Phone calls and pineapples rock.
It's a lost art. Trust me I want to here your voice. You want to cocreate art. Send those rap lyrics. Or writing and I'll make photos or painting or send those and I'll write. Looking for a male to do a two person male female photo series - msg for more info about being involved. Will be on exhibit. All you have to do is stand sit etc as directed. Looking for sketch actor up for performing short play dance mix locally very avante garde or help me finish writing it.
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