shivawaverider
33Durham, United States
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shivawaverider
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My self-summary
See the bottom of this section for the latest. Please read it in order. Which I am sure will send you all right to the bottom :).

Yes I am a sex positivist who is GGG (google it) and I have as a women checked "casual sex". Before you message me STOP AND READ THIS.** (see bottom of section).
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LIST READ THIS FOR RESTORING FAITH LOST HOPE IN ME. PITY THE FOOL (IF YOU PITY ANYONE IT IS YOU WHO IS THE FOOL IF YOU DON'T GET THIS BACK UP AND ASK WHO ARE YOU TO LOOK OVER ANYONE AND PITY THEM. SHAME ON YOU)

LIFETIMES LIVED IN A LIST

I simply refuse to block paragraph describe the characteristic of who I am. Like a resume for dating I'll let my life experience glean whatever it does for you and speak for me.

800 = distance ran and won ACCs for UNC track
1500= miles bicycled around Thailand fear on bike camping with 5 Thai men
5= times I've been told "I love you"
5= times I've said "I love you"
2.5= the overlap between the above 2
11= years in back to back 12+ month relationships
4= years the last ones single and dating
3= times dating someone who for no reason and no explanation went silent
0= times I will ever do that
# = sexual partners. Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine. Or guess and I will and the closer has to say
50= percentage sure interested in monogamy
1= profile on a certain site that if discovered would reveal sexual proclivities
375 = number of runners coached
6 = gallery exhibited juried shows of my photography
45 = percent of the Durham city limit roads walked in quest to walk them all an hour a day. 11.5 months in
5 = favorite number see green knight and endless knot pentagon
12 = years a DJ
5 = years of silent Monday** (answer to the 10 messages or so asking what this means see below)
13 = camping trips to linville gorge
7= times shocked by how offensive and hurtful old folks have been
3 = times as often not the case
100+ = messages with words "sex slave" "rape" "insert term for jacking off - bc of me (thanks for sharing gross), lists of kinky and or xx rated fantasies messaged as the muse, "I'm the best fuck of your life" "come over and get fucked by a real man" "your too ____ for my sexual tastes"
---> see pattern.
11= 2 page erotica prose written (just not messaged)
6 = people who've met me blues dancing and not hit it off but friends now that still come
2 = people seeking for photography shoot and art collaborations including a couple for those in open relationships
1 -100 in 23 seconds = reciting prime numbers in that range.
1 = me and 1 = first purpose do no harm
2= no halves equal whole but Dyad I hope to find someone to love or in meantime have fun adventures
0= text messaging until October. Phone call only. Or anything else.

Ask questions for which I'll answer with a number and add to this list

https://soundcloud.com/djwallflower
http://instagram/pkbrewer
http://www.crazyguyonabike.com/doc/sustain2007

ON CASUAL SEX AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
On monogamy and ethical non monogamy

Looking for a lightness of being + full not half attention or ass + meaning + morality fully in check not casually being reckless + trustworthy is the way into these pants.

I am really intrigued perhaps most in life by having sex right now. After 2016 sex being 4 times of nonconsensual assault else celibacy I'm excited to be touched and be intimate and enjoy my body and another's and have fucking great sex and also all forms of physical intimacy. In a friends into long-term casual sex phases that will long haul be mighty good delayed gratification to those gentlemen who inquire about this. I am good in bed and eager to have hands on me I choose to say yes and have stop mean stop and have a say in what way we fuck. I want to find a couple folks to enjoy being body positive and sex positively engaged in ethical casual sex primarily. I'll make it worth it if you can treat me such I trust you and feel safe.

And casual plenty space intense presence when together. Embracing each time not labels commitment what is this nope too busy just doing it as feels right must we over talk and manifest drama we then drift apart. No no.
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PRESENCE 100% OF ME
Not half ass but my full attention I offer my time my full awareness and energy toward you specifically voicing back and forth all or nothing all but a fraction of my life. My life is not for a glazed over looks and checking your phone during my evenings becoming that which simply doesn't work slowly fading.
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MESSAGES THAT DO NOT PASS THE TURING TEST I WILL NOT REPLY. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT IS PLEASE LEARN.
Messages that are some form of generic one sentence. Someone tell me what in the world you are thinking I receive enough I will not reply and say "I'm fine thanks how are you..." Brevity and wit are art forms I value. Vague generality is boring. Are you boring? I don't know how to be dispassionate. Sorry.

