43San Jose, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
(updated 5 june 2017)
*NOTE: No longer an A-list member... cannot see likes*
this profile is a work in progress... which is sometimes a nicer way of saying it's a hot mess, but not always. ;)

i'm non-monogamous. i'm not a huge fan of labels apart from that, but i have several partners, and am open to meeting others. the intricate dance of catching up with folks when possible, sharing with many people, and allowing what emotions may develop for whomever i'm spending time with to do so just feels natural for me. and while that's just a portion of my life, it made sense to me to put it at the top, considering that this is a dating site

i usually just bullet the next bits, because otherwise i forget things:
- not married. divorced with one adult child, my daughter. odds are *very* good that you will *not* meet her.
- i am quite close to her mother. we may not be married any longer (almost 12 years by this point) but we have been through a lot together, and she's still one of my people.
- love Love LOVE this area. i've had occasion to travel a little bit (domestically only, i'm afraid... the passport is valid and current, but woefully underutilized) and find that i can't wait to get back to the bay area... it's definitely become home, even though i'm not from here
- working to not give quite so much to my job, and to take better care of me... i've done fairly well working out the sleep thing (though i still have some issues) and am now working to bring "diet and exercise" into line, and then take care of my mind and soul... you know, little things. ;)
- i will not have any more children. as stated above, mine is an adult, she's fucking awesome, and i'm a one-and-done. physically impossible now, and that is a decision i have NO reservations about.

for those who remember the old setup here (yes, i've had an account for quite some time), i am dichotomous, random, and loyal
What I’m doing with my life
- learning to forgive, both others and myself
- learning to better organize my life, so that i can get to all of the things i want to do
- loving my pup, and cuddling her whenever she lets me
- learning to openly share my love, in the many forms that takes
- trying to remember how to just enjoy the small stuff
- perpetually finding new ways to avoid doing the dishes
- not making my bed
I’m really good at
pub trivia
bad puns
homemade pizza and chili
remembering random song lyrics
rambling conversations over a few drinks that consume hours and make it feel like minutes
finding new ways not to do the dishes (man, i REALLY miss having a dishwasher... the device, not another person)
The first things people usually notice about me
i have NO clue... maybe my lack of hair... the grey in the beard... my laugh or lopsided grin, i suppose...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
books: american gods, ender's game, cryptonomicon, the quantum gravity series by justina robson, the hobbit, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, snow crash, neverwhere (and anything else by neil gaiman)

movies: the princess bride is probably my overall fave... but i also love grosse pointe blank (LOVE john cusack, and most movies involving his sister, joan), the matrix movies (actually, for that matter, i have found i really enjoy most of the things the Wachowskis put out... i think i'm one of 12 people around who absolutely *LOVED* their take on Speed Racer, and really enjoyed Jupiter Ascending)... in general, if it involves things exploding or going fast, i may
well like it... and then i like some other things, as well...

music: bluegrassfolkrockskatechnoclassicalacapellaopera... includes: lamb, ugly duckling, jump little children, roger clyne and the peacemakers, mighty mighty bosstones, they might be giants, r.e.m., eagles, bee gees, erasure, jonathan coulton, tori amos, joy kills sorrow, lake street dive, daft punk, pentatonix, all time low, amanda palmer...

food: yes please. i've really found it difficult to list what i *don't* like.
Six things I could never do without
* connection
* my ever-changing definition of family, which includes some blood relations, but not all... and the animals i love.
* music (singing, karaoke, soundtrack to speeding down the highway)
* sarcasm (mine and others')
* sunlight
* garlic
I spend a lot of time thinking about
i've been thinking a lot about the meanings of the words "home" and "family" over the past few months... i'm pretty solid on "family", and no, it doesn't only comprise those who share my genetic makeup... but i'm still a bit at a loss for "home"... there are many places that feel a *little* bit like home, or where i have felt like i fit a bit... but i'm not sure i've ever found that place where i know i belong... and as such, the nomad inside of me is getting a little restless again...

i also sometimes think about:
-- next tattoo... when and who?
-- what's for dinner (who am i kidding... i ALWAYS think about this)
-- what is something i haven't done before that i can do this weekend
-- why SO many people with very high match percentages with me live in Oakland... why is this?
On a typical Friday night I am
extremely boring, as lately i've been slammed from work, and just want to walk the dog and sit down with a beer or a glass of wine.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
it seriously disturbs me to see photos with children in them on this site. it may well be that there are children in your life. that's lovely and awesome, but be a kind adult and don't put them on a dating site before they're old enough to understand what's going on. and it's not like anyone i date is going to meet my daughter right away anyway, so they don't need to know what she looks like, either. yeesh.

i also talk for my dog... we have conversations, and i do all of the actual verbalizing. it scares me sometimes how much english she actually seems to understand.

and it's not really "private", but it is insight for you to have, so i suppose it fits here: if your profile says "wants kids" or "might want kids", i'm closing it. good luck to you, but it won't happen with me.

sometimes i can be a very private person. except when i'm not, and i over-share
You should message me if
you think you'd be interested in spending some time with me, and vice versa. you have a slightly off-center view of the area, or of life, or both. or you just want to chat. i'm frequently down for that. just be real.

heck... just say hi. what does either of us have to lose?
The two of us