I lived with my dad a few days a week and he liked to run. I loved him and he is still my best friend and little girl me at 3,4,5 would trot along and stop and he would come back to me and out and back and we moved together around Lake Johnson and I loved it.
"Success" ful...at 33
I look good on paper.
I am a 5 time ACC champion and world championship Olympic distance triathlon competitor - Vancover- even have a (last name insert here) uniform as part of team USA in my closet
Performing my best and helping the team and beating my own time ....beating people and competiting I can but duck cover at the notion that me.
I simply ran near daily and played soccer for 20 years. I love moving through the forest lost in the beauty awe and wonder in a "flow state" (psych major me was like oh, that's what it is like when all the weight of the world and my inner mind brainstorming inquirer weight on shoulder shrugged off daily).
Loving (make love not war... What are we fighting for "you and whose army" says Radiohead song title and
Well, not me but Gandhi and the East the Gita with Arshun and the battle between community family friends what is duty, asking Shiva the Hindu god of change /(de)constructing/beginning ending beginning ... Hey a war... Do I fight... Idk!?
Lover not a hater or cynic or jaded and phew once upon a time privileged white "successful" entitled myself to righteousness and phew WRONG and a hyprocrite myself so WHO AM I TO SAY, NOT MY PLACE.
Life is hard. It fucking sucks.
I got sick and my soul mate, running a month after worlds, decade since gone infection in a Thai orphanage --> permanent brain damage ---> year in bed pain fatigue never run in any real way again
Haters gonna hate and easier and I get it, turning away and honestly i am not saying I am special or do it this way it happened I was asked to coach
RUNNING COACHING for 12 seasons and nearly 400 women in the triangle
Not what I expected but I fucking loved it love running and want everyone to be free to run and to offer anything I can - passion and good vibes and knowledge and skills to make plans and model and guide and over weeks the layers and roles and hats and spinning plates ...
Skipping is a legit drill for 800 runners and at the time seeing the inhibition to jump into the air or sprint felt like the saddened blunting of wtf is going on - to myself- but over weeks higher faster laughter and fun and ... Sure lets keep on going and whomever is good enough, need not be anyone or be eligible and pay donations went to community health educating folks in a Tanzanian village to be health workers and 5 x 10 families a week is something but I am just here turning and the women came and
Sounding resounding music
Miles ran and running = $ = surprise party and a documentary*, our motto not my idea "everyone leaves Team Sakina happy" = community and well being to community
Tagging it - Team Sakina to Sakina, Tanzania (we one season ran from here to them...! Adding all miles together a voyage homage bonding building...)
IT IS WHAT WE MAKE IT?!
I am most proud of a mixer mounted on my wall from a homeless man in Durham with a gleam in his eyes I can see in my mind writing this - no one wants to beg and there is something to being in a country where one in ten had AIDS, the stigma a disease within one and 80 hours with teens to "teach them re AIDS prevention education"...2 hours of facts no manual oh, 78 to go hmm ...
Running is why
I quit the track team and floored everyone
Did an independent study on AIDS and being me I like did the shit out of that paper in UNC African studies later busted for athletes and grades but tag
Existential crisis I run 20 hours a week all my free time to run faster in a circle
MOUSE WHEEL? Ego ah. Why the what
Going west of the Mississippi on a plane by myself to do something idk about it to Tanzania, pissed family or sure I would get some disease or crime victim (irony, homestay with a loving family - ha- dysfunctional all I knew so and no crime and ..)
On the way to school summer camp where the 16 yr old girls later told me the teachers / principal I worked with those around the world meeting to volunteer hosted by this org and school folk the men teachers were fucking them and I had no idea
Starving literally dirty homeless alone begging children 45 min walk to school each day is unbearable for them not me and peanut butter sandwichs? And hugs? Roses were 100 for $3 so I bought and handed them out hoping to make them just smile a real one or feel as worthy and beautiful and grateful for them it was me honored
Boys (gender inequality an issue, and big why AIDS but this white American women saying hey EQUALITY haha fuck me my homestay family 4 brothers 2 sisters post work the 2 did 3 hours to cook and 2 to clean daily but who am I ... What to do? .... Join the women and hello because they are ALL GOOD PEOPLE and how they all were to me lonely child ...and boys in class I was not listened to no participating and talking over me .... Stop hey listen hey hey I just don't fucking want you to get AIDS damn gender inequality)
So, haha -- inquiring mind, recess playtime joined them playing soccer to clear my head and figure shit out and have fun.