SO RED FLAG CHECK. EVERYBODY I'M NOT JUST A BODY. READ AND INSERT FRUIT FROM MESSAGE SECTION. 20% success rate folks. What a great red flag. Never intended to make it a litmus test then again I had no idea how skilled people are at making it sound like they read your profile but actually have not.
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THE LATEST

1/17/2017

What is going on. Any folks who want to be loving and kind who love the outdoors working out and dance love music want to be good to one another be vulnerable give a shit while having adventures and great sex and laughter. Please write me. Folks who albeit even casually fine treat folks with their best self and strive to do no harm that are like me no drama not confrontational strive to honor my word and be fully attentive and want to give and receive true goodness be it words or a handmade art thing note or random kindness. Please message me.

please know this is all I am up for until I heal more and can trust myself and others not to harm me to save their ego and inflict hate my way I've had a year from hell. If you aren't up for it skip me. If you are like me and just done with the bulllshit and want friendship or more with phenomenal individuals feeling you are one yourself gosh nothing in my life is more important right now than filling it with more people friend or more that are good folk and there for each other meaningfully and not commit not about expectations but just want someone who brings independently happy positive energy creativity passion light into your life and more with the long view of being there not to quick turn around nor need to see often but have the capacity and desire to have a female friend date sexmate who this will mean something be playful and substantive please do reach out. I will be good to you. I am lonely these days after the year I had and who knew you tend to lose all your friends when trauma hits I have never had fewer people to call or spend time with in all my life. I am fiercely independent but isolation no man is an island. Let's be there for one another. (If you desire me be active outdoorsy fit GGG and want to fuck me Bc honestly I'm way behind and would love to catch up on a year of no sex but you will never get into my pants if the above doesn't apply unless you are so sure you'll not fuck up my healing of a rape survivor (in therapy just no lying or manipulation or sociopaths please no anger management issues don't think making women you fuck hate you by doing cruel things to them is best --- no Prince Charming I'm not damaged people).

Write and be sure to say PINEAPPLE SEE BELOW and let's go out on the town or soon be watching Netflix together coming Dancing ASAP. I'd love to fill my life with more good folk. I bring all I say here and more and will be radiant and strive to make your days happier and care.

1/7/17
To the men who have written me long messages or short but at least 15 who took considerable time to compose a meaningful message reading all of my profile and being moved to speak to me restore my faith in a cruel world and for whom I will be forever thankful as together you voices keep me going as I wade through a society of friends dropping me because things in my life are too hard for them and shocking since when shit hits the fan I would have been right there so I admit I've never felt lonely in my whole life but I am. Thank you for telling me the positive things in me you see and giving me hope that I am not damaged or disgusting and that you are rightfully angry not at me or not judging me for hanging out with sketchy people or being risky but hate the rapists not the victim. Which isn't my label just who I am is surviving and loving and giving and seeking people who value being there and loyalty and selfish society believing in the golden rule and calling those out who I spoke about who are how they are because my stupid attractive body frankly for my whole life lucky I thought now it's a liability that attracts me with dickful thinking only and it scares me. I'm so proud to be someone receiving such heartfelt inspiring messages. You know who you are. If I have yet to reply trust I will.

12/26
Top activities looking for literally anyone to do with me. Skateboard and dance. Message be if up for either. I dance Latin dances and blues. If you don't find it acceptable to get a dance party on just the two of us in public perhaps or to my djing then sigh. Message me if interested. Or if you just want to watch cars so I can bomb skating a parking deck and experience bliss by osmosis

12/15
I changed my profile photo so as to avoid this. Can I simply wear a bra outside my dress? I'm exhausted of this and why silent Monday's are insert judgment often laced as a statement in question form. Know those? This is not how choice and Consent work. Let's not further make the ? mock the unwanted awkward makes me feel comment. My teacher does it. I asked. He said I can only say you do it. I'm years in. So that's my answer. Experience it.

