"Q. Where are we?
A. Geographically speaking, in the Northern Hemisphere.
Socially, on the margins.
And narratively, with some way to go"
-The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
I've got a good idea. Let's pretend...we're really human beings
This is telling about me in more ways that I would like to admit.
So now about me:
I am bipedal, human, ambulatory and respiratory (self identified) with a common ancestry with ape like hominids from back in the day.
I come equipped with male parts and use them occasionally.
I curse the Sun and I curse myself for my dependence on its life/cancer giving rays.
I'm not going bald so I got that going for me.
My archetypal self is wearing a scarf.
I am endowed with cerebral smartitude and brainial intellectuosity that puts me above several, but below several more.
I'm starting to go grey and I am completely fine with that.
Q. Siri Why did I get this phone?
A. Existential Sadness
I love hockey (Flyers) and Soccer (Union), and go to games when I get the chance.
I hate baseball (all) but I won't hold it against you if you are a fan. (Phillies)
I am in no mood for your racist shit.
I am remarkably resilient to shotgun Bludgeoning.
My grammar is suspect, My spelling is dubious. I curse like a drunken sailor who is drunk on cursing.
My handwriting is best left unmentioned, and when it is it, is usually commented upon by a shaking of the head and withering, disgusted looks.
I have been know to listen to Carl Sagan to sooth me on to sleep restless nights.
I have the tendency to dissect whatever I enjoy and things I cannot like in that way I cannot enjoy them.
I am big time into causes and effects.
I like hammers.
I hate the beach but I do love a good sleazy Boardwalk.
I have Tinnitus, Its not like its contagious or anything its just gives me a very real and very convenient excuse to not see your coworkers Creed cover band.
I celebrate my own set of secular and personal holidays such as Carl Sagan Day, Donald Pleasance's birthday and The Blackest of Fridays.
I will never turn my back on a Soul Train line... NEVER.
I owe little allegiance to god, capital and country but Crom help you if you ever try and to invade Philadelphia.
Some of it interesting.
Some of it not.
None of it pays well at the moment....
But right now it's mostly writing projects that i intend to film one day.
These days my music taste ranges from...
Old School Punk and Hardcore
Early Rock and Roll/Rhythm and Blues
Old Jungle/Drum and Bass/Breakcore Stuff
Early 80's Industrial(Art students banging on stuff)
Late 80's industrial (Nihilistic House Music)
Haunted, Depressing music by waifish art school girls who wear too much eyeliner and will probably die too young
New Wave/Coldwave/No Wave and god know whatever else they decided to slap the term -wave against
New Jack Swing(seriously and without irony)
Every 5 years they take a bunch of bands and call it Post Punk and you know what every 5 years a couple of those bands I like
Old School and Indie Hip Hop
and Ye Olde Standby... Metal.
Oh yea when all else fails.. Lots and Lots of Metal.
Love movies. In fact I am a bit of a movie nerd.
I have a smallish collection of old movie posters that I promise I will never talk about unless prompted and even then I'll keep it short.
I have just wrapped up (ALL CAPS) MY YEAR OF GIALLO! I watched as many Italian Giallo movies as I can get my grubby little hands on. I should write reviews down somewhere as to extend an effort towards profound goodness coming out of the experience..
These days my favorite active directors are the Johnny To, The Cohen Brothers and Takashi Miike. So it's probably obvious I am a cult , genre movie fan with vague art school pretensions.
Other favorite Movies/ Directors are John Carpenter, The Warriors, Jean Luc Goddard, Point Blank(1967), Guy Madden, Solaris, Inception, Post Apocalyptic films, The Proposition, John Woo, Industrial Safety Films, Stanley Kubrick, Cinemax style softcore porn, Porn style porn movies with flimsy plots, bad acting, horrible puns, unrealistic sexual situations and an array of oversexed pizza delivery boys, Ghostbusters, Masclin Feminin, Hari Kiri, Argento, Bava, Fulci and all of the ye olde Italian Giallo/Horror directors ect ect ect blah blah blah...
Now class, some examples...
EX. 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oB6DN5dYWo
Ex. 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4JmeXXRmZg
Ex. 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P6MqHccBSI
I watch More TV than I used to but not a whole lot. The TV usually consists of Shitty Documentaries and Rad Cartoons.
The documentaries are usually shit and they make me mad. Ancient aliens. Really?
The cartoons, They rule. I mean really can you say Big Bang Theory is objectively better than Adventure Time or Regular Show.? I think not.
As far as your favorite TV show goes. I haven't seen it most likely. It's not like I don't want to see it. But I haven't, and I probably won't unless forced or bribed.
I'm just bad at keeping up on TV and I refuse to start watching half way through a series.
Book are great, Books are grand, Books are splendid, VIVA BOOKS!!! They transmit culture, knowledge and imagination. They open doors into a wider world filled with nigh limitless possibilities. Not to mention books contain facts and ideas that, with proper use and through tactless application, give the reader the ability the get his/her/its ass kicked in just about any social situation in the world.
To this end I have a thing for books about history. History of Cannibalism, The People's History of the United States,
History of the Car Bomb, The History of God ect. Any book with just enough salient facts that can be used to make any social gathering incredibly hostile and/or incredibly awkward
I also love old Pulp Writing, Science Fiction and Comic Books (Graphic Novels for those who are worried what the neighbors might think) and never miss a chance to read some more of them, because I am, in what must be obvious now, a huge fucking dork.
Examples for you judgement: Raymond Chandler, Catch 22, China Mielville, Phillip K. Dick, Filthy Pornography, (redacted) and William Gibson.
I also have a thing for the writing of Lester Bangs, I can go on late night jags where I read anything I find by him on the internet.
OK you can stop judging me now, I gave you more than enough ammunition.
Lover of Pho' and Ethiopian.
Honorable mention:Stones, Impudence, Gumption, Backbone, Grit and Blind raging stupidity
Look I'm not good at this describe yourself thing, But I'm willing to fake it like i am.
They could be about:
My goddamn job
The human condition
Weather or not my cat is suffering an existential crisis because I don't let it out and murder every bird it can lay a pay on.
Is there is world records for a dog dragging its ass on the carpet?
If so did my dog just break it?
My desire to have Pluto restored to planet status just to spite Neil Degrasse Tyson.
Can I can pull off a cowboy hat? As in "I am getting a bit older. I got grey hairs. I'm getting kind of gnarly. No way I could be considered considered "pretty". Could I possibly pull off wearing a cowboy hat? You know the ones with the sides pulled up... Yes? No? Maybe?"
The answer is NO.
I am usually doing this.
not really but I wish.....