Unexpected hated me for what was I doing playing they never saw anyone play soccer a women and World Cup, happens to beat them
Skips days and A RACE CHALLENGE
LANGUAGE BARRIER AND IRONY RUNNING TO RUN ROUND WIN QUIT EXISTENTIALLY STUPID TIME WASTING ON THIS WENT TO DO SOMETHING REALLY IN THE HEART OF LIFE AND DEATH HOWEVER I COULD AND
FUCK ME RUNNING ...
How far when ? Okay sure ... Ran and faster sped up beat them crossed the line turned and gazed at each
Crossing that line looking at me losing to me. I guess competiting or Idk anymore
But after they listened
And I do not care to win it just happened
But having a tree pollen allergy which paradoxical breathing disorder = suffocating to nearly dying x 4 lost consciousness
So no running now. No nature wow
Doctors say go live elsewhere half time
Mexican rural beach town found searching for secret waves
5 years later, best friends 9 guys pick up soccer tough soft idk
But dying knew that and then in Africa too in the camp end that those 8 guys I do not think will get AIDS
Something happened with this homeless guy and he came to me and - not about me and private - but he later around thanksgiving when recently raped and my family felt I should be but wasn't happy enough to either attend on one side else tried and "ruined it" on the other side, this man 3 days later in this plastic bag bought just me a present from the rescue mission - A MIXER FOR COOKING (I don't cook) - and was so happy for me to have it.
It's mounted on my wall.
Academics secret nerd and IQ too high little girl "anxiety" medicated at 5 for poverty and not sleeping at night because I did not yet know what it meant or why we let people starve in this nice place America ... Call me crazy or a little girl smart but not getting yet how to play normal appropriate etc. ABSURD
Running fast - cool attractive us -- club party dancing with the basketball team or grinding awkward ahh wallflower
Music local store decade worked-- laughed at for my top 40 track friends and clubbing and my goth side and had to learn all the thousands of stock all musicians .... DJing
Track folks laughed at my studying and or scary music
Partying harder as a beach lifeguard surfing escaping to my rent control beach house getting in trouble getting away with it.
Loving relationship 17-23
Loving and engaged 29
=12 years 4 or 5 depending men all close still but one and significant
Rape sucks and randomly losing running then trees nature breathing hmmm
Mexico half Time building a home and the way of living there
Guys hated hazed me for how dare I show up to their pick up game, stole money silent not put me on a team ... Fuck me running again saved me ... Sweeper swept hit hard stole from the other teams best gave ball back shut my mouth kept showing up
One broke silence what's my name, put on a team
At night bars we started going and invited I was like fuck yeah! Oh dancing
PHOBIAC OF DANCING
DJ 10 years
Well, okay moving they will teach me
Oh we all just at the shore music plays and we have fun dancing cool !
Godmother of 3, my best friends in life and I work and play and it's real we are present and they secured my safety and allowed me to heal and figure it out
I laughed and Happy again
Fun nights under stars dancing we do and with others in the middle of no where I found happiness and secrets
ILL BE ON THE MEXICO SIDE
Missing Mexico and my life there ...lemons are lemonade making potential or I could complain, be jaded, go on about illness or tragedy ... Worst luck but hey hey doesn't play here like there and not my thing but mighty people fall.
Being back like whiplash.
SALSA ... I heard Latin music like 6 months or 3 years of dancing in Mexico later and went to hear, saw dancing tried to join
"Good salsa dancer!" <--(to myself) I KNOW SALSA WOW AND MORE MANY MORE
Here people pay for classes and we go in a line back and forth like gym thread mill elliptical or a line up walk or idk why and count to 8.
Hmm. I should take a class I am told
Secret: pick up a stick and twirl it. Oh lines being a circle twirling ... Straight up okay I am doing it wrong since now it's a labeled dance not moving on a beach and WHAT!
NC moratorium on wind generated power
Wind generating = against the law
Civilization sailing the seas?
Odysseus and me laughing or Dante and NC and trump fuck that bitch Katrina we need a wall no wind... Pissed too maybe his hair blew in that damn wind nature bad revealed the truth we comb over and brush under rugs.
Tennyson heralded Odysseus for sailing "to strive seek find and not to yield!"
I get it
Dante damns him in the Inferno, finally sees the mountain always dreams of and whirlwind storm boat him drowning while looking at the mountain never reached into a cell in hell unique to him ... No wind.