If I said I was raped twice this year including by someone I met on Okc two month ago help. DONT JOIN THE SEX OBSESSED OBJECTIFICATION CROWD
What I’m doing with my life
Organizational /non profit consulting;
Documentary photography- fine art single exposure store front windows and seeing in and light hits reflects backwards my iPhone and me in the photo that is a collage two ways of seeing reminder that it's all the way we choose to see the direction we look a perspective is one way of seeing. And galleries found me so I'm now a photographer. And
.... Portraiture photography a number of men's profile photos undisclosed and usernames I cannot provide but contact me as many have for this alone I have time to do right now and do it well and love it
Beginner's mind playing GO;
Blues dancing as much as possible.
Karate
Yoga teaching to black belts
Logic puzzle making
Quantum physics reading in spare time
Podcast loving
Walking every road in Durham 11.5 months in about 45% done
I’m really good at
-Reading books over the phone or making audio postcards to send
-Reciting the first 100 prime numbers
-The lost arts of nonvirtual but not in person interactions - art collaborations, typewriter magazine and glue = card hand typed letter, making mix tapes, the art of the phone call
-Using Keezy to make raps. Give me the words and I will send you a rap but you have to yourself make vulnerable lyrics you write that make this a collaborative effort
- Dancing
- Dressing up dressing down steampunk dark professional but oh yep that's purple hair
- Running coaching (at approx 375 people, 12 seasons now 1:1 with men mostly 5k to marathon leaving now to meet at weight room and show core exercises)
- Running faster at races men randomly across 3 continents for some reason challenge me to run.
- Surfing
- Silent Monday's
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Radiohead
Mono
Lana del Ray
Jamie xx
Californication
The foundation
Eternal sunshine
Thai
Mexican
Six things I could never do without
1-the sea.
2- running
3- poetry
4- sustainence and safety
5- sex and intimacy
6- Latin dancing
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Quantum physics, applied mathematics, Jung, Walter Benjamin, Borges, time, radiolab, spirals, bounded infinity between two people.
On a typical Friday night I am
Blues dancing.
You should message me if
see my latest update 1/17 mid main profile section before you write.

IF AND ONLY IF YOU FIND THE TYPE FRUIT MENTIONED IN THIS SECTION AND INCLUDE IT IN YOUR MESSAGE WILL I CONSIDER REPLYING. THE OTHER 80% SIGH NO WONDER MY SAFEWORD WAS MEANINGLESS 4 TIMES LAST YEAR. SO SIMPLE FOLKS AND YET SAFETY IS NO LONGER SIMPLE AND GIVEN WHAT DOES IT SAY NOT OF ME BUT YOU IF YOU MISS THIS. HMM.

Please read my profile fully if you plan to message me. Shame on you for any templates or copy pasting which is so obvious. And to any mention of fucking or of slut shaming me or presuming to speak to me with the indignity of merely casual morality around me and sex for checking the casual sex box.

Equally those who write for no point but to speak about something vague and general playful and superficial or existential and deep but with nothing toward why you are writing me as all I care to know is exactly precisely what you'd like to see happen ideally.

"GOOD WORKING ORDER - that you are too as me independently happy and like me passionate and full of yearning for something real and analog despite the virtual medium. Speak of yourself substantively as who you are as rhe accumulation of past love loss breaking and broken hearts as experienced in sex knowing what you like and not so confident or insecure you know not self awareness nor attend to compassionately as passionately. How do you come to me here and now and of what do you seek. Ask me questions please care to see me and write not casually but ......

LIFE IS TOO URGEBT WONDROUS FLEETING. WRITE full of hope and possibility the mundane of life is sufficient, no? The reason be the drain of life endless sea of profiles and writing. Stop here and move on then because I'm in a place of amazement in life of wild adventures taking nothing for granted saying what I mean and finding nothing but joy is hearing the real and the true as the hidden the baiting the withholding the game playing calculating the strategy a sense of competition as there is but losing if you write to win me as I seek someone to fiercely yet with abandon be without need for me but wanting and knowing what you want yet open curious desiring to see the beauty beyond these lines between the political correctness reveal something and I will in rapture respond to the few who do write and with nothing nonchalant but caring to say what you carefully thoughtfully compose.
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Because you just might be and I be everything for one another.

The first three weeks on Okc I met the man who has loved me more than any other. And another I dated/connected with for a year.

Love and meaningful trustworthy people are few in my life and seeking more.
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Be that the one night and happiest moment of my life traveler in town a weekend the duration matters less than the presence and shared experience the gazing the wonder that inspires. Good in intention and treatment I am looking for the nice guy and not mystery and darkness but a partner to seek adventures to discover the mysteries of this insane world the chaos and us at the still point of the turning world for which there there is the dance.

Take chances risk it all with courage to paddle into the wave knowing hesitation results in nose planting for us both be fearless and willing to risk falling because of the bliss and yes all the work to paddle past the waves and yes the times you fall but still and more surfing loved and life lived for such activities as people for what are we but for each other not of need or greed or malice the world is hard enough.

Tenderness and integrity resolve and yet yet humility the ability to the absolute must admit and own the times when we all are wrong pride be damned the ego centered I'm not to massage it or give you whatever is missing or be but cherished as I am wishing me happiness and freedom even if it means not with you.

ON GIVING KIND FOLK AND FEAR OF COMMITMENT
As I am only able to myself be to the best of me always kind to a fault loyal to a fault and easily believed weak for giving or dependent or spark fear of engulfment from those so consumed with fear of intimacy that you mistake giving to you with risk and abandon that I'm not simply only as passionate about the very few in my life I invest myself as I so desire in another to mistake not and hold back not the poem or rap are you open to saying how you feel. Are you secure enough in yourself to be the most valued thing to me which is vulnerable and the strength and valor to strip these bs online dating site talk to the raw you.

WITHIN BETWEEN INFINITY Because I'm bored not above anyone just unmoved to be but independently happy. I seek to expand the bounds of human thought and be more than I am from someone or together reach within or out infinity possibility boundless.

IDEAS
WHISKEY ONE WITH ANYONE
Skateboarding
Dance partners
You want to be swept up in a passionate play hard laughing lady's sitting stranger friend making drinking whiskey sit on down on the barstool next.
Lose and find yourself in the woods
Blues dance Friday night all welcome
Special points for the promise if you open yourself to it the best interactions happen on Silent Monday. Do you dare (be a pineapple) (and no I don't mean sex here, dirty minds. I don't even know you though it's damn good in the times dating folks on Mondays)
I do not text anyone from okc. Phone calls and pineapples rock.
It's a lost art. Trust me I want to here your voice. You want to cocreate art. Send those rap lyrics. Or writing and I'll make photos or painting or send those and I'll write. Looking for a male to do a two person male female photo series - msg for more info about being involved. Will be on exhibit. All you have to do is stand sit etc as directed. Looking for sketch actor up for performing short play dance mix locally very avante garde or help me finish writing it.

NO TEXTING.
PHONE CALLS ONLY IF I GIVE MY PHONE NUMBER

ATTRACTIVENESS - I am limited sadly by a feeling of attractiveness that is either there or not in so far as more than friends
FUCK LOOKS THOUGH FRIENDSHIP MATTERS MOST RIGHT NOW AND I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR BODY I CARE WHAT YOU EMBODY

INTIMIDATED - recent trend that folks feel intimated by me. Do you want to hold yourself back because my profile I've spend much time and am mighty proud of it or have lived a very full life? Believe yourself to be my equal because you are. I firmly beiieve I am better than no one. Take a risk. I won't bite promise

Will you be in the 20% or 80%. Unsure what I speak of well if you want a reply as 80% are disqualified instantly you may want to show you've read my profile so go read about a word to include and do so. My faith in humanity hangs in the balance of these sad statistics.

Lastly, I have casual sex checked and men tend to sexual desire me. Bc of this I say without pride that I must wade through 59 messages a day. Please write more than a sentence so I can tell if you actually care about me beyond my photos. I cannot mind read. Please say something that stands out or I assume I'm not interesting enough to compose a unique non template must guess at your intentions message. Sadly rape breeds mistrust. Please do you and me a favor and be forecoming abc substantiate yourself and me as worthy of 5 minutes to compose a thoughtful note. Of the 50, 45-47 are a single sentence, ignore my safety word embedded or soeaj only about my body and sex. Stand out. Don't join the ambiguous cannot trust you crowd of men.

Skip the complaining and whining comments and just don't write me at all if you dislike anything here. Your loss. Insult me and talk down to me or yes talk about what you'd like to do to my body and I will report you and equally insult you back depending. If a man pushes me and cruel world I've been beaten or sexually assaulted five times this year. I am 2-2 in knock out punches back for being punched in the face. But the real cowards are those who gaslight and ghost and are mean online. Being a man and say it to my face and push me as hard as words here have hurt me and then at least I'll respect the courage. I have a black belt. I want to feel safe and trust you. It's no lionger my default but earned. Don't make me wonder. Save both of us the time.
More
The two of us
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Lifestyle
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Dating
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Sex
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Other
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Ethics
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Religion