Winding up here
How about I simply say hey, it's serious and absurd I rather laugh and quest making myself feel deserving of 1 or 2 hours where I go inquiring discovering secret dance partying every day... Unleashing the best of me in energy outwards often twirling on a secret train platform stage in the middle of Durham hidden in plain sight. Fucking the wind windy winding up here now nowhere but
Body mind heart
Sound resounding out
Alive living because I am here and should by all accounts not be or seeing and experiencing what I have and in Mexico we all work hard and go have fun move to music I DJ or lately Prince is rocking my world
Oh and ADF AND A DANCE THEATRE COMPANY ITS
ART OFFICIAL = performed as part of a dance world premiere world choreographer over the weekend and
ARTIFICIAL? Real perform the edge playing
Come play with me is the only point
I am daily and I am open to ideas or come watch dancing or let's both decide what between us could be the the most fun and dive in and do it. Not much these days for the games or posturing.
I may or may not have learned poker from my decade of being abused shhh by stepfather ---> wow I'm good ---> Vegas casinos.
Faking it ... We women do it
I can... Be that for you as you want
I know how to write something likely to obtain for myself someone I like and likes me --- artificial and Anytown USA and tinder faces as swiping idk anymore
Really happening this life and I have it good I know it and hard and know it but fuck jaded cynical complaining.
I'm going out to be free and play like half the year we do and no thought. No bad dancers beginning. Moving Idk either. But now I am a DANCE THEATRE COMPANY MEMBER hmmm
COME HANG OUT
BONUS MONDAYS I AM SILENT AKA ALL OTHER FORMS OF COMMUNICATION BEST TIMES BEEN HAD ON 5 years silent
NOTE: if not willing to wait to 3 time meeting me for anything around fucking me to even be a topic then skip this. If I wanted that or was about putting myself out to be unsafe or attract anyone thinking between the lines I mean casual sex or that it'll be able to be wedged in. Ha. I did not ask to be beaten in street fights but 800 runners are powerful and 2-2 TKO and fast as hell I will run either so I would pause.
I offer, if it feels right - the
FUCKING UNDERRATED KISSING MAKING OUT FEST ... Oh yes. First base and slowly rounding them is so fucking sexy fun. YES TO THAT, yes yes CONSENT of course. #rapeculture?
I hope this is not ranting or seeming idk anything but hey points made, scattered but stars night sky still light in darkness and no point to any just being me and saying hey come join. Any day. If you truly are open to being you free and authentic open to fun let's do it!
7-8pm I dance so far and or salsa dance around town and maybe becoming one. But no idea. Just moving fun. Like in Mexico.
I am no one special but I like myself and like this yes hard fucking lives world geez. But
Let's go find make be it - tag your it
Turning test pass it
Why /who what how...no test.
Just independent and love people and want to meet in real life and be something together if only a day life is short - you down?
(I am doing adventures daily, I am having a blast... Blase, brief vague idk why write or this is not for you the idea is sum greater than parts so yes, all welcome to see me dance and I might tell you where but are you down for making fun together ... Tell me more)
Ideas? I would love to spark another's and go do their version of free play time fun making it laughing hard beautiful
Inspired inspiring inquiring ask answer poems idk message me let's go!
Heart beating waving light outwards
Cheesy maybe stupid maybe crazy only if the norm is comparison to trump Cosby or ghosting and texting as the primary means of communicating.
I am better than no one. Truly.
So please read nothing but hey this is me doing this. That said I am seeking to meet folks make friends for the longer than shorter. Intimacy in many forms too. And I may may not be on Okc long. Or idk social media I deactivated it all yesterday.
Shout out. Let's go meet laugh and be alive living it up, rising
Documentary photography- fine art single exposure store front windows and seeing in and light hits reflects backwards my iPhone and me in the photo that is a collage two ways of seeing reminder that it's all the way we choose to see the direction we look a perspective is one way of seeing. And galleries found me so I'm now a photographer. And
.... Portraiture photography a number of men's profile photos undisclosed and usernames I cannot provide but contact me as many have for this alone I have time to do right now and do it well and love it
Beginner's mind playing GO;
Blues dancing as much as possible.
Yoga teaching to black belts
Logic puzzle making
Quantum physics reading in spare time
Walking every road in Durham 11.5 months in about 45% done
-Reciting the first 100 prime numbers
-The lost arts of nonvirtual but not in person interactions - art collaborations, typewriter magazine and glue = card hand typed letter, making mix tapes, the art of the phone call
-Using Keezy to make raps. Give me the words and I will send you a rap but you have to yourself make vulnerable lyrics you write that make this a collaborative effort
- Dressing up dressing down steampunk dark professional but oh yep that's purple hair
- Running coaching (at approx 375 people, 12 seasons now 1:1 with men mostly 5k to marathon leaving now to meet at weight room and show core exercises)
- Running faster at races men randomly across 3 continents for some reason challenge me to run.
- Silent Monday's
Lana del Ray
4- sustainence and safety
5- sex and intimacy
6- Latin dancing
LIFE IS TOO URGEBT WONDROUS FLEETING. WRITE full of hope and possibility the mundane of life is sufficient, no? The reason be the drain of life endless sea of profiles and writing. Stop here and move on then because I'm in a place of amazement in life of wild adventures taking nothing for granted saying what I mean and finding nothing but joy is hearing the real and the true as the hidden the baiting the withholding the game playing calculating the strategy a sense of competition as there is but losing if you write to win me as I seek someone to fiercely yet with abandon be without need for me but wanting and knowing what you want yet open curious desiring to see the beauty beyond these lines between the political correctness reveal something and I will in rapture respond to the few who do write and with nothing nonchalant but caring to say what you carefully thoughtfully compose.
Because you just might be and I be everything for one another.
The first three weeks on Okc I met the man who has loved me more than any other. And another I dated/connected with for a year.
Love and meaningful trustworthy people are few in my life and seeking more.
Be that the one night and happiest moment of my life traveler in town a weekend the duration matters less than the presence and shared experience the gazing the wonder that inspires. Good in intention and treatment I am looking for the nice guy and not mystery and darkness but a partner to seek adventures to discover the mysteries of this insane world the chaos and us at the still point of the turning world for which there there is the dance.
Take chances risk it all with courage to paddle into the wave knowing hesitation results in nose planting for us both be fearless and willing to risk falling because of the bliss and yes all the work to paddle past the waves and yes the times you fall but still and more surfing loved and life lived for such activities as people for what are we but for each other not of need or greed or malice the world is hard enough.
Tenderness and integrity resolve and yet yet humility the ability to the absolute must admit and own the times when we all are wrong pride be damned the ego centered I'm not to massage it or give you whatever is missing or be but cherished as I am wishing me happiness and freedom even if it means not with you.
ON GIVING KIND FOLK AND FEAR OF COMMITMENT
As I am only able to myself be to the best of me always kind to a fault loyal to a fault and easily believed weak for giving or dependent or spark fear of engulfment from those so consumed with fear of intimacy that you mistake giving to you with risk and abandon that I'm not simply only as passionate about the very few in my life I invest myself as I so desire in another to mistake not and hold back not the poem or rap are you open to saying how you feel. Are you secure enough in yourself to be the most valued thing to me which is vulnerable and the strength and valor to strip these bs online dating site talk to the raw you.
WITHIN BETWEEN INFINITY Because I'm bored not above anyone just unmoved to be but independently happy. I seek to expand the bounds of human thought and be more than I am from someone or together reach within or out infinity possibility boundless.
WHISKEY ONE WITH ANYONE
You want to be swept up in a passionate play hard laughing lady's sitting stranger friend making drinking whiskey sit on down on the barstool next.
Lose and find yourself in the woods
Blues dance Friday night all welcome
Special points for the promise if you open yourself to it the best interactions happen on Silent Monday. Do you dare (be a pineapple) (and no I don't mean sex here, dirty minds. I don't even know you though it's damn good in the times dating folks on Mondays)
I do not text anyone from okc. Phone calls and pineapples rock.
It's a lost art. Trust me I want to here your voice. You want to cocreate art. Send those rap lyrics. Or writing and I'll make photos or painting or send those and I'll write. Looking for a male to do a two person male female photo series - msg for more info about being involved. Will be on exhibit. All you have to do is stand sit etc as directed. Looking for sketch actor up for performing short play dance mix locally very avante garde or help me finish writing it.
PHONE CALLS ONLY IF I GIVE MY PHONE NUMBER
ATTRACTIVENESS - I am limited sadly by a feeling of attractiveness that is either there or not in so far as more than friends
FUCK LOOKS THOUGH FRIENDSHIP MATTERS MOST RIGHT NOW AND I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR BODY I CARE WHAT YOU EMBODY
INTIMIDATED - recent trend that folks feel intimated by me. Do you want to hold yourself back because my profile I've spend much time and am mighty proud of it or have lived a very full life? Believe yourself to be my equal because you are. I firmly beiieve I am better than no one. Take a risk. I won't bite promise
Skip the complaining and whining comments and just don't write me at all if you dislike anything here. Your loss. Insult me and talk down to me or yes talk about what you'd like to do to my body and I will report you and equally insult you back depending. If a man pushes me and cruel world I've been beaten or sexually assaulted five times this year. I am 2-2 in knock out punches back for being punched in the face. But the real cowards are those who gaslight and ghost and are mean online. Being a man and say it to my face and push me as hard as words here have hurt me and then at least I'll respect the courage. I have a black belt. I want to feel safe and trust you. It's no lionger my default but earned. Don't make me wonder. Save both of us the